Where do the hints of being yourself fall?

[amber22]

I have been pondering my dynamics lately.
I have seen many different opinions on this forum and the more I look into it the less I understand it.

How did you identify your style and needs?
I would also like to know if there are any articles or checklists that would help them.

Edited November 28, 2022 by amber22

[Nymph]

 

On 11/25/2022 at 8:48 AM, amber22 said:

I've been pondering my dynamics lately.
I've seen many different opinions on this forum, but the more I research, the less I understand.

How did you recognize your style and needs?
I would also like to know if there are any articles or checklists that can help with them.

You know what is interesting? how perfectly your post translated, almost like you wrote it in english from the start instead of japanese... translators are amazing now aren't they? they used to be terrible!

Anyways, you just need to read a lot and keep track of things that you like and don't like. Things you are unsure of are fine, it might depend on the situation with your partner or maybe it's something you would be willing to try but not really curious about. Plenty of resources pinned all over the forums or just a google away.

[baby_k]

It's good to study but always remember that everything you read is just opinion of someone. There is no real truth. It's same as when people say they identify xxx. It is honestly often an oversimplification as we just want to see ourselves in some way or want to belong to some theoretical group. There are of course things that are truly measurable such as persons height or weight. There will be almost as many definations of things as there is people which adds to the confusion.

Therefore, it's good to always consider yourself as "work in progress". You will always find more sides of yourself ad what you like or don't like. Things progress and change. Maybe when you are young, something is cool because you feel like you are an adult and you have freedom -such as driving a car. But later it won't give you such pleasure as you just use the car for getting to work and back. Or with kinks: something was a turn on because it was new and a tabu but after you incorporate it to your life or relationship, it looses that newness and that tabu position -> it doesn't feel so amazing anymore. Or just because you have hard situation in life, you prefer things to be more cuddly and loving, and after things get to normal, you like it rougher again.

Knowing your style comes from your likes and many of those come only with experience. For example: you may be curious about ice hockey as it seems such exciting sport, and you enjoy wathing it from tv. But when you actually try it, you notice that it is scary and unpleasant contact sport. And actually figure skating feels so much better.

There is also what we want and what we actually need. We may like the idea of "perfect" caregiver who does this and that for us and always comforts us and is there for us. But in reality it might be better for us that someone forces us to stand with our feet and take responsibility for our own life. So, short term bliss over long term benefit and happiness. These also are things you can only learn by experimenting and improving your selfreflection: learn who you are, what you like and why, understand why you react in specific ways in situations, and what are your ways of coping (and why and if they really are benefitting you in long term). Explore life

[amber22]

5 hours ago, Nymph said:

 

You know what is interesting? how perfectly your post translated, almost like you wrote it in english from the start instead of japanese... translators are amazing now aren't they? they used to be terrible!

Anyways, you just need to read a lot and keep track of things that you like and don't like. Things you are unsure of are fine, it might depend on the situation with your partner or maybe it's something you would be willing to try but not really curious about. Plenty of resources pinned all over the forums or just a google away.

OHHHH NOOOO! Sorry, my post seems to have been written in Japanese. I thought I had translated it, but there was a glitch I have corrected it.
And thanks if you translated this post and replied to me.

I thought it was a great idea to keep track. I will try it.

[amber22]

@baby_k
Thanks for your comments. They are very helpful.
Certainly these are very numerous and complex because they are perceived and scaled differently by different people.I have explored and figured it out in the last few days.

What you write is right on target.
I thought that once I knew what I liked I had to follow it all the time, but I guess not.
Trying is a little scary, but I feel that if I repeat it, I can become okay.

[Cebakes]

On 11/25/2022 at 10:48 AM, amber22 said:

I have been pondering my dynamics lately.
I have seen many different opinions on this forum and the more I look into it the less I understand it.

How did you identify your style and needs?
I would also like to know if there are any articles or checklists that would help them.

Have you read these? Someone was kind enough to post these and I saved them.

 

https://ddlgplayground.com/blogs/the-playground/what-is-ddlg

 

https://sexualalpha.com/ddlg/

[MissNMTX]

The translation did turn out great. Honestly, this is an ongoing question for so many of us. Just like any other part of life you have to grow.

Continue to study, keep talking to people and asking questions. I think the most important thing is as long as nothing is causing you harm. Just accept yourself we're you are and accept that things will evolve. It's so funny we always say "there's no one true way" but then we try to make the dynamics fit into specific boxes. They are relationships and are meant to be personal and individual.

[amber22]

22 hours ago, Cebakes said:

Have you read these? Someone was kind enough to post these and I saved them.

 

https://ddlgplayground.com/blogs/the-playground/what-is-ddlg

 

https://sexualalpha.com/ddlg/

Thank you for sharing! I'm reading now, and it is helpful. I looked in this store while reading the article. So it turns out that I'm not really attracted to products for little.

Thank you!

[amber22]

@MissNMTX Thank you for your reply!

I agreed with what you said about the importance of accepting oneself and also accepting change.

And I now know firsthand that it is also important to keep growing.
I have recently learned that this ocean is vast and deeper than I thought.

Edited November 29, 2022 by amber22

[MysticSand]

^What the others above have said, and also, experience! There's nothing like knowing if you do or do not like something unless you experience it. I'm all for experiences and especially when it comes to thing you can experience on your own - for example: Pacifiers, onesies, paddles, etc. I think even what we can conceptualize by reading/watching, doesn't always translate well to true experience and feeling. So while yes, you may not be attracted to products for littles while perusing online sites and watching videos on it, keep an open mind should the opportunity every present itself.

In terms of experiencing things when it comes to more than just 1 person, remember: Safe, Sane, Consentual. I believe that's the motto!

[SoftDaddyDom]

On 11/25/2022 at 3:48 PM, amber22 said:

I have been pondering my dynamics lately.
I have seen many different opinions on this forum and the more I look into it the less I understand it.

How did you identify your style and needs?
I would also like to know if there are any articles or checklists that would help them.

Don't try and list what you are and are not into. I find that the people I meet have different needs and desires depending on who they're interacting with. If somebody is caring, they won't be upset if you don't know exactly what you do and don't want. Let yourself discover your needs as you interact with people, and that makes it even more fun for them too if you discover the real you together. Don't read other's opinions on what you should and shouldn't want based on other aspects of you. We're all different so only you can say who you are.

[amber22]

Thank you all three for your replies.This style is really deep and rich and I am glad I got to know DDLG.

I did notice that when I look at other people's things I am trying to push myself into it. But I realized that what I don't understand now, I just accept it as it is.
On the other hand I find tests and checklists interesting and I like them so I did those too.
I am slowly starting to see what I like at this stage.

Thank you ❤️