Red flags (or green flags) for online dating

[Guest Aquaman]

I’m just curious what are some of y’all’s red flags when it comes to online dating? Plus I’m sure this might help out some people new to the scene of online dating (:! I’ll start with some red flags.

When people are flaky with communication. I think it shows a certain level of interest if someone is putting effort into communicating with you. So if someone just disappears and doesn’t communicate with you on what’s going on for at the most two days. I’d say cut your losses and move on. 
 

wont compromise: depending on your dynamic and the situation and if you gave consent to being ok with not having any say AT ALL in the relationship. Having a partner that won’t compromise or just flat out not be considerate of a rational suggestion that you feel is important shows a lack of empathy on their part. 

[LoverEcho]

A few big ones to me are:

-Too demanding, ie wants certain things from you right from talking, sets hard expectations. Almost treats you as if you are meant to be totally committed from first conversation. Big manipulator and toxic relationship red flag.

-Too focused on sexual topics, sex is a part of many relationships but it should not be the basis on which said relationship is built (unless that is fully consented too by both parties). If sex is all two people have in common or all one party cares about, the relationship will fizzle out. Also find this is a red flag for someone that WILL over step boundaries. 

-Quickly wants to move chat elsewhere, I understand that here and on dating sites the on-board messengers can be less convenient to talk on, but it’s best to get to know people a little before moving off site. I find that most of the time, when someone wants to move chats off-site, it’s often for sexual reasons. Big red flag.

-High clinginess, by this I mean someone who wants you to be around all day everyday. This is a problem in a relationship as well, but when just talking to someone who makes this expectation..it’s a sign of someone who has co-dependency issues. That will put a strain on both parties in a relationship. 

-Short/empty profile or personal.** I want to note that the empty profile is regarding only those that express they are looking for a partner. I think a lot of people forget this isn’t a dating site, so not everyone is looking for that. ** This shows a huge lack of effort in actually finding a partner. I find it is often someone just looking for sexting/nudes, other favors, or a catfish. 

Edited October 22, 2022 by LoverEcho

[Guest Aquaman]

those are super good! 

[AmandaBear]

Some red flags for me are if they want to use honorifics early, they act like I'm their submissive even though we never even discussed limits, they only talk about sexual stuff, they're flaky with replying....the list goes on, but those are some big ones.

Green flags for me are if they make the time to chat but don't get weird or controlling with it, they try to get to know you as a person and not just your kinks, they don't try to rush into anything or force it.

[beanbean]

Just be careful out there and take your time don't rush in to things the biggest problem is people want things now rushing seems like the best way to miss red flags and many do

[Guest Runa]

I think, for me, someone who isn't willing to get to know me is an immediate red flag.  If you're serious about dating then you want to know if you're going to match a potential partner!

When it comes to messaging, someone who gets upset when I don't reply within an expected time frame - I might be sleeping, perhaps I'm at work, etc.

I met my current partner here on the forum, we've been together for several years now.  We chatted here for a while until I asked for an easier way to contact him.  We had interests outside of DDlg that we shared.  He didn't want to start using names like "little one" or "Daddy" until several months after we had been talking and getting to know one another.  I never had a reason to doubt him at any point in our relationship.  There were good and realistic boundaries in place from the start.

[ZandraMeow]

Everyone has mentioned a lot of red flags, so I just say one thing as a warning.

It is still about trust, and judging whether someone is trustworthy or not is always the most important thing.🧐

Learn to slowly get to know a person, to know whether you can entrust yourself to them, to know what you can do when you trust them to a certain extent. This is difficult and requires a lot of practice. And you will also make tons of mistakes and suffer many injuries.🤕

But judging whether someone is trustworthy is not really that difficult - the devil is in the details. Sometimes you see ten thousand signals that the other person is not trustworthy, but you just don't want to believe it.🤷‍♀️

You see it, you know it, but you have a million reasons to make excuses for them.

The tears you shed in the future are all the water that in your brain now.🙃

Edited March 30, 2023 by ZandraMeow

[Taggy]

On 3/30/2023 at 6:23 PM, ZandraMeow said:

Everyone has mentioned a lot of red flags, so I just say one thing as a warning.

It is still about trust, and judging whether someone is trustworthy or not is always the most important thing.🧐

Learn to slowly get to know a person, to know whether you can entrust yourself to them, to know what you can do when you trust them to a certain extent. This is difficult and requires a lot of practice. And you will also make tons of mistakes and suffer many injuries.🤕

But judging whether someone is trustworthy is not really that difficult - the devil is in the details. Sometimes you see ten thousand signals that the other person is not trustworthy, but you just don't want to believe it.🤷‍♀️

You see it, you know it, but you have a million reasons to make excuses for them.

The tears you shed in the future are all the water that in your brain now.🙃

This is sooo true. I works also the other way around. I've been through shit in the past so it takes a really long time to trust someone. And even though someone may give lot's of signals that they are trustworthy I sometimes refuse to believe they are as it sounds to good to be true. But yeah the devil is in the detail. If someone continuously shows they are trustworthy they probably are. So any sign of trustworthyness is a green flag