Coping alone

[GothNerd]

Hello. This may be long so I’m sorry in advance. Im still new to this. I’ve always had little tendencies and just didn’t realize what it was. Problem, I don’t think my hubby would want to be a daddy. Years ago before I new I was a little I overheard a conversation between him and some guys we played airsoft with. He said calling your partner daddy was a turn off for him. When I realized I was a little I never mentioned it. We had a friend that we played with once and he wanted me to call him daddy in bed so I did. A good wile after that my husband referred to himself as daddy but I panicked and reverted to sir. Move one a year or so later. We had separate play partners at one point. I called my partner daddy and his called him daddy. He saw my texts so he knew I called my partner daddy. When I questioned him asking, “she called you daddy? I that was turn off?” He said she’s always did it from the beginning so he just dealt with it. All that has ended and we’re pretty much monogamous again. Recently, like with in the last month/ month and a half he’s been having me call him daddy but only in bed. Last night he said I need to stop talking back, I’ve been doing in public and I need to listen to daddy all time. I have no idea what he meant. He hates some of my little tendencies. Like when I whine or cry over something. When I’m struggling with something most people don’t and need help he says stuff like “do I have to hold your hand through everything?” Or “your an adult you don’t need help” I know I should just ask him what he wants or what he meant but I have a huge fear of rejection so I’m afraid to let him know I’m a little. Also he’d never be the kind of daddy I want. He doesn’t cuddle. He says past injuries make it painful. He wouldn’t brush my hair or wash me in the shower. He won’t even shower together. He doesn’t like sharing the water or the small space and I like it to hot. He wouldn’t pick out my cloths or sooth me when I cry over stupid stuff. So do any of you Little’s have a partner that isn’t a daddy and how do you cope?

[DaddyDom3238]

Hello, I wanted to first say I am sorry that you are struggling with this, I can tell by what you wrote how troubling and upset you are about this. Rejection is of course a fear that every human has regardless if they are in the lifestyle or not. However, regardless it seems that you are both fairly open based upon what you wrote about having other play partners outside of your specific relationship. If you can navigate that dynamic then I feel you should certainly be able to have a discussion with him about how you are feeling and what you need/want out of a DDLG dynamic. It appears that he cannot provide what you are needing but you won't truly know that until you have that discussion and if he cannot maybe you find a "Daddy" outside of your relationship that will provide what you need. I only say that because you both had play partners previously and were ok with it. Regardless, have the discussion with him and give him the opportunity to address your needs or it could lead to resentment.  

Lastly, as a Daddy/Dom who has been in the lifestyle for many many years lol, you cannot make someone be a "Daddy" you either are a Daddy or you are not a  Daddy. You can learn to be a better Daddy but you cannot make someone have that headspace anymore then you can make someone that is not a little/sub become one. I truly hope you can work through this with him and communication is key especially in this dynamic. 

Tyler

[GothNerd]

Thank you Tyler. That is my issue. With who he is and how he is I don’t see him being a caring daddy. Part of the reason we don’t have separate play partners anymore is because we try to keep it “fair”. After our other relationships ended he hasn’t been able to find another partner. If he finds another partner I would look for a daddy for myself. 

[moondust mochi]

Golly, this is tough! It doesn't necessarily sound like DDLG would be right for him outside of the bedroom, but the only way you'll know is if you ask him directly. Have you guys sat down and had a metatalk, partner to partner, about what you want out of a relationship with him? I know it sounds like you guys aren't playing anymore, but platonic caregivers and older siblings do exist! 

[GothNerd]

Moondust. We’ve been together for 10 years. We’ve had talks about what we would like with each other and sexually. Out of all the talks and things we have tried he never mentioned wanting to be a daddy. I know I really should just talk to him but I avoid confrontation and rejection. Even when I know a talk won’t end in a fight I always fear it will. I have past trauma that even after 10 years I can’t let go. I am talking to a therapist so maybe in time I’ll be brave enough to mention it. 

[Peachygrrl]

My most recent relationship resulted in me trying to make a daddy out of someone who is not.  To be fair, he presented himself as a daddy from the beginning and in my inexperience I believed that saying he was a daddy was enough to make him one.  Fast forward two years and many many disappointed expectations and what I learned is that you cannot wish and hope a person into being  a caregiver.  I hope you do find a way to discuss it with your husband, because it goes far beyond just not getting a daddy when you think you want one.  Its not getting your needs met in general, and that's a problem that will not go away on its own.   It just compiles and builds over time.  I hope the time with your therapist helps you find a way to get your needs met in whichever way best suits your situation.  You deserve it.  We all do.  ❤️

[littleoneaesjorna]

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Edited April 12, 2023 by littleoneaesjorna