Having a hard time NOT slipping into Middle Space

[Guest]

Ok, so a bit of background. 

My dom/fiance/ daddy just moved in with me like end of July, Which is amazing!! but I have issues with changes, not that I consciously want to have issues with changes but my Generalized anxiety + past trauma makes me very very very dependent on routines making me feel safe and sane. so its still taking me time to get used to sharing my day to day life with my daddy, but what makes it worse is that his schedule is discombobulated right  now since he has to train days (we both used to work night shift and that meant we spend practically all day talking)

My daddy is really good about helping me when I feel unbalanced, but of course he's going through his own transition, with moving in, finding a job here, and family needing him. Which I completely understand and support him during this and so I have been trying to keep life as uncomplicated as possible for us both. 

On top of all of this I am starting courses at college again, and still working 40+ hours a week... 

So now to what this post is about:
Recently I have been dropping into Middle space quickly and frequently. While I know its due to stress, I was wondering if anyone had:

• some tips to help me keep the lid on the box sort of. ie stress relieving techniques to keep from needing my MS as an outlet so much. 
• or maybe just help by giving me your own experiences on this..
• little middle space stuff I can do that isnt like complex but more so I can do to appease the inner gremlin and let the "adult" get back to adulting stuff xD

I am feeling a bit crazed at the moment. tired, stressed, and feeling bleh. Maybe if I meet more middles or have more little friends to talk with and gossip... maybe it wont be so bad. 

Also before anyone asks, yes my daddy knows how i am feeling. he helps as much as he can rn with training for his new job but hes also stressed himself and so we are trying to balance out each other, and if that means i get help from friends to keep that balance on my end then he is perfectly happy I find it. 

[Sloth Fairy]

It's understandable that you're having a struggle with all the changes right now. You have a lot on your plate it seems. 

There's a self care app that I've used in the past that might help. It's called Finch. It's a virtual pet that the more you take care of yourself helps take care of your virtual pet. You can set up goals in it. There's breathing exercises and other practices in it to help you. Maybe setting up goals/routines with a chart with your daddy would work better, with rewards when you achieve certain things. 

Keeping a journal has helped me to get out the thoughts that build up. Figit toys help when I'm out. I even have a figit spinner ring . It looks like a regular ring but has a couple of outer rings that spin around, so I play with that when I have anxious energy. 

Added images of rings as examples and because they are so cute (and I might be buying). Found on Amazon under figit rings. The sunflower on the 1st one spins. The other one spins around the ring itself. 

 

Edited September 8, 2022 by Sloth Fairy
Added images

[DaddysMonkey]

Dang dude , thank you for being so open and sharing this struggle. I’m always surprised when I open up like this how many people can be supportive or are going through similar things. I’m one of those people that relate to you here ! 
 

When I have high stress / anxiety / avoidant symptoms going on , the middle part of my brain starts screaming for attention. I would describe it as almost a distraction ? I’m middle 24/7 , it’s just who I am. But…. I also have a lot of adult responsibilities and stress between work , home , and therapy. So even though it’s who I am , it’s fluctuates with how much it comes out. So when I start feeling really overwhelmed , my brain goes “this is a FANTASTIC time to act like a 12 year old and get nothing done 😎” 

It’s not productive at all ! Lol. Not only a distraction , but it’s like a defense mechanism that my brain does. This is overwhelming you and changes are terrifying you ? Go monkey brain ! No more scary thoughts , just ….. BANANAS. 
 

*little middle space stuff I can do that isnt like complex but more so I can do to appease the inner gremlin and let the "adult" get back to adulting stuff xD* 

This is very subjective to what you like as a middle , but when I feel like I can’t control being the goblin monkey I am I usually go for something that will appease that side of my brain. When I’m in full Monkey mode , I’m a cheeky little shit that likes to laugh and tell jokes and prank. So … I don’t suggest this with everyone 😂 But at my job I have some long time customers who know me really well… so when they pull up to the parking lot I’ll hide behind out door and scare the daylights out of them. I’ll get a good little demon laugh out and can function the next few hours. Laughing is usually the key to chilling out my monkey brain , otherwise I get into a lot of mischief. Cat videos , monkey videos , old people falling down. Anything to make me cry laughing for a good five minutes ! That’s what I’ve found helps me best. The second best thing that’s not always available for me is wrestling. Either Dad or Big Brother , but a good five minute rumble tussling around and beating the crap out of each other (they don’t actually hurt me don’t worry I’m more likely to hurt them and make them scream uncle) , really sets my brain right. The more I talk the more I feel like I belong in a zoo 😬

 

*I am feeling a bit crazed at the moment. tired, stressed, and feeling bleh. Maybe if I meet more middles or have more little friends to talk with and gossip... maybe it wont be so bad. * 

 

AHHHHHH AH AH AH AH ! THIS. I was so stressed out and trying to recharge my social battery the past few days…. 

Shameless awesome friend plug because she’s an silly little Guinea pig momma angel and made me snort laugh yesterday ….. @andrielisilien sent me the FUNNIEST fucking video yesterday ! 😂 I saved the video to my phone and was showing all my customers ! Everyone got a killer laugh out of it. That’s something I suppose that’s not too in your face , but you can still get a little demon giggle out and make some people laugh telling jokes or showing some funny videos.

Having a solid ass friend (or even a few) helps me A LOT. I have avoidant personality disorder , so having friends can be very stressful for me…. But honestly the few I’ve made here have been a huge help in that way specifically. I’ll be having the weirdest day and I’ll receive a sweet message or funny video and my brain gets lit on fire with happy feelings and love. Or even if I just want to vent about something like the subject you’re talking about , having someone I can bounce ideas off of is really nice. 

I also agree with @Sloth Fairy about fidget toys ! Big brother got me these spinning rings , they’re amazing. Even though I have Monkey brain I get bored of toys really fast and if I can set it down , it’ll get set down and I’ll find trouble elsewhere. The rings stay on my hands and I use the fingers the ring isn’t on to spin them crazy fast. It’s also a good sign for Dad and Brother to pick up on , if I’m spinning my rings like crazy it means I’m getting really overwhelmed and they can take a step back and help me work through it. 
 

Big Brother is moving in with Dad and I soon so it’s really refreshing to see someone talk about challenges people face in real life with this kind of stuff. I’m always happy for happy people of course but this kind of post has a sense of realness i can appreciate especially since you clarify how great your Daddy is , and that you’re just finding other avenues you’re both okay with for help.  I’m sure a lot of scary and new changes will happen when he moves in with us too. I’ll keep tabs on this post for future reference :3 

Edited September 8, 2022 by DaddysMonkey

[Andriel_Isilien]

My little side isn't so much as a "gremlin" that needs a free pass to act out with mischief 😅 LOL But I think I can relate just a little bit. In my case I tend to feel lonely with myself. August was a not so nice month for me (altering medications for my mood) and I felt stuck. A lot of pent-up emotions and feeling that I don't have control over my life. I can totally relate to the need for routines in order to feel security. Last month I kept getting angry and wanting to punch a certain someone (more like break their legs). Being agitation like this I will let out when I go to the gym. In that environment it is totally acceptable to go crazy on the machines or slamming a weighted ball against something. 😁 Just no screaming or yelling. I save that for when I'm in my car. 👍 But, even with this "release" I still was missing something. That's when I reached out to a few friends that I felt safe to really open up to and have an ugly cry with. I didn't need them to fix my problems, I just needed to feel that I have a voice again. Then, another friend invited me to a Renaissance Faire and just be silly. That I didn't know I needed. I could let out some teasing, witty jokes, laughter, and not have a care in the world. After all of this I have been feeling more settled again. That or my medications have finally panned out.

 

Something subtle I have noticed that also helps me is my job. I work in senior caregiving and in a funny way that makes me feel little because these clients are like my grandparents 😊 I am service oriented, so it works really well for me to be good at my job while I feel fulfilled in return. Most of it is companionship. These old people can be so sweet and endearing. Free hugs all around!! ❤️ Plus, sometimes they try to sneak candy into my pocket or a kiss on my head which is too funny! They can be so sassy and I love it 😆

 

It could be a combination of all these things: physical, emotional, or medical... perhaps some others that fall under the umbrella of "self-care". Maybe what you need isn't to "keep a lid" on the stress but a way to let it out that is healthy. Best of luck to you! 

[LoverEcho]

I feel for you going through this right now and I hope that everything will settle soon. My middle space is somewhat constant and instead of slipping into it, I have to turn on adult mode when its necessary. What I have to consciously prevent sometimes is younger-minded spaces but those are rare for me.

Anyhow, some things came to mind when reading your post so I figured I would write them down in the event that they help. "Scheduling" time for space releases could be an option. If you, in your mind, know that you won't have to go a long time without being able to de-stress in your middle space, perhaps the quick drops may let up a bit.

If that is not something that you feel would work, your idea about easy things to appease your mind is definitely a good idea. Personally, I keep games (phone), books (digital), and fidgets (mostly keychains for me) at hand when I need something simple to quell any space related needs when I cannot fully commit at the time. I also find listening to music is a way for me to enjoy my space in a non-conspicuous and easy way. This has been mentioned above, but I want to second that sometimes quick videos help me as well. Just being able to take a moment and enjoy something that soothes that middle space part of my brain can let me go on with whatever I'm needing to do. I hope some of the suggestions everyone has written can help you!

Edited September 9, 2022 by LoverEcho

[Guest]

oml thank you everyone, truly, for all the advice!! I'm honestly  close to tears cuz i didnt expect anyone to really respond and to see so many trying to help makes me so so soooo happy to have joined this community. 

I am definitely going to try the fidget ring idea and self care app @Sloth Fairy, Im looking at finch and its sooo fn adorable!! thank you for suggesting those!!
I am a huge huge huge animal lover so this will definitely help me focus on my self care by caring for finch x) this is such a cute cute idea!! 
"Maybe setting up goals/routines with a chart with your daddy would work better, with rewards when you achieve certain things."
I love love love this idea. me and him havent got to that point yet, we are still adjusting to each others lil quirks of living together but this will greately help us adjust and even more so talk about what each of us need on a daily basis. Thank you!!! 

The silly stuff @DaddysMonkey suggested sounds like something that could help while at work, I'm bit of the bubbly, silly one anyways but I'm normally more reserved.
" thank you for being so open and sharing this struggle. I’m always surprised when I open up like this how many people can be supportive or are going through similar things. I’m one of those people that relate to you here ! "
To be honest, i was shaking a bit writing stuff cuz I'm normally a very very shy/private person when it comes to my own struggles, like i will go 18,000 miles and fight dragons for a stranger if i need to but I would never ever expect someone else to do so for me and only feel like speaking about my own struggles is just to much stress or time for others to listen to xD so it really really surprised me when all of you amazing people responded to me to try and help. Can I say your shameless little friend plug is absolutely adorable. I have seen you, slothfairy and andrielisilien around this forum, and tbh I have always had fangirl energy reading responses you guys have for others. but shhh dont tell anyone. 

"Big Brother is moving in with Dad and I soon so it’s really refreshing to see someone talk about challenges people face in real life with this kind of stuff."
Oh yes, while its absolutely amazing to have that person you been wanting to see every day be there, its also a big change to. getting to know their routine, who does the laundry...dishes....clean the bathroom or which towel is yours (i never even thought about this til i reached out the shower and the towel was cold and wet that i normally use...) lil stuff you never even really thought about being something you talk about but pop up. its great but ahhh xD I am sooo excited for you tho!! you will have to update me on how its going once he moves in! 

I prolly get back into working out like @andrielisilien suggested since I did feel better with a focus of my energy, but havent really been able to recently. but thats no excuse. 
I do still scream in my car sometimes, even sometimes go back to my early teen music to yell at the top of my lungs when im driving to get some of that "ahhh" energy out xD
 I'm a very "cry at a drop of a hat" emotional person so maybe I should spend the weekend crying to some disney movies... get some of that energy out too.. 

"I think I can relate just a little bit. In my case I tend to feel lonely with myself. August was a not so nice month for me (altering medications for my mood) and I felt stuck. "
II'm really sorry that august was not so nice a month but 'm super duper glad your medication seems to be helping or otherwise you feel settled right now. I know how isolating it can feel when your world feels topsy turvy and it feels like no one else can really relate to it... I remember what it felt like when I finally got on the right dose of my anxiety meds and how it went from me feeling like i was in a MACH 5 tornado daily to finally feeling like i was back in kansas on solid ground again. You are super duper stronk for going through that and still bringing joy and love to your patients. I am sure they are soo grateful to have you there with them. 

Finally your patients sound absolutely adorbs!! I love love loved working with older individuals in my past job and dearly miss having that "grandparent" feel when you see them daily. I miss them and even miss the strawberry hard candy they would give me, even tho i swear its been in that jar for an eternity. 

Also @LoverEcho the suggestion about scheduling middle space is a good idea and prolly should download a few games on my phone to give my brain a break on breaks. hehehe break on breaks... see this is why my brain needs it... its going a bit loco... 
"but I want to second that sometimes quick videos help me as well. Just being able to take a moment and enjoy something that soothes that middle space part of my brain can let me go on with whatever I'm needing to do."
Yes your right that I prolly should take time to just enjoy some little stuff like videos, games or something like that to soothe the middle space part of my brain... one of those " you dont need to be on the ball all the time" situations i guess. x) and thank you for helping, I think all of these suggestions will help immensely!! you all have been sooo sweet. 

Like many of you, im usually acting very " middle" normally but the description Monkey gave kinda explains how me fully slipping into middle space is like, very distracted, my executive disfunction increases exorbitantly so i cant seem to focus on anything and lose time to finish what I need to finish.
but with all of these suggestions, I really think I may be able to find a good balance. thank you all really. I hope I can return the support when you all need it one day.  and feel free to respond here or message me if you ever ever ever need to talk. 

[baby_k]

22 hours ago, Alana_Lala said:

I am feeling a bit crazed at the moment. tired, stressed, and feeling bleh.

This is bit useless "advice" but will give it anyhow:

you seem to have clear and extremely understandable reason for what is happening. People don't work well with too much and prolonged stress, and all sort of symptoms start to arise from situations like that. And unfortunately we tend to make the situation even worse by getting extra stressed because of our reactions, and wanting to keep all in control, and trying often forcefully to get situation to "normal". Even what is normal is that you have reactions, and that your body will tell you things with them and your emotions.  ( Also, it's normal to try to avoid things that are unpleasant ).

I think you need to listen to yourself here too, and not just try to "deal with the situation". Obviously this is not easy but if you are really stressed and tired, there is a clear need for unwinding. Which maybe your body is trying to do bit forcefully with slipping into little space. I'm not saying that "just stay in little space all time" but try to consider how you could take care of yoursef better in the situation, ease up, and in same time take care of your responsibilities. Sometimes it's not possible to do all, and maybe you need to choose where to focus.

[Sloth Fairy]

I'm so glad that you found my suggestions helpful. It makes my heart happy and I love how supportive everyone is here. Such an amazing thing to find. 💗

[Guest IndiaDaddyDom]

The occurrence of middle space or little space are proportional to the middle/little's sense of smollness, sense of joy and stress response.  Which means that the middle/little enters their middle space/littlespace when they are feeling smoll, when they are experiencing joy. The feeling of smollness and joy can arise from the activities they are doing or from the care of the caregiver. 

When it comes to stress response, middle/little space has the effect of reducing stress and producing balance in the mind and body of the person. In that sense, if a middle/little is experiencing lots of stress, then they can experience themselves entering their middle/little space frequently.  

While, there is nothing wrong with that, but, to control the process, requires that the person uses other stress management methods so that the person's mind and body is able to process the stess response In a balance manner. 

Stress management methods are five kinds 

1. Getting life organized. 

Use a journal to write down your thoughts, worries, goals, and problems you are handling as well as any important schedules you have. The purpose here is to lower the mental load from the mind involves in keeping track of things. You can even use GTD (Getting things done system by David alan). Or bullet Journaling. 

2. Well balanced circadian rhythm.  

It involves eating balanced meals, sleeping before 11 am or midnight, and drinking water well. 

3. Progressive muscle relaxation and mindfulness 

You will find many YouTube videos on those. But the essence of the methods are laying down, closing your eyes, scanning your body for tension then slowly relaxing your muscles. And take slow deep breath. And staying still like that. You can also try the method called yoga Nidra. Coloring and singing can also help. Also proper posture exercises and stretching is important.  

4. Structured Decision making 

Structured Decision making means that you handle life problems by using Decision making techniques and Decision making models. The reason for using Decision making techniques is to reduce Decision fatigue. You will find those in Google or YouTube. 

5. Dealing with difficult emotions. 

Difficult emotions are self-doubts, frustrations, anger and helplessness that arise in response to stress. To manage those, you will have to mindfulness. When you feel those emotions, take a step back by stopping your hurrying behavior and taking a deep breath, then telling yourself that let's clam down first. To process the emotions, you can do coloring, or listen to music or engage in laying down.  The main principle here is that you practice awareness of when your mind and body are exhausted, and not pushing itself too far. Tasks can be handled after taking short rest periods. 

Edited September 10, 2022 by IndiaDaddyDom

[Guest]

awee @baby_k I absolutely love your suggestion. it is so simple but sooo sweet. like "just take some time to chill, listen to your middle side and dont try to fix everything and everyone" thank you for your advice . I will really take it to heart truly.

also i cant ping you india but your advice was extremely well thought out and amazing. I will try to implement the things you suggested as well.

[DaddysMonkey]

I had @Expired send me the links to the spinny rings he got me 😇 They’re affordable and they help me a lot so I figure it’s worth looking into ! 
 

 

https://a.co/d/c3y1p89
 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B098Q74TJ8/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apip_NfzLPjc4aD881

[Hisbabygirl806]

Oh n my blankie too. I'm not into stuffies

Edited June 7, 2023 by Hisbabygirl806