They love me , they love me not , they love me..

[DaddysMonkey]

Hey poopy butts 🖕🏻 

 

A topic I wanted to cover under red flags is the use of the phrases “I love you” and “I’m in love with you.”

 

Love is a very dense and heavy word , but it can also feel really light and feathery. 

 

You can love your friends and family , your community and the people in it , you can love animals and nature , the environment , you can love people as a whole and the planet in general. 

You can love your partner(s) in a completely different way. It’s much more sensual , intense , and takes time in my humble opinion. 

 

We’ve all seen the movies and the cliche , “I love you , but I’m not *in* love with you.”

I personally believe that’s very true , you can have love for people or things but diving into something so meaningful and heavy so fast can lead to a lot of heartbreak. 

 

It’s something I see in real life and on this forum very often is people who meet and start saying I love you alarmingly quick. ( Within days or couple weeks )

 

Something to think over before getting caught up in heartbreak , scaring someone off , or possibly having unhealthy behaviors you might not know you have ( or do know and you’re a manipulative jerk wad) is : 

 

Are you feeling infatuated with someone versus love ? Infatuation or “puppy love / cupcake phase” is completely normal ! When you’re talking to someone new and learning all kinds of things about them that you find interesting or endearing , it’s easy to think OMG I ~love~ this person ! I must be *in* love with them. 

 

Taking a step back and looking at important information you should hopefully have versus less important information is really helpful when you can’t tell whether you’re excited about something new or truly in love. 

 

*Less important information most people have that can lead to infatuation : 

 

-We have so many of the same interests !

-We like all of the same movies and music ! 

-They’re my type physically ! They’re so hot 🥵 

-They seem to have a large friend group ! 

-We like the same type of foods ! 

-They love video games !

-I like that they have time to talk to me ! 

 

*More important information most people have about potential or current partners before truly being in love : 

 

-Do you know their family ? At the very least the names of their family and the type of relationship they have with their immediate family. 

-Do you know their full name ? First , middle AND last name people. How can you love someone and take their last name (if that’s your choice to do so) if you don’t even know it ? 

-What is their living situation like ? 

-If they have a job , do you know what they do ? 

-Do your morals and ethics align with each other ? 

-Are you able to tolerate each other’s political and social opinions and views ? 

 

Why would anyone say I love you / in love with you so quickly ? A multitude of reasons really , ranging anywhere from people being really desperate for attention and affection , people who are really manipulative and will love bomb others that they think have a weaker will than most , young or immature people who rush into things due to lack of life experience , all the way to people who say it just because and even more in between. 

 

While some of these reasons are obviously not as harmless such as just being young or immature and just inexperienced. Other reasons are not so harmless , such as people who are so desperate they don’t care if they’re jumping from person to person saying they love each one , or people who are manipulative and take advantage of inexperienced or easily groomed people.

 

If someone is showing exuberant amounts of attention , saying I love you days or a couple weeks into speaking to each other it’s healthy and safe to set boundaries. Someone’s reactions to your boundaries will tell you a lot about them. 

 

It’s not rude to tell someone you don’t love them and explain why , if someone pressures or tries to pressure you into saying it back than it’s probably not going to be a healthy dynamic to start with. 

 

Pay attention to your physical reactions , did you start getting anxiety ? Heart pounding ( not in a good way ) , feel like you’re stammering instead of just saying it back ? If someone saying I love you makes you uncomfortable , it’s important to take mental note of that. 

 

Take your time , there is no need to rush love. 

Edited October 26, 2022 by DaddysMonkey

[Andriel_Isilien]

This appeared in my feed today and hit me. Real, genuine love is not disposable as words are easy to switch. Love is constant with the actions that follow through.