What should a CG/DD do?

[Nuvien]

I am still fresh to being a CG/DD and recently I was approached by a little. I won't share any names or details of them for their safety as they have been very kind and friendly. But during our conversations they went into their little space. I was a bit taken aback and uncomfortable as I am not their partner and did not want to take advantage of anyone without their consent. I explained to them I felt uncomfortable because of the reasons I stated earlier and stepped out of the conversation to hopefully let them enjoy their space. We do still talk and they are still friendly, but I can tell they are much more guarded now. I can understand sometimes that you can feel comfortable enough talking with someone that you open yourself up so I do not blame them for what happened. My question for other CG/DDs what would you have done in this situation? 

[Lil-leo]

Personally If i was a CG in this situation i would have let them know that  this is new to me and that i want them to feel safe enough to be themselves and how much i am honored they felt they could trust that part of themselves with me and let them continue to speak that way just informing i may not always know how to respond 

[beanbean]

i mean if you feel like you did the right thing and were trying  to protect her and felt uncomfortable ,but yeah i understand were the little is coming from too . just got to be careful i guess is what i am saying

[Nuvien]

Thank you Lil-leo and beanbean, I can definitely see were each of coming from. I felt like I made the right choice, and Lil-leo I do appreciate what you said. 

[Little kaiya]

Just as a caregiver shouldn't assume someone is their little tye same goes for the reverse. A little should not be assuming a caregiver is theirs until that conversation has taken place.

I asked my Daddy your question and He said He would have been uncomfortable and done the same as you. He would have stepped out of the conversation.

At the end of the day DDlg is between two or more MUTUALLY consenting adults. If the little proceeded into littlespace without your consent I'd say it crossed a line, just like if a caregiver started giving a little rules or anything else without their consent first. It's a two way street in my mind.

[Vampiress]

You did the right thing, in that situation a little should probably excuse themselves as interacting with a Caregiver in that regard is exposing and engaging the other in their kink and isn't okay without consent. It's just the same as a Daddy shouldn't assume to start calling a little he just met pet names, so littles should not slip into littlespace and expect anything of a Caregiver that hasn't agreed to engage them in that space.

[Barney048]

Okay, so I didn't read the above replies, because well, I'm feeling lazy atm 👀. So what I say may  already have been said by others. 

 

Frst of all, you have the correct approach. Most people in your sittuation would have jumped at the opportunity to "speed things up", even if they knew it was wrong. So that by itself shows that you'll make a great caregiver. 

 

When I start talking to someone on here (or anywhere online or irl) , I make sure to let them know what they can and can't expect from me as our relationship evolves (when I say relationship I am generalizing, doesen't mean romantic or sexual) . I make sure to let them know what my boundaries are and what they can expect from me. 

If you don't make yourself clear, people tend to take it as a "silent yes" to whatever their desires may be, which you can see from your particular sittuation. You did the right thing to make it clear that you aren't comfortable with it. If you didn't, you may have gotten some form of short lived gratification, however it'd be destructive to the both of you in the long run. 

 

 

[Sloth Fairy]

It's an interesting question.  I've had moments in littlespace that I purposefully did not respond to a message at that moment because I was in littlespace. That being said I didn't really think about,  if I had responded, how that would have affected the other person. I just happen to be cautious and protective of my little side. 

It was a good thing to step back, some people might not have and taken advantage. 

Maybe this could also be a learning experience for the little also to realize they have to be more cautious. 

Edited September 4, 2022 by Sloth Fairy

[Nuvien]

I want to thank everyone for their insights, its been a great learning experience as a CG. I do see I've also gotten some great answers from some littles, so I like to ask on the opposite side of the coin. As a little if this had happened to you what would you have done? Would you consider my actions as rude and would this had turned you off of that person as a potential friend or partner?  

 

[Little kaiya]

As a little, if I was seeking a partner, which I admit I'm not, your actions would have done the exact opposite of turning me off. They would have clearly demonstrated respect for your own boundaries, respect for the concept of mutual consent, demonstrated you're more interested in really getting to know someone vs just jumping into play time and honestly a lot more.

I know there are folks who want to dive in head first, both littles and CG's, but I will say that on the over two decades I've been in this space that approach almost always, there are if course exceptions, leads to hurt feelings on one side, the other or both.

I think you handled it in exactly the right way and your approach can serve as a good example for others just starting to explore DDlg.

[Andriel_Isilien]

6 hours ago, Nuvien said:

I want to thank everyone for their insights, its been a great learning experience as a CG. I do see I've also gotten some great answers from some littles, so I like to ask on the opposite side of the coin. As a little if this had happened to you what would you have done? Would you consider my actions as rude and would this had turned you off of that person as a potential friend or partner?  

 

Well first, I would be embarrassed that I didn't check in with the other person that they were ok if I went little. Consent goes both ways. To appropriately open up to someone is to talk as adults first (clothes on) instead of actually jumping into things. You just can't be too careful these days. Your actions I would not have seen as rude at all. In fact, I would respect you even more because you handled it very well and stepped out of the conversation. That takes a lot. As a little I would then take the time to reflect on myself, what caused me to make this mistake, how can I do better, and so on. I agree that communication and boundaries are vital in any relationship (platonic and romantic).

[Vampiress]

On 9/4/2022 at 8:18 AM, Nuvien said:

I want to thank everyone for their insights, its been a great learning experience as a CG. I do see I've also gotten some great answers from some littles, so I like to ask on the opposite side of the coin. As a little if this had happened to you what would you have done? Would you consider my actions as rude and would this had turned you off of that person as a potential friend or partner?  

 

I would not have considered your actions rude at all. I would have completely understood, because your consent is the most important thing. I'd probably be upset with myself for not thinking to even respect that boundary in the first place.  I would find it a red flag in myself if I did get upset with you about it. Boundaries and consent are just not something to get upset over, no one is entitled to pressure you into anything, and even if it was unintentional then it should be apologized for and then avoided in the future. I'd totally respect your actions. If anything made me change my mind about not wanting to be your partner (hypothetically), it would be my own self-doubts and wondering if I had more to work on before entering into any kind of relationship with a person.