I can fix the relationshiip, its not that bad....

[Guest]

Huge triggerwarning for this thread, we will be talking about how red flags can escalate to something dangerous. 

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I just seen this video again recently, and realized how many people I have seen and even myself have missed the warning signs... How easy it can go from that beautiful fairytale to something you never knew it could become.  

 

 

The love bombing, the fast pace to the relationship, the slow shift of isolating from friends and family, the sudden bursts of anger.

• I can fix them
• They weren't like this when we first got together
• I made them mad, I deserve this.

Phrases like this are what I have seen cause so many people go down a very dark road 

First and foremost, if you come to a point in a relationship where you are 

• scared of your partner
• feel like your walking on eggshells (nervous)
• losing your identity to what your partner wants
• feeling like you are going crazy due to your partner
• etc. (anything where you are not feeling like your in a healthy relationship)

These are signs that the issue could be more than just a miscommunication and you "can fix them".

Yes there may be some issues that can be faced and spoken through in couple counseling together or even individually.
but some people, some relationships cannot be fixed and that is not your fault or responsibility to fix someone else.

This can happen to anyone, to the smallest, thinnest man or the biggest bodybuilder woman.

Your body type, gender, or sexuality does not mean you are safe from someone preying on you. The only way to keep yourself safe is to know the signs, to know how to spot them early and get yourself safely out of the trap as soon as possible. 

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I want to start this thread to have us post our own experiences with this type of situation, whether in our own relationships or those close to us who've been through it. 

[Andriel_Isilien]

Something I have failed to appreciate is how well (or in my ex's case - how poorly) they get along with other people. I did not give enough time to see how notorious my ex is for burning bridges and cutting literally everyone out of his life. I mistook it for he needs to be shown unconditional love and have someone believe in him. The classic "I can fix/help him". Toxic people aren't able to maintain relationships with any family or friend for a reason, because they are the common denominator for every problem. 

It's also important to remember, there is always help. There is always a way out. There is always someone willing to support. Don't believe the lie that it's too late for you to escape. There is hope.

[Quirky]

I would wager lots of us have had not just hard but abusive or toxic relationships. One of the best things I love about littlespace is it's a cope and a joy. I remind me of my core and that it is good. I am however a glowy person so life and therapy agree: I tend to attract narcs and socios. I think emde rocks, parts work is good for those with parts and as for red flags: I use internal rules. When someone pushes these (cuz I am a natural pleaser) I try to have an inner alert that says that is a narc/socio/not desired aggressive tendency. I've got a healthy helping of masochistic so I tend to take emotional n physical pain too much  before going hey: I don't like that. So if you too get in situations where your blind til your not: skip the conseling sesh: this one's on me: accept it and try to place watches for the next red flag. Reach out to Seven Humans (not just one doc or a friend: Seven humans need to know Your Story and brainstorm ideas on how to move forward or out or make peace depending where you're at. (Tends to be isolating so be creative to find your folks). Usually takes Seven tries to leave abuse so realize you can do it and keep trying. And double props to the littles like me who need extra an good daddy to help heal. If you have abuse in your past: oh well first you can lean on me: helps to know we do survive and thrive. And um counseling, you can't navigate life alone (daddies too). Get a coach for it.