7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dominant

[Guest DominantBlogger]

A nice writeup on characteristics of a good Daddy Dom:

 

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http://www.sunnymegatron.com/7-fundamental-characteristics-of-a-daddy-dominant/

 

 

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy

Dominant

Added Jul 5, 2012, Under: Beyond 50 Shades,Couples (& more) Play,Guest Posts,Male Sexuality,Relationships & Non-Monogamy,Sexual Identity & Empowerment

 http://www.sunnymegatron.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Daddy-girl.jpg

Age play and Daddy play are often misunderstood to those outside of the kinky community.  One can assume the role of Daddy/Mommy or boy/boi/girl regardless of their actual age or gender.  The article below from guest author, Fetlife’s WizarDavid, gives a very accurate peek into the relationship of a Daddy Dominant and Babygirl.  This is part of a series of articles called 

Beyond 50 Shades of Grey

 that take a deeper, more realistic look at elements of BDSM.  Get ready to go Beyond 50 Shades. 

Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dom. He chooses the subcategory of “Daddy” within the lifestyle of dominance and submission (D/s). Let’s get one thing out of the way right at the beginning. A Daddy Dom does not promote incest or pedophilia as the kink may be misunderstood by ignorant people. Rather, in this specific subcategory, the dynamic is set up for the male dominant to be called “Daddy,” and the female submissive (sub) to be called “girl,” “little girl,” or “babygirl,” etc. Rarely is she called “daughter,” as this evokes too many parallels to incest, which Daddies and their girls detest. And while some doms and some subs may have been victims of family violence, incest, or other abuse, Daddy Doms and their girls are not overrepresented in these categories any more than the general population.

The following are some of the fundamental characteristics, and indeed needs, that all Daddy dominants seem to share universally:

1.  Her Number One Fan, the Daddy usually believes in his girl more than she herself does, and often uses the wisdom of his age to see her not only for who she is, but also for who she can become. A Daddy’s eyes light up when his girl enters the room. He is proud of her and praises her for not just for what she accomplishes, but for what she attempts, and for who she is. He accepts her for who she is, flaws and all.

2.  And he knows all her flaws because he is also her ultimate Confidant, allowing her to bare her soul to him beyond all others. She may have many different relationships and types of friends in her life. But Daddy will be her “umbrella confidant.” The one with whom she can talk about absolutely anything and trust that what she tells Daddy stays with Daddy. He is the one from whom she withholds nothing. The one who doesn’t mind if she needs to call and talk at 3am.

http://www.sunnymegatron.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Daddys-babygirl.png

3.  He is the Protector of his girl against real or perceived threats, dangers, and bad people. Sometimes a little girl just needs to curl up in Daddy’s arms and smile at some of his bluster, and sometimes the Daddy may have to act on his protective instincts. Pity the person who messes with a Daddy’s girl.

4.  Her Teacher and mentor shows her new things that come from a longer and possibly wider set of life experiences. Daddy likes to take his girl to places she has never been, feed her foods she has never eaten, and do activities she has never enjoyed before. He is never so happy as when he can look in her eyes and know he has given her something she has never had before. This also translates into sexual adventurism for some Daddy/girl couples. He symbolically deflowers her on a regular basis, whether that be sexual or just in exposure to new life adventures.

5.  He wants to be her Guide and advisor. As the girl makes her way in the world, Daddy wants to be there to answer her questions, calm her fears, make her insecurities go away, and give her sound advice based on his years of experience.

6.  Anchor. The Daddy dom is an unyielding, unmovable anchor in the storm. No matter what happens in the girl’s life, she knows her Daddy will be right there where he has always been, and she can hold onto that even if she is blinded by her own tears. Daddies know the storm will pass, and she will be safe, but she needs something to hold onto that will not move.

http://www.sunnymegatron.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/daddy-dominant-2.jpg7.  Disciplinarian. When the girl acts badly, she expects to be disciplined or punished for the infraction. Most Daddy dominants find it occasionally difficult to keep this up, especially as the affection for their girl grows. They would love nothing more than to spoil their girls, but they realize this is the path to ruin. One a girl begins to believe she can manipulate Daddy, she no longer sees him as her dominant, unyielding anchor. A girl needs the stability and protection of a man who is more dominant than she is. To demonstrate that characteristic, Daddies must sometimes be excessively strict and rigid, more so than they would in normal relationships. The act of disciplining the girl may be used as part of a sadomasochistic activity.

In addition to these practically mandatory characteristics, some couples add their own sadism and masochism to the mix, and may use the concept of the wolf or lion and little lamb to describe the way in which the Daddy simultaneously protects his little girl from the world, and yet wants to dominate and devour her sexually. As a sadist, he may create the very tears that he will later kiss away. Sounds sweet, and yet terrifying, if you are not accustomed to the world of sadomasochism in which these participants operate. But to a Daddy and his girl who are into BDSM, this is the most perfect of scenarios they can imagine to act out their fetish.

Daddies come in many flavors, just as their girls do. Some Daddies may have polyamorous girls who have male and female lovers, and Daddy may be that one person outside the polyamory “family” who does not judge her. A Daddy and his girl might not have a sexual relationship at all. Since this is typically a D/s construct, there is usually a sexual component, but as can be seen from the above list of characteristics, sex is not the largest factor or the motivating force in this type of relationship. A Daddy may have more than one girl, may be married and have a girl, too, or may have other types of combinations. But it is rare for a girl to have more than one Daddy.

It is said that “a Top is for tonight, a Dominant is for as long as she is submissive, a Master is there until she is no longer a slave, but a Daddy is forever.” Daddy may have to give his girl away to a husband. He may eventually run out of things to teach his little girl. She may ultimately not need his sage advice and his experience any more. Hopefully he will be too old by then to have to deal with it, because when there is nothing left to teach, no need for a confidant, no discipline needing to be meted out, when his little girl no longer needs her Daddy, that’s when he will die inside. The need that Daddy has for his girl is every bit as potent as the need she has for her Daddy.

A Daddy usually knows he is one. He doesn’t have to be convinced of it, or taught how to be a Daddy. He may only need to have his innate Daddy characteristics pointed out to him. It might happen in the throes of a sexual activity when she exclaims “Daddy” for the first time, and the light goes on. Similarly, the little girl usually knows she needs a Daddy without having to be taught how to be his little girl. Once they identify themselves as Daddy/Little Girl, the draw is more powerful than many other forms of attraction, because it is rooted in deep-seated and old emotions that may not have any other outlet.

http://www.sunnymegatron.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Daddy-and-babygirl.jpgGirls in this lifestyle do not act like little girls in their normal work lives. They do not bring teddy bears to work. Indeed many are older women who are very assertive and successful in the business world, but need this special place to get nurturing and comfort lacking in their careers. A Daddy might not necessarily act parental or fatherly in his normal work life either. For some it may be role playing, for some it is a secret lifestyle, and other couples delight in the joys of unabashedly practicing the Daddy/girl dynamic in public. In any case, it evokes deep-seated needs and emotions for both parties, and is a very powerful dynamic.

While some of these characteristics could easily be applied to any good male-female relationship, there are some that require something quite different than the “50/50 partnership” that is so often touted as the most healthy. This is not 50/50. This is a Dominant/submissive relationship, and all the characteristics should be viewed through the lens of D/s.

And while many of the characteristics could also be easily applied to any good D/s or Master/slave relationship, there are some characteristics that are decided different. Not all Masters consider themselves their slave’s number one fan or her umbrella confidant. Teacher, guide, and anchor are not necessarily roles that a Master is required to adopt.

This is nowhere near a complete treatise on Daddy/girl relationships. It does not address the possibility that parent-child ego states (Transactional Analysis) are the preferred communication mode. It does not address the “play space” created by the Daddy for the girl to enjoy feeling “little,” or many other aspects that make D/g different from other D/s, M/s and similar dynamics. But this description of Daddy Dom characteristics will hopefully be useful as a baseline explanation of what makes a Daddy tick.

 

Big thanks to WizarDavid for giving me permission to repost this.  This is one of the best write-ups on Daddy play I’ve seen.  Do keep in mind this is written based off of the authors own experiences as a male who plays with females.  There are other points to be made about butch Daddies, Mommies, etc.  
If anyone would like to write a follow up addressing butch Daddy play, leather Daddy play, Mommy play or from the point of view of a girl/boy/boi, please let me know. 
~Sunny Megatron

 

[Guest Pouty Kitten]

Thanks for posting this! This is great

[LittleElisa]

You always find the best articles!

[Little kaiya]

When I read the par you quoted I reflected on my Daddy and that's pretty much exactly what He genuinely wants and does day in and day out.

“He wants to be her Guide and advisor. As the girl makes her way in the world, Daddy wants to be there to answer her questions, calm her fears, make her insecurities go away, and give her sound advice based on his years of experience.”

He is always there for me when I confront insecurities whether they're about my body, being genderfluid, unsure about the impact of the advicacy work I do, my professional job or career. He may not always understand even but He is 110% committed to helping put those insecurities or fears to rest. He answers any questions He can and seeks answers when He isn't sure.

He and I are very different ages, with Him being younger, but He still brings His years if experience to the table.

Maybe I'm lucky but what was described is actually who my Daddy strives to be every day. He's been very clear, He doesn't want cute, little or downplayed versions of who I am or my emotions, He wants the full, true, authentic me.

[beanbean]

11 hours ago, gigisweetheart said:

I just saw this post. It’s nice in theory but I doubt there are very many daddy doms who actually want to guide and help their littles thrive. Maybe I’m just jaded, lol, but this part made me roll my eyes: 

“He wants to be her Guide and advisor. As the girl makes her way in the world, Daddy wants to be there to answer her questions, calm her fears, make her insecurities go away, and give her sound advice based on his years of experience.”

From what I’ve seen in posts here, and from some personal interactions with daddies and just partners in general: very few people seem to want to put in that kind of effort or work in a relationship. That part of the article seems idealistic and probably why I ended up disenchanted with the reality of this lifestyle. 

Not that I ever expected a caregiver or partner to do any heavy lifting (that’s what therapy is for), but a lot of people seem to implode as soon as their partner gets even remotely anxious or sad. They may want cute or little versions of fear or anxiety (like comforting a little who is mildly scared during a storm, lol) but I really don’t believe that many people would step in for more meaningful guidance. 🤣

I’m sorry if my opinion is offensive. It’s just an opinion, not fact, based on my own experiences. It’s just hard to read these “fundamentals” when a ton of daddies are not at all interested in being THAT involved. The more involved sort seem to focus on obedience and not guidance. 

I don't know if all . I do know when I go in a ddlg relationship my rules are targeted to finding things there not Happy with and changing and much less focused on the generic rules every one seems to want to inact.the idea is I don't want them to change for me but for them and help them do things that maybe hard on there own .thus increasing there happiness and ability to thrive. And I do believe more of us go into that with those goals in mind doesn't mean we succeed of course 

[Guest Memento_Vivere]

I agree with @gigisweetheart that it is perhaps a little idealistic but there are certainly Daddies out there who do offer guidance and love seeing their littles thrive. I think what @beanbean said about finding out what a little/sub is unhappy with, what they want to change and gearing rules and guidance towards that is important. Sure there are some generic rules but these unique ones agreed upon together matter so much more and can help them thrive.

[beanbean]

1 hour ago, TomsCruiser said:

I agree with @gigisweetheart that it is perhaps a little idealistic but there are certainly Daddies out there who do offer guidance and love seeing their littles thrive. I think what @beanbean said about finding out what a little/sub is unhappy with, what they want to change and gearing rules and guidance towards that is important. Sure there are some generic rules but these unique ones agreed upon together matter so much more and can help them thrive.

Yeah I mean everything starts out as a good idea and gets withered as people water it down or take advantage of it .so the best I can do is my best

[blingsing]

On 11/2/2023 at 8:22 PM, beanbean said:

Yeah I mean everything starts out as a good idea and gets withered as people water it down or take advantage of it .so the best I can do is my best

The most we can wish for is your best. 🌻

[DaddyUmbreon]

This is a really good subject to draw upon. I believe what is posted up there to be true. @beanbean @Little kaiya @gigisweetheart all bring up some good points. Gigi I can understand being disillusioned by experiences here. I want to point out something crucial though. Just because someone calls themselves a Daddy, or a Dom, or Master, or any such denominator on a site like this or any other, doesn’t not mean they are. Is this a kink or a lifestyle or both? I could call myself an electrician and all I’ve ever done is screw in a lightbulb. These fundamentals are true of what a Daddy Dom should be. I am the first person to say don’t trust me and make your own judgement for who I am, How I am, and my own actions. I see all too quickly, and I’ve stated this before, people give up all their boundaries only to be used or hurt and… much like Gigi… disillusioned. 
Any relationship, including DDlg, should be formed knowing each other and setting healthy boundaries. Actions and affections should be willing and wanted and not transactional. Every person is different and there is no exact cookie cutter form of it. A daddy/caregiver still falls under what that name states. A caring, nurturing, and supportive figure. Are daddies or caregivers perfect… no! And much like real life, not all people are meant or ready to be one. Some are naturals. Some take work. I myself am one that took many years to figure and forge myself into who I am. While I’ve naturally been inclined to this role, raising brothers and caring for others, I’ve stumbled and made mistakes. Just as everyone here, I’m sure. When it comes to the core, these fundamentals are true to what the role is. Whether the person you interact with does or doesn’t is a different story. Also what you allow a given partner, what boundaries you set, are also up to each individual. A partner… a daddy/caregiver… whomever… if they truly care and want to build something, they accept and love every part of you. You both don’t have to love everything or be involved in everything. Just being accepted is a great thing itself. That’s what makes us unique and attracts us to each other. 
I have Daddy in my username. Maybe I am one or maybe I just call myself one. Only you can make your own determination. That happens the same way with anyone. Talking and getting to know them. It’s easy to immediately idealize this concept. It’s easy to let down your guard at first. Don’t. Take the time as well and put in the work to vet who you are getting into things with. Every relationship, if true, takes work from both sides. Much like Kaiya described, they will be there 110%. Ha. Even if we don’t understand everything. And I’m sure she’s there for him, cuz no man is an island. 
As @blingsing said, you can wish for the best. Anyone who reads this, take your time. Don’t rush to things. Don’t take titles at face value. Explore and understand yourself and the other person. Keep your boundaries and take care of yourself. As they said in old times, beware of snake oil salesman. 
 

[DaddyUmbreon]

Describing the fundamentals of something involves explaining its basic principles, core components, or essential elements. It's about breaking down the topic to its most basic and foundational aspects to provide a clear understanding of its structure or function. @gigisweetheart you are right, however,  describing the fundamentals of something doesn't necessarily mean that it encompasses every detail or aspect of that thing. Instead, it focuses on the foundational or essential elements that are crucial to understanding or defining it. While fundamentals provide a basic understanding, there can still be additional complexities or nuances beyond those basics. This is nothing more but a guideline or outline. There are many factors as I stated, like the choice of it being a kink, a lifestyle(24/7), or a combination of the 2. 
Everyone will have their own definition of what they define these terms. That lies in the individual. Through interactions we find what others define it as and how we mesh together, what we are wiling to compromise, and what we cannot. Much like the basic fundamentals to life are safety, shelter, food, water, and interaction. They still exist but how you find it is different. For shelter… are you ok in the woods? Or a tent? A cave? Or a house? This is why I stated to take time to see where and how anyone meshes with another. Much in your response, you acknowledge a fundamental and specified some. Whether it aligns with you or not. The fundamental is there. The preference is a different discussion on its own. 
A list of fundamentals is left to interpretation further and after to each person. You can ask questions like “What is your preference for DDlg? Lifestyle or kink?” “What makes you feel safe?” Etc.

Memes are a different thing as that is specifying something directly past the form of a list. Memes are a reflection of the poster’s or creator’s preferences. 

[SadyDaddy]

gigisweetheart, I recon your arguments on that. What comes to my mind, reading your posts is that you are right, when you say "fundamentals" are too strong in describing the above. It might be more of a guideline, if any. 

There are two pillars of a "BUT". First the popular and society one: In those day you need to talk with "hard" words and if you want someone to read your articles, you cannot use a headline, which catches no attention. The word "fundamental" - and I am sure about that - made 90%, maybe more, clicking on that forum thread. And also reading the original article. That does not make you argument invalid at all - you are still right, but that's the reason why you can argue about the headline in the first place. I think a good part of people reading this article, do not empower the words, like you do. What is actually the reason that "we" need to sue words like this for headlines. It's a spiral of using more and more powerful words for the same effect. 

My second "BUT"-Pillar (I wonder, how many people are going to read "Butt-Pillar"... I do, even I know it's not meant that way  )
In a perfect world noone would need any "fundamentals" or "requirements". The lovely DD/lg relationship you describe is waht everyone would really love to have. I fear it's only a small percenatge of people in ANY realtionship, who are able to love unconditionally and without "rules". It might be pretentious, but I would like to compare those fundamentals with the ten commandments. We have a consesus that we should not steal and you don't have to tell this most of the people. But for those, who are not sure about it, or for those who even don't care, you need those fundamentals/commandments. I hope you are seeing, where I want to go with that: For you, obviosuly a very clear minded, reasonable and consent-seeking person, such fundamentals, guidelines, or however you call them, are not only useless, but even hinder your ability to live a relationship. And that's absolutely fine. For others, it is crucial to have a code of conduct to live and it - hopefully - prevents littles from getting into toxic relationships with "Caregivers". 

For the topic itself: I enjoyed reading those fundamentals and I think those are a must-read. But then also a must-think-about, like gigisweetheart (and others) did. Following blindly - no matter if it's people or statements - does harm. Thinking (usually) not.  

[DDCool]

I think this is the best article and comments I have seen on the forum so far. Some excellent discussion and posts, very interesting.

I think it just reinforces the face we are all individuals and need to find what works for us as such. Great stuff everyone, put far more eloquently thank I could ever hope for 😁♥️

[MotoDaddy]

On 11/1/2023 at 9:27 PM, gigisweetheart said:

I just saw this post. It’s nice in theory but I doubt there are very many daddy doms who actually want to guide and help their littles thrive. Maybe I’m just jaded, lol, but this part made me roll my eyes: 

“He wants to be her Guide and advisor. As the girl makes her way in the world, Daddy wants to be there to answer her questions, calm her fears, make her insecurities go away, and give her sound advice based on his years of experience.”

From what I’ve seen in posts here, and from some personal interactions with daddies and just partners in general: very few people seem to want to put in that kind of effort or work in a relationship. That part of the article seems idealistic and probably why I ended up disenchanted with the reality of this lifestyle. 

Not that I ever expected a caregiver or partner to do any heavy lifting (that’s what therapy is for), but a lot of people seem to implode as soon as their partner gets even remotely anxious or sad. They may want cute or little versions of fear or anxiety (like comforting a little who is mildly scared during a storm, lol) but I really don’t believe that many people would step in for more meaningful guidance. 🤣

I’m sorry if my opinion is offensive. It’s just an opinion, not fact, based on my own experiences. It’s just hard to read these “fundamentals” when a ton of daddies are not at all interested in being THAT involved. The more involved sort seem to focus on obedience and not guidance. 

Well, as I know you said they are probably not often seen, daddies that give guidance.  I am one that does.  When my little broke down in a life crisis (multiple times for many reasons), I was there to help her through the best way I could. Always giving advice and helping her use that advice.  I loved showing my Little ways to overcome obstacles and navigate the necessities of adulting when she just wants to be little.  To me it was the most wholesome part of being a Daddy.

[EyesOnFire]

Lots of interesting advice and insights..tons to digest..thanks 🙏