How long should I wait?

[amber22]

I found daddy 4 months ago.
We are in a LDR and there is a 13 hour time difference.

He told me he would be busy at work for 2 months. That was from July to September and I agreed and the frequency of contact went from daily to about once a week.

Now it is almost the end of October and I have not heard from him for less than 3 weeks.
I don't know if he is still busy, if he has other things to do, or if there are other problems.

We have talked before about the need to explain why when one of us wants to break up (just one of the themes of the chat).
So I would like to believe that he will not leave without any explanation. However, I have never met him, so I don't really know.

One possibility is that his business is starting to take off. He was getting ready to start his own business separate from his current one, so maybe that is keeping him busy.
If so, that would be great.
But I do wish he would have contacted me, even if it was just to say a few words.

I sent him a message stating that I would like to talk to him, but he did not see it and my thoughts disappeared into the void.

Is this a selfish rant?
How long do I have to wait?
I know this was more of a complaint than a consultation, but I'm glad you have some ideas.
And sorry if there are any wrong sentences as I am using a translator.
Thanks for reading.

[Cebakes]

The English is very good. No issues with the translator. This topic-situation comes up at least once a month on this forum.  It almost never ends well.  Changes in patterns of communication are never a good thing, especially when communication comes to a halt.  In your heart, you most likely know how this is going to end.
 

Personally I don’t think getting busy at work is a valid excuse for not contacting someone for an extended period of time.  When I worked, I had a very demanding career, and I was a single parent, but always made a point to contact my x wife, girlfriends, and kids as needed. I did much work out of the office but still kept in touch with those close to me.  I certainly did not sit around chatting on the phone or sending off long texts, but I was always there for people in my life and communicated routinely.  

It is not a selfish rant. Ghosting someone like this is not right. It’s shows poor character and ethos.  He should have sent one final message , explain himself, and said goodbye.  Sadly, I think you need to move on and find someone better. 

 

[Guest LilBitz]

I don’t know what your Daddy does for work, but with the technology we have today, keeping in touch daily is not difficult. Even if he worked full time, round the clock, there are always moments where he could send a text, etc.

That being said, if he isn’t making you a priority, and you need more from him, I would move on. Most everyone expects more from a person in a relationship, and we shouldn’t chase people. If people want to be in our lives, they will be. You deserve better  💜🧸✨

Even if he did contact you soon, it wouldn’t change the fact that they made no effort to contact you for weeks, and have not made you a priority in their life. That’s not much of a relationship.

Long distance relationships can be difficult, for obvious reasons. Communication is everything, and building trust can be difficult, because the reality is, we just don’t know the lives people truly live when we are hundreds or thousands of miles away. 

There are people who hide the fact that they are married and have families, in an effort to live out fantasies and explore fetishes that they can’t explore with their partners. This can be very common in the DD/LG fetish/lifestyle/community especially.

You definitely need to watch for red flags, and have a good idea of what *you* want from your Daddy in a relationship. If someone truly doesn’t have time for you, then chances are, they are making time for others you don’t know about. 

Most long distance DD/LG relationships are the complete opposite, with both parties making a huge effort to stay in touch not only daily, but throughout the day, as it can be very hard not to see the person you care about. It forces people to go above and beyond, to make sure their partner knows they are cherished. 

Don’t settle for less than you want, need, and deserve. 💜💜💜

 

Edited October 22, 2022 by LilBitz

[amber22]

24 分前、Cebakes 氏は次のように述べています。

翻訳者に問題はありません。このトピックの状況は、このフォーラムで現在月に 1 回受けられます。特にコミュニケーションが途絶えた場合はなおさらです。
 

個人的には、仕事が忙しいということは誰か、と長時間連絡を取らないことの妥当な言い訳にはならないと思います。でしたが、必要に応じて妻、ガールフレンド、子供たちにずっと連絡をとっていました。私はオフィスの外で多くの仕事をしましたが、それでも私の近くにいる人たちとは連絡を取り合っていました。それは利己  的

な暴言ではありません。このような人をゴーストあり化するのは正しくありません。して、さよならを言うべきでした。悲しいことに、あなたは先に進んでもっと良い人を見つける必要があると思います。 

 

Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it.
I too have read the forum and understand that this problem happens often and that I will soon fall under this category.

I am a student so I don't know how busy working people are. I don't know if it is normal to lose contact for a couple of weeks at work.
It's hard to generalize because everyone has their own pace and perception and tolerance, but it's good to hear your personal opinion.

I have sent him a message today.
If I don't hear from you for another two weeks, I will leave you because I don't see any hope for this relationship.
I would like to hear from him if possible, but I am prepared to do so.

Edited October 22, 2022 by amber22

[Guest Aquaman]

i agree with cebakes, if he wants to make time for you he WILL find the time. not even a goodnight or goodmorning message? theres 24 hours in a day and he cant give you 20 minutes of his time telling you whats going on that day? you know in your gut something is wrong. listen to it. youve given him MORE than enough time to contact you

[amber22]

5 minutes ago, LilBitz said:

I don’t know what your Daddy does for work, but with the technology we have today, keeping in touch daily is not difficult. Even if he worked full time, round the clock, there are always moments where he could send a text, etc.

That being said, if he isn’t making you a priority, and you need more from him, I would move on. Most everyone expects more from a person in a relationship, and we shouldn’t chase people. If people want to be in our lives, they will be. You deserve better  💜🧸✨

Even if he did contact you soon, it wouldn’t change the fact that they made no effort to contact you for weeks, and have not made you a priority in their life. That’s not much of a relationship.

Long distance relationships can be difficult, for obvious reasons. Communication is everything, and building trust can be difficult, because the reality is, we just don’t know the lives people truly live when we are hundreds or thousands of miles away. 

There are people who hide the fact that they are married and have families, in an effort to live out fantasies and explore fetishes that they can’t explore with their partners. This can be very common in the DD/LG fetish especially.

You definitely need to watch for red flags, and have a good idea of what *you* want from your Daddy in a relationship. If someone truly doesn’t have time for you, then chances are, they are making time for others you don’t know about. 

Thanks for your comment.
My Daddy works for a moving company. So he informed me that he is busy from july to september.

I think your opinion is right on. And thanks for the nice bear💜🧸✨.

Now I guess I just have to fight my feelings of liking him and follow the red light.

[Guest LilBitz]

::super huge hugs:: 💜🧸✨💖

[amber22]

22 minutes ago, Aquaman said:

彼があなたのために時間を作りたいのなら、彼は時間を見つけるでしょう。おやすみやおはようのメッセージすらありませんか？1 日は 24 時間あるのに、その日に何が起こっているかを伝える 20 分の時間をあなたに与えることはできませんか? あなたは腸の中で何かが間違っていることを知っています。それを聞きなさい。あなたは彼にあなたに連絡するのに十分な時間を与えました

Good morning message was 2 weeks ago.
He asked about an email I sent him and a photo, which I answered, but it still hasn't been read.

[Guest Aquaman]

2 minutes ago, amber22 said:

Good morning message was 2 weeks ago.
He asked about an email I sent him and a photo, which I answered, but it still hasn't been read.

you know what you want out of a relationship more than we do. follow that big fat heart u have ❤️ 

[amber22]

If you have other opinions, by all means let me know.
I want to know what different people think and it would be helpful.

[baby_k]

In the early phases of relationship (when it's hardly even dating), I really dislike if I need to keep contact all the time. Sometimes work can be super tireing and you just sleep and go to work, nothing else, which some people have issues of understanding.

But, huge BUT, I have to admit that those times were not great for starting a relationship as I was not really present. And I would never ask anyone to wait for me because phase like that. AND in all honesty: if I'm interested in someone, I will have time for them. Like at one business trip, I thought I didn't even have energy to order room service, I still ended up having video call with my romantic interest (and almost dropped my phone to bathtube but that's another story...).

When someone is not keeping contact with you, it typically means "he is not that into you". They may like the idea of you or they may have difficulties to leave the relationship for good but person like that won't make a good partner. Even if it would be because some life changing situation (such as "all my family died", "I found out I have cancer", "my depression/anxiety got super bad") which would be understandable, they won't make a good partner right now. So, would be in your best interest to move on. You have waited tons already and there is clear unbalance of power in the relationship. You deserve to be loved and adored -and not needing to wait for ages that the other one responds. Find person who truly is super into you and thinks they are the luckiest person alive to have even met you.

Edit: btw, while you wait tha guy, you might miss your chance to meet someone amazing. So, think carefully if he is worth that.

Edited October 22, 2022 by baby_k
adding comment

[Little kaiya]

Honestly, if I was in your position I'd bounce. If this is how he acts during the honeymoon phase of the relationship it is highly unlikely to get better later.

[amber22]

Thank you all for your comments.
I had hoped that there was some hope for this relationship, but reality seems to be harsh.
As others have commented, I have begun to understand in my heart and head that this relationship will not last long.
Even if he were to respond to me right now, I would still say goodbye to him.
Regardless of LDR, communication is important and also very difficult.

Anyway, thanks for getting back to me!
You’re all so kind and I’m so glad I was here to discuss this with you.🧸

Edited October 23, 2022 by amber22

[Vampiress]

I think you did the right thing in contacting him and giving him a time limit. There are 24 hours in a day, it is not hard to make 5 minutes of time at least for someone you really care about. The lack of effort on his part just shows that he is probably stringing you along. You deserve so much better than to have to wait weeks for a single reply. Just know that this isn't your fault, it's a fault in him and he shouldn't be treating you like this.

[SmolAetherr]

if they cant take at most 5 minutes out of their busy day to contact you, its a clear sign of things

in my opinion, we live with free wifi affordable computers and phones

no excuse other than they just arent thinking about you

 

i am sorry if my opinion is blunt or mean but i personally prefer not to waste time on people who dont set what is literally a few seconds of their day aside to let me know they are okay and still present

[amber22]

6 hours ago, Vampiress said:

彼に連絡して時間制限を与えたのは正しいことだと思います。1 日は 24 時間ですが、大切な人のために少なくとも 5 分間の時間を作ることは難しくありません。彼の側の努力の欠如は、彼がおそらくあなたをひもでつないでいることを示しています. 1 回の返信を何週間も待たなければならないよりも、はるかに価値があります。これはあなたのせいではなく、彼のせいであり、彼があなたをこのように扱うべきではないことを知っておいてください.

Thank you for saying it is not your fault.
I honestly feel guilty leaving there without discussing it with him.

So those words save me

[amber22]

4 hours ago, SmolAetherr said:

if they cant take at most 5 minutes out of their busy day to contact you, its a clear sign of things

in my opinion, we live with free wifi affordable computers and phones

no excuse other than they just arent thinking about you

 

i am sorry if my opinion is blunt or mean but i personally prefer not to waste time on people who dont set what is literally a few seconds of their day aside to let me know they are okay and still present

Your opinion is not blunt or mean.
If it feels that way, it is because my gut agrees with your opinion.
Thank you for commenting!

[Cebakes]

35 minutes ago, amber22 said:

Thank you for saying it is not your fault.
I honestly feel guilty leaving there without discussing it with him.

So those words save me

You should use this as a learning experience and not be experiencing any guilt about  how you ended things.  It is he who should be experiencing guilt.

 

 

[Guest Richard Rockah]

Out of curiosity, what is the main method of communication you have had with your daddy? Email? Text app? Phone? Messenger? Forum?  Other? 
Is it something that allows instant response? 
I used to communicate with kik mainly and had it set so I knew instantly when the person sent a message to me. They also knew the instant I replied too.  

Edited October 24, 2022 by Rockah_Twins

[amber22]

4 hours ago, Cebakes said:

You should use this as a learning experience and not be experiencing any guilt about  how you ended things.  It is he who should be experiencing guilt.

 

 

Thank you for your comment.
Hmmm...I know in my head, but it is going to take a little while for my heart to get there. 😞

[amber22]

4 hours ago, Rockah_Twins said:

Out of curiosity, what is the main method of communication you have had with your daddy? Email? Text app? Phone? Messenger? Forum?  Other? 
Is it something that allows instant response? 
I used to communicate with kik mainly and had it set so I knew instantly when the person sent a message to me. They also knew the instant I replied too.  

We are using Snapchat.
I'm new to it and don't really understand the system, but his snap scores have increased over this time period so I'm thinking he is using it.

[Vampiress]

2 hours ago, amber22 said:

We are using Snapchat.
I'm new to it and don't really understand the system, but his snap scores have increased over this time period so I'm thinking he is using it.

That is a huge red flag if he is using it to communicate with others, yet is completely ignoring you for weeks. He sounds very selfish and inconsiderate.

[amber22]

Well, I'm a little tired and need to empty my head, so let me vent a little more here.
I talked about guilt. I want to vent about it.

Before I lost contact with him for 3 weeks I sent him a message and he saw it. I told him that I missed you and wanted to talk to you, but if you were still busy at work I could wait. That was a lie. I really wanted to talk to him every day, but I didn't say it.

At the beginning of our relationship he told me to be honest with me about your thoughts, frustrations, and anger, and I said of course, but I did not do so this time.
He was busy, so I alone decided not to pressure him there and drive him away.

He saw the message and I think he said "thank you" but I don't remember because I didn't save it to snapchat.

At least he did not explain why he could not contact me after that, so at that point it is already out of my mind.
From his point of view, he might think that you said you would wait and now suddenly you are angry.

If you lie about your feelings, it will come back to you.

It may sound like I am defending him. In fact, that is partly true. I still have feelings for him.a

Just needed to get it out. Thank you for reading this, even though my writing may have gotten messed up.

[Cebakes]

1 hour ago, amber22 said:

Well, I'm a little tired and need to empty my head, so let me vent a little more here.
I talked about guilt. I want to vent about it.

Before I lost contact with him for 3 weeks I sent him a message and he saw it. I told him that I missed you and wanted to talk to you, but if you were still busy at work I could wait. That was a lie. I really wanted to talk to him every day, but I didn't say it.

At the beginning of our relationship he told me to be honest with me about your thoughts, frustrations, and anger, and I said of course, but I did not do so this time.
He was busy, so I alone decided not to pressure him there and drive him away.

He saw the message and I think he said "thank you" but I don't remember because I didn't save it to snapchat.

At least he did not explain why he could not contact me after that, so at that point it is already out of my mind.
From his point of view, he might think that you said you would wait and now suddenly you are angry.

If you lie about your feelings, it will come back to you.

It may sound like I am defending him. In fact, that is partly true. I still have feelings for him.a

Just needed to get it out. Thank you for reading this, even though my writing may have gotten messed up.

This is a good place to vent and share your thoughts. Due to the nature of DDLG, many don’t have people or friends  to vent to.   Get it all out.  Your feelings are all understandable, but you have done nothing wrong.

 Please don’t overthink this.   Try to spend more time on your studies, going to the gym, being with family, friends, reading, and other things that you enjoy to pass the time and keep your mind off him.   Things always happen for a reason, and I can assure you this is his loss.   Learn from this experience and watch for these red flags in the future.

Your English translation continues to be fine and very understandable.

[Kittyprincessss]

“If he wanted to he would”. I always take that into consideration.