depression sadness loss "Idk if i can do this mommy thing with you"

[Redneck-Kitty]

I've been talking to a lady for like four months, and she just told me "Idk if i can do this Mommy thing with you. Not because I don't want to, but..."
her life is pretty messed up atm. Her husband is abusive, might be homeless next month, etc,etc, etc. I care about her safety and I am worried a out her, but it still hurts

I'm devastated. She was only a hour away from me which is the closest potential Mommy I've ever had. It was awesome talking to her. I've wanted a Mommy
for so long, and I thought I had finally found her. I guess I'm gonna start looking again. But I have several things against me. 1) I have a Daddy 2) I am disabled....
IDK if I will ever find my forever Mommy. 😭

Edited November 9, 2022 by Redneck-Kitty

[Vampiress]

I'm sorry to hear, that sounds like a really rough situation. I think she was just looking out for you both knowing that her life was too much for her right now and she didn't want it to affect you. Being a Mommy can be a big responsibility and it sounds like she wasn't in the right place in any regard to take up that responsibility when she's so worried about where her own life is going. I hope you find a Mommy eventually!

[DaddysMonkey]

8 hours ago, Redneck-Kitty said:

I've been talking to a lady for like four months, and she just told me "Idk if i can do this Mommy thing with you. Not because I don't want to, but..."
her life is pretty messed up atm. Her husband is abusive, might be homeless next month, etc,etc, etc. Which honestly, I didnt want to deal with that , but it still hurts

So .. I can understand the pain and frustration of losing a potential caregiver and also feeling like there’s several things against you in finding one , but this hit me in a really strange way. It feels really selfish. I don’t mean to say that to hurt your feelings , but I’m the type of person who would rather be honest and hopefully help someone self reflect rather than coddle. 
 

The way you worded this and nonchalantly say “which honestly I didn’t want to deal with that” upsets me for the Mommy you were talking to. It’s extremely dismissive of someone who is being abused , might be homeless and is trying to look out for their mental well being as well as yours in this case. If this person is in such bad shape in their life , how can they provide the best version of them to you ? Did they have to “deal” with you having a Daddy , or being disabled ? Likely not , but they were with you nonetheless trying to build something. 

 

8 hours ago, Redneck-Kitty said:

But I have several things against me. 1) I have a Daddy 2) I am disabled....

This also sticks out to me , does your Daddy not know you’re looking for another partner and that’s why it’s an issue ? Because it’s not ethical and other people are less likely to involve themself in that ? Or are you just not having luck in the poly world yet ? 
 

While being disabled can unfortunately put some people off for whatever reason (ignorance , preference for lifestyle choices , inability to provide the amount of care needed ect) , it’s one of two things you listed. 
 

Two things doesn’t seem like that bad of a list honestly. There’s a lot of people who have a whole sheet , a novel if you will , of things they consider to be against them. 
 

I hope you can find a situation and person that makes you happy. Maybe try looking at things in a more positive light , like what do you bring to the table in a dynamic ? What are you proud of in yourself ? 
 

Maybe look for a partner that’s not already in a relationship that’s possibly cheating , and perhaps suggest them getting to a safe place or shelter as being in a side relationship can put the abused party in more danger , or raise your standards high enough that you aren’t dating or getting involved with people in these types of situations. 
 

Wishing you the best of luck 🐾

[Redneck-Kitty]

7 hours ago, DaddysMonkey said:

So .. I can understand the pain and frustration of losing a potential caregiver and also feeling like there’s several things against you in finding one , but this hit me in a really strange way. It feels really selfish. I don’t mean to say that to hurt your feelings , but I’m the type of person who would rather be honest and hopefully help someone self reflect rather than coddle. 
 

The way you worded this and nonchalantly say “which honestly I didn’t want to deal with that” upsets me for the Mommy you were talking to. It’s extremely dismissive of someone who is being abused , might be homeless and is trying to look out for their mental well being as well as yours in this case. If this person is in such bad shape in their life , how can they provide the best version of them to you ? Did they have to “deal” with you having a Daddy , or being disabled ? Likely not , but they were with you nonetheless trying to build something. 

 

This also sticks out to me , does your Daddy not know you’re looking for another partner and that’s why it’s an issue ? Because it’s not ethical and other people are less likely to involve themself in that ? Or are you just not having luck in the poly world yet ? 
 

While being disabled can unfortunately put some people off for whatever reason (ignorance , preference for lifestyle choices , inability to provide the amount of care needed ect) , it’s one of two things you listed. 
 

Two things doesn’t seem like that bad of a list honestly. There’s a lot of people who have a whole sheet , a novel if you will , of things they consider to be against them. 
 

I hope you can find a situation and person that makes you happy. Maybe try looking at things in a more positive light , like what do you bring to the table in a dynamic ? What are you proud of in yourself ? 
 

Maybe look for a partner that’s not already in a relationship that’s possibly cheating , and perhaps suggest them getting to a safe place or shelter as being in a side relationship can put the abused party in more danger , or raise your standards high enough that you aren’t dating or getting involved with people in these types of situations. 
 

Wishing you the best of luck 🐾

I just meant itd be hard for me to deal with it cuz I have PTSD from abuse. So it's be extremely hard for me to be around. I wasn't saying that I don't care. I do care and worry about her every day. 

Yes my Daddy knows and he's fine with it, but most mommies that I've talked to don't want a little who already has a caregiver 

[Skeezix]

It saddens me very much to hear that. Rejection is so hard to deal with, regardless of the circumstances. I hope things turn out much better for both of you in the future. Keep looking, but take time to care for yourself first.