Are preferences a bad thing?

[BabyBear19]

So while I've been on the look for a new person to call my daddy/Dom. I've come across a lot of dudes an what not being made at the fact that I have some. Kind of preference for either age or even heights. 

 

Like me personally I don't want an you get daddy; nor do I want a very large age gap.  I don't care too much on the height either but still. 

 

I keep getting really pushy dudes, more so very immature regardless of age (but alot of the 25 and younger group) and I'm sitting here thinking, "am.. I the issue? Is my preference an issue?" 

[Little kaiya]

Everyone has preferences and there's nothing wrong with having them so long as you also respect their preferences as well. If your preferences and theirs don't match then moving on us best for both sides. No harm, no foul.

[MissNMTX]

I guess I don't understand this. Of course having preferences isn't a bad thing. We all have them. Otherwise, we'd never find the type of partners we're looking for.

 That said, I have learned to keep an open mind in conversations. You could be surprised. I know I have. In both good and bad ways! As mentioned before, mutual respect is a requirement.

[LoverEcho]

No, you’re not the issue. There is nothing wrong with having preferences. A person you are speaking to should be respectful of them and you both just go your separate ways if they don’t match up. I find that when someone gets mad at a person’s preferences, it is because they have a high sense of entitlement. It can of course be uncomfortable when a stranger gets mad at you for something like that, but it’s best to pay them no mind and move on.

Edited November 12, 2022 by LoverEcho

[beanbean]

nope its yuor right to want what you want nothing wrong at all  with that

[Cebakes]

If they can’t show you respect in the initial contact, imagine how they would be as a daddy?  The reactions you’re getting, show that these people are arrogant, full of themselves,  self centered, etc.  Maturity is certainly a problem as well. At that age, you can only expect so much maturity from a male. Females mature faster than males and at age 25, male brains are finally fully developed and hopefully making good decisions. Younger than that, good luck……

You are not wrong to state your preferences. We all have them. Do you list your preferences? When I see a woman list preferences, and I don’t match, I never approach them.  If someone is not interested in me, I don’t  give it a second thought, and I move on. If a man can’t do that, it shows he would not be able to respect your boundaries in the future. 

[baby_k]

Others responded this already but I'd like us to consider why we may feel like having preference might be a bad thing ( and it's not ).

We get told not to judge book by it's cover, which is fair. But in same time if we just happen to really like pink book covers, that also should be fine. It's our loss if by obsessing with pink we don't read some amazing book with blue covers. People can't really change what they like, nor they should. Being exited about pink is positive extra thing, it's not taking anything away from the other books.

Internet also is filled with these cries of how men/women are "sooo shallow and horrible ( and don't consider me )". Is it frustrating that people seem to always be looking something you are not ( short, tall, skinny, curvy, pale, dark skinned, young, older, experienced, located in xxx, mono, poly, straight... )? Of course. And in the lonely hours it's okay to unload your frustrations by venting but would be better to not to do it publicly nor by targeting anyone.

One thing I have never understood with these cries is that does the person really think that they would want the "shallow d*ck" if that 'shallow person' now magically would like to "act better" and "gave them a change for a date"? Because I think not. Or at least I hope people had enough pride and selfesteem to skip that offer.

We also get told: "you never find anyone", "who you think you are if you think you deserve xxxx". With those, stop for a moment to consider why anyone would said these things? No one has crystal ball that will tel what happens in the future, so the first one is ridiculous and just negative comment which tries to create doubt, panic and probably is attempt of projecting ones own fears. Second one, well, I'd say having preference has nothing to do with what someone deserves. We have this weird idea that love and affection can somehow be bought with looks, behaviour and other things like that. No matter how amazing you are, it doesn't mean people need to nor that they will fall in love with you. Love is not about your performance nor value. Being perfect won't magically give you love. So, again silly comment that tries to create selfdoubt.

( Even sometimes it may be good idea to consider if you are positioning yourself in the best way if you want for example someone who is super athletic and sporty but you prefer to sit on sofa and watch netflix. Sporty people probably would like to share their lifestyle with their partner and it is easier to meet these people in sport events than on your own sofa. If you get off by the contrast that you don't work out while they do, sure, totally fine, but if the reason for wanting to have sporty person is something else, might be good to again think more carefully over what you truly want ).

Of course it always would be great if our dating pool would be bigger but reality is what it is and it won't change by us thinking "it's unfair" ( that is pretty entittled way to think btw ). If you have six eyes, are into some super nieche fingernail cutting fetish ( I'm sure that is a thing ) AND want to date person who is over 2,5 meters tall, has green hair, loves also the fingernail cutting fetish, well, I'd say you are lucky to find one person in your dating pool. ( And even then that person may not be at all into you or they turn out to be horrible manipulative soul eater ). <-- if your preferences are pretty impossible, you way want to reconsider them for your own sake but not for anyone else. And even then think really carefully why you would try anything out of your preferences: is it because you are desparate to have at least something, you feel shame/guilt over what you truly want or because you actually in the end don't care about the thing you thought was so important.

Trying to manipulate others or force them into liking you just does not work. If someone does not like chocolate, they don't like it. And if they happen to love oranges, they just happen to love oranges. Idea of "learning to like something" is ridiculous if it is forced on people. No one needs to like anything.

[Guest Daddylyfe]

preferences can't be helped. If you move past a preference you'll always prefer something else. It's human nature. Physical and psychological preferences will always push us towards certain people. If someone starts dating you and they aren't what you are looking for, that's ok. It just sucks to tell people they aren't your type. 

[Guest Lamps]

People have shared a lot of great thoughts! Preferences are definitely fine as long as they don't become biases. Being open-minded is helpful because especially when connecting with someone online, it takes time to really know if someone fits your preferences. And we may have different fits for someone who we largely talk to online and someone in person. As always, trust your gut!

[MommyTara]

I think that having preferences is good. When I was looking for a second boy (as a Domme, not Mommy) I hated it when subs came to me with: oh whatever you want I will be in to. No, have an idea of what you want and what you like and that makes play all the more enjoyable

[DollDirector]

there might be a lack of examples in this thread . preferring , say someone who suggests dominance , is not like preferring someone who is tall .

it takes some time to find out what one's core preferences are . it requires keeping the "app syndrome" well at bay . (the illusion that you can just swipe at will) .

 

[Guest dumb baby]

Having preferences is absoloutely ok. In fact its a huge green flag as it hows you at least have some clue as to what you want. 

The only point in which I could see preferences as being a bad thing is if you attempt to make someone feel bad for not having them. An example would be weight, if you want someone on the skinny side theres no need to go out of your way to degrade someone who you think is plus size. Same the other way round- you prefer someone a bit more thick then theres no need to degrade someone who is skinny. I have see for example people state that they "like bigger girls as thats how women are meant to be and no one likes to hold onto skin and bones." Liking skinny or bigger girls and stating that on its own is no issue. You are attracted to what you are attracted to the problem comes when you idolise a specific body type by comparing it to anothers body type. 

 

Point blank as long as you are not being rude or offensive to people who fail to meet your preferences then i see nothing wrong with it.  

 

 

[LeftyGuitar]

Nothing wrong with having preferences. Preferences are things you gain from experience and knowing what you want and don't want in a relationship.

[SoftDaddyDom]

Definitely nothing wrong with having preferences. The fact that we’re all here shows that preferences work. Littles prefer daddies over other types of relationships, and daddies prefer littles over other types of relationships. Knowing what you like allows you to be happy when you get it. If we don’t have preferences then we’ll never be happy because we’ll never find what we want because we don’t know what that is.

However, sometimes we think we like something specific, but we’re actually restricting ourselves. Sometimes being open to new and different things can be exciting and allow you to explore things you didn’t realise you would enjoy. For example I see a lot of littles saying they want only a daddy that is close to their age group but then are not fully content with them because they lack some experience.

I think the important thing is that you’re comfortable with your partner. If you think you want something specific that they are not then they should either respect that and let you go, or let you explore new things in your own time. I think daddies should be there for you no matter what you choose to do.

[Kittykat83]

Hiya,

Having preferences doesn't really matter. Other people have preferences too, if you match, bingo! If not, if you all respectfully move along that's fine too. 

What I would say, online, those preferences can be forgot for the moment. If you click, if you find each other funny or caring or he/she just gets you, your onto a winner. Appearances can then follow. It maybe that they are not what you expect if you started an online relationship and then meet. But does it matter? 

I wouldn't start on appearances/preferences, just see if you click with anyone first. 🤷 That's my opinion anyway 😊 

[MarshmallowPeep]

Having a preference on anything is never an issue. You cannot really choose what you like, the same way you can not choose who you are. It simply is the way it is. People should respect your preferences.

[LongTimeMe]

On 11/12/2022 at 8:08 PM, LeftyGuitar said:

Nothing wrong with having preferences. Preferences are things you gain from experience and knowing what you want and don't want in a relationship.

They are also part of your safety net. They help you define what is and isn't acceptable so that you remain physically and mentally safe. Both of these aspects are important.

You have the right to change your preferences. Changes should not be imposed on you.

[LilDemonBaby]

there is nuthin rong with preferences, so long as ur ok wit them haven em.🙂 i have em! i prefer tall men(six ft or so) who are fit and have long hair (it does it for me) who take charge and arent afraid to lay down the law. that may be viewed as a bit sexist but...if he can tolorate me putting makeup on him and playing with his hair then you bet im keepin him.....🫠