Situation Guidance

[WeeWillyWeirdo]

I'm still new and so is my little. We live in different countries at the moment so it's strictly online.

 

I had an instance last night that I'm not sure if maybe I was in the wrong or her or perhaps even both of us are to blame. So I am seeking some help.

 

Today my little has a Big exam for her university, no pass no graduate sort of exam. So this weekend I've been on her to get studying done. It worked out because I had to visit a friend in another city. I checked in every so often to make sure she was studying, remembering to eat good and taking the appropriate breaks. Well I had also given her a bedtime of 10pm as her exam started at 7am today. So, it was close to 10pm and I was leaving my friend so I checked to make sure she adheres to the 10pm bedtime, and wanted to wish her luck & give some last minute advice.

 

So we start conversing and I tell her I'll be leaving as soon as I know she's in bed, she tells me that she's not going to bed until I get home(which is an hour drive). I told her I didn't want her tired for her exam, that I would be ok & wanted to make sure she's going to bed. Well a few back and forth of me enforcing bed and her wanting me to be home, she blew up and said to do whatever and goodnight then that was it from her. I finished by saying I wished her a goodnight & good luck. Then I sent her a message when I got home. I never got mad at her or raised my voice(message wise). She did call me stubborn and said I wasn't listening so I said the same to her, said she was being stubborn & wasn't listening. I told her, her exam is most important!

 

Anyways I see it as unjustified defiance but also see that she wanted me home, to know I was safe before she could sleep. I am torn on wanting to punish her but don't see punishing her "need to know I'm safe" feeling either. I was thinking a discussion with her so we can both voice this but would any of you punish your little for this or is the discussion best?

[Guest DaddysLolita]

Hmm, bedtime are bedtimes... I can certainly understand her wanting to know you were okay. Depending on how you do things, maybe a compromise would have helped? Maybe saying you understand her feelings, and you'd check in when you got home, but it's time for little ones to prepare for bed? Going through a bedtime routine or having a small snack? Just some ideas..

 

As for punishment vs. Discussion.. only you really know that answer. Maybe discussion, since you've already stated you don't want to punish her need to know you were okay.

 

<3

[WeeWillyWeirdo]

Our routine is pretty simple. We talk to each other about anything else we have done then say our goodnights.

 

Thinking back, as you suggested, I should have empathized with her more. While we were talking I did suggest a compromise saying to goto bed & I'd send her a message when I got home but I think at that point she was just frustrated with me.

 

I will go the discussion route so she can voice herself and I can do the same to avoid this in the future.

 

Thank you @DaddysLolita!

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

If she willingly and knowingly disobeyed a rule then punishment should be expected. On the other side of it, she was tired, grumpy and had no doubt been mentally tired from doing her studies.

You need to talk to her first of all. Then I would maybe give a lighter punishment because I believe you were both responsible for what happened. Just my opinion.

[CuddleMonster89]

Yeah I recommend talking about it. I would ask how she felt last night. I would listen to her and how she was feeling and show her you understand how she felt and acknowledge and validate her feelings. Sounds like she felt worried you wouldn't get home safely and she needed to stay up to make sure you got home safely. That's understandable. It's your call on whether or not to punish her. Personally, I would give my little one only a small punishment in a case like this, though showing my disappointment that she stayed up past her bed time might be punishment enough.

 

This sounds like an uncommon situation, though if its unavoidable and happens again in the future you could empathize with her more as you said. You could also reassure her you'll be okay - tell her you've driven at night before, you have a map/GPS or know the way home, the weather is good, the roads are clear, etc. whatever you can do to help her put the situation into perspective. Driving at night is more risky than driving during the day, but it's not that dangerous if you drive safely. If she still doesn't want to go to bed on time, I would tell her what her punishment will be and then just accept the fact that she won't be going to bed on time that night.

 

If in the future the late night drive home from your friend's place could be legitimately dangerous, like if there is a snow storm or the roads are icy, you could ask your friend if he can stay up and make sure you get home safely. You can tell your friend that you'll send him a text or give him a call once you get home, and that if he doesn't hear from you in a few hours then he should try to contact you and see if you're okay. And then you could tell your little one that your friend will look after you and make sure you get home safe and sound. That way she won't feel responsible for you getting home safely and so she might have an easier time getting to bed on time and falling asleep.