I need some advice please

[Lil-shykitten20]

So I've been a little for a while now, and the man I married I had let him know up front that I was a little, after he had mentioned his ex was a little and how he was a daddy and would do everything a daddy should do for and with his little. After dating for a few months I started to feel more comfortable being in my little headspace with him and at first it was amazing! He helped pick out my outfits and whatnot. It slowly stopped and after getting married, like 2 months after, he told me that I needed to stop being little and grow up. It really hurt me because he knew why I regressed to being in my little headspace. Now I'm afraid to be little, haven't been in almost 2.5 years, but I miss it. I never really had a good daddy, mommy or caregiver. I don't know if it's just me, like I'm not the right little for him or something....I dunno what to do...I'm sorry this is so glum. I've tried talking to him but he just doesn't want to be my daddy anymore. He said it was a phase I needed to grow out of. I love him I really do but I love regressing to my little self. What can I do to be little again? Should I just regress when he's not around...? Thank you in advance

[Vampiress]

I'm so sorry this happened to you! Unfortunately if this is something he is not into you can't do anything about making him want to. It's just very sad because either he grew out of it himself at the worst time (for you), or he misled you and was not being honest about it. However, he's being unfair telling you to grow out of it and get over it. It's okay if he has moved on from it (if he was ever into it to begin with), but it's not okay of him to force you to change yourself. He should allow you the space to be little on your own at least. He shouldn't make it so you have to hide yourself and not be little on your own time. Either you need to address this and see if he will be more understanding that it's unfair. If he refuses to accept that then you have the option to do it on your own anyways, or reconsider your relationship. Being little on your own doesn't hurt him, so he should have no issue letting you do that on your own time. I do understand if he doesn't want to engage in it then you can't force him to be around it against his consent, but when you have time apart (like if he's at work) it should be totally okay.

[Andriel_Isilien]

Is this the only issue with your relationship? It sounds very similar to mine but there was a lot more darker stuff going on that ended it in a divorce. Age regressing is something that you shouldn't have to suppress or "grow up" from when you don't feel ready. For me, being a little helps me be a better functioning adult and take care of myself. Is there no way for you to just have littlespace by yourself without him participating? Because it is a form of self care and if he's against that, that is concerning. It's fine that he has his preferences to not be a daddy since he's says that is not who he is. But to push that idea and expectation onto you isn't OK.

[Guest LilBitz]

If his ex was a little, and he had experience being a Daddy, then he knows what he is asking of you, and he knows how he is hurting you when he tells you to “grow up”. It makes me wonder if there is resentment there, as he chooses to hurt your feelings instead of having a conversation about it.

As Vampiress said… He should have no issue with you being in Little Space on your own, and quite honestly, a loving, considerate partner would encourage that, because they know how important it is to you. Him not caring about your feelings is not okay. Not being willing and able to have an adult conversation is not okay. You having to hide your Little self from a partner who knows and understands what it means to be a Little… also not okay. Your happiness matters. You matter.

We all change and grow, and sometimes that can mean growing apart, but it doesn’t always have to. Sometimes you just need to do a relationship check, see where you both are, and if your needs are being met. When things change, you act accordingly. If you can’t even speak to him, and have an adult conversation with him…. that is a problem. If he is not willing to listen to you, and you feel like having a Daddy is something you need, then it is time to reconsider the relationship. He knew how you were when you both married, and wanting you to change is a huge red flag. Not even knowing why… that’s pretty crazy. He is your husband, not some guy you’ve dated for a couple weeks. You should be able to talk to one another, about anything.

::hugs:: I hope you both are able to sit down and have a healthy conversation about all this, because that is absolutely the first step. 

You mentioned that you’ve never really had a good Daddy, Mommy, or CG… I hope you will keep this in mind when moving forward, because it’s so important to realize that relationships are not supposed to hurt, and if that is all you are used to, that is what you will continue to settle for. If someone is not loving you for you, please know that it’s not your job to make them love you, and there are plenty of people who will love you, just as you are. It’s okay to be you. 💜

[Cebakes]

He is being cruel, manipulative and I dare say,  a dick as well.  

[PrincessMuhree]

I’m sorry you’re going thru this I’m here if you need to talk. To be honest I don’t have much advice right this minute. I just woke up haha but I am here for you !

[MasterPhotog]

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Vampiress and others have given you good advice to consider based on what works for you.
If you need to talk about this or any other issues you may come accross going forward, we're here for support and advice. Take care and stay strong, best of luck!

[baby_k]

10 hours ago, Lil-shykitten20 said:

he told me that I needed to stop being little and grow up. It really hurt me because he knew why I regressed to being in my little headspace. Now I'm afraid to be little, haven't been in almost 2.5 years, but I miss it.

Person who loves you and cares for you shouldn't ask something like this from you. They can refuse to have anything to do with your little side but they don't have a right to suppress a side of you or make you hide yourself. You have a right to be you, and you don't have to please anyone like you currently are.

Consider that you loved crafting but your partner says you are not allowed to do that (or any other hobby). As long as the hobby doesn't really affect them, they have no right to tell you to stop something. And it kinda doesn't make sense to ask something like that.

I think you need to confront him, if otherwise hard, write a letter where you tell how you wish to have your little side and how you have suppressed it for him and how that is hurting you. He might have not thought about this too far, so allow him to fix this with you. This doesn't mean he would become a daddy again as that might not be his thing. But at least you should be freely you, and be little by yourself. Of course you need to consider what is enough for you but maybe start first with just getting this straight.

[Lil-shykitten20]

After reading all this helpful advice, I talked to him about it. He said that he knows it wasn't right that he said that due to the fact he was stressed and couldn't be a daddy at that moment. I also think it's bc his ex who was a little passed away and that's hurt him more than he let's on. He told me I could be my little self and it'll take a little time to actually want to be a daddy Dom again as he did love it. He did apologize and love on me, which made me cry a little because I'm a super sensitive person.  Thank you all who helped me 😊💛

[Sloth Fairy]

Edited to add that you were apparently typing your response as I  was typing this. Lol

I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't know how much you and your husband discussed his role as daddy but being that he said he was a daddy previously and agreed to be your daddy makes it seem like he wasn't being honest. Anyone who has experience as a daddy wouldn't ask you to just suddenly stop being llittle. I think this is a him problem, not a you problem, If he's having second thoughts or regretting to agreeing to be a daddy.

You're really going to have to talk to him and express how musch this hurts you. It doesn't sound like he wants out of the marriage but can you live with being little on your own? Is there a possibility that he would be OK with you having a platonic caregiver? What specifically is bothering him about being a daddy and you being a little?

I myself am older and a little, I don't see this as a phase that I can just "grow up" and stop. I've suppressed it in the past and have regretted it. 

For me it's embracing my inner child and letting her out because I didn't get to be a carefree child growing up. This is healing for me. It's something I use to help me with stress and anxiety. I won't drop it for anyone.

I really hope that you and he can talk this out. Hugs

Edited November 7, 2022 by Sloth Fairy

[PrincessMuhree]

11 hours ago, Lil-shykitten20 said:

So I've been a little for a while now, and the man I married I had let him know up front that I was a little, after he had mentioned his ex was a little and how he was a daddy and would do everything a daddy should do for and with his little. After dating for a few months I started to feel more comfortable being in my little headspace with him and at first it was amazing! He helped pick out my outfits and whatnot. It slowly stopped and after getting married, like 2 months after, he told me that I needed to stop being little and grow up. It really hurt me because he knew why I regressed to being in my little headspace. Now I'm afraid to be little, haven't been in almost 2.5 years, but I miss it. I never really had a good daddy, mommy or caregiver. I don't know if it's just me, like I'm not the right little for him or something....I dunno what to do...I'm sorry this is so glum. I've tried talking to him but he just doesn't want to be my daddy anymore. He said it was a phase I needed to grow out of. I love him I really do but I love regressing to my little self. What can I do to be little again? Should I just regress when he's not around...? Thank you in advance

@DrTonka is my Daddy and is gonna try and help 🙃🫶🏼

[MommyTara]

Has something happened to him that made him change like that? For instance, health issues in his family? Where he doesn't feel safe to be a daddy anymore? I ask because I had to do a lengthy domdrop (stopping to be a dominant) with my boy when I was facing health issues. 

If not, then it is really strange, it seems to me that he came into the relationship with you knowing you were a little, and he'd had a little before? He must know how being a little is a safe place for you?

Maybe you need to have a talk about this with him? Ask him to explain what changed, and share how you really need him, maybe negotiate some new ways of being together? 

Sending you oodles of good vibes!

[Lil-shykitten20]

I 

22 minutes ago, MommyTara said:

Has something happened to him that made him change like that? For instance, health issues in his family? Where he doesn't feel safe to be a daddy anymore? I ask because I had to do a lengthy domdrop (stopping to be a dominant) with my boy when I was facing health issues. 

If not, then it is really strange, it seems to me that he came into the relationship with you knowing you were a little, and he'd had a little before? He must know how being a little is a safe place for you?

Maybe you need to have a talk about this with him? Ask him to explain what changed, and share how you really need him, maybe negotiate some new ways of being together? 

Sending you oodles of good vibes!

I really believe its becausehe lost his little because she passed away 3 years before meeting me and he doesn't really try and face what happens he doesn't like talking about it but I've let him know I'm here if he ever needs to or if he doesn't I'll be here when he's ready. 

[MommyTara]

48 minutes ago, Lil-shykitten20 said:

I 

I really believe its becausehe lost his little because she passed away 3 years before meeting me and he doesn't really try and face what happens he doesn't like talking about it but I've let him know I'm here if he ever needs to or if he doesn't I'll be here when he's ready. 

Oh that is just so sad. It seems like he is still mourning and is afraid to let you come too close, maybe? It is so sweet that you want to be there for him, but please care for your little heart too?

[Lil-shykitten20]

27 minutes ago, MommyTara said:

Oh that is just so sad. It seems like he is still mourning and is afraid to let you come too close, maybe? It is so sweet that you want to be there for him, but please care for your little heart too?

I think that's what's going on bc every other aspect of our marriage is great if we argue we always talk through it to make things better and hear what the other person has to say and their opinion.  I'll take care of my little self even if I go into little space without a daddy Dom or any other kind of care giver. 

[Cebakes]

1 hour ago, Lil-shykitten20 said:

I 

I really believe its becausehe lost his little because she passed away 3 years before meeting me and he doesn't really try and face what happens he doesn't like talking about it but I've let him know I'm here if he ever needs to or if he doesn't I'll be here when he's ready. 

That sheds some light on things.  I wonder if it brings back old happy memories that are now sad and painful when he sees you in little space?

[Lil-shykitten20]

1 hour ago, Cebakes said:

That sheds some light on things.  I wonder if it brings back old happy memories that are now sad and painful when he sees you in little space?

I think it does. Now that I think about it more I feel really bad and selfish. I never meant to hurt him more by me being a little...

[Cebakes]

28 minutes ago, Lil-shykitten20 said:

I think it does. Now that I think about it more I feel really bad and selfish. I never meant to hurt him more by me being a little...

You should not feel bad for selfish. This is a pretty complex thing that the two of you are dealing with. Have you asked him specifically if he thinks about his old little when he is with you or you were in little space?

[Lil-shykitten20]

I have. And he changes the topic. That usually means yes. He was with her for like 2 or 3 years before she passed. I think it brings up happy but painful memories.  

[LongTimeMe]

On 11/7/2022 at 7:27 PM, Lil-shykitten20 said:

I think it does. Now that I think about it more I feel really bad and selfish. I never meant to hurt him more by me being a little...

You shouldn't feel selfish, just try and be there when he needs you... and he will. And so long as your actions don't deliberately cause him pain or hurt him then your being there just shows that you love him.

When I lost my fiancé very suddenly it took many years for me to come to terms with being able to go on with life. I still feel very sad on every anniversary of her birthday and other days. Was your daddy's outburst near one of his special dates? it may help you to understand if that is the case.

Maybe he was just feeling sad for being able to enjoy and carry on his life - survivor syndrome in not uncommon for those of us that live on. I sometimes wish it had been me.

Anyway, these are all thoughts from a maudlin old man, but I hope they may help you.