Tributes

[LeftyGuitar]

Hi all,

 

I was recently thinking about this. If a mommy or daddy or dom/mistress ask for a tribute or a gift, even if it is only once, are they fake or is it a red flag? I mean you just started talking with them and they want a tribute to make sure you're the real deal? Something seems off to me on that part. I am curious to see what others think of it.

[Little kaiya]

I wouldn't say it necessarily means they are "fake" as that may be part of how they view things. Some people are also into financial domination or findom. What I will say is it would be a big red flag for me in terms of compatibility. Even after being together for almost 5 years my Daddy still is reluctant when I want to treat Him to stuff or give Him a gift. For me a relationship, BDSM, DDlg or otherwise, isn't about tribute or gifts, it's about connecting as people first and foremost.

What is the red flag to me in what you described isn't so much the request it's more the qualifier that the tribute or gift is to see if you're "the real deal". I'm not sure what that even really means as "real" is very individual. What i will say is it certainly comes across as if the person values gifts and material things over other forms of relationship connection.

[beanbean]

yeah right off the bat it would send some alarm bells off , but thats not how i am wired and i would never ask that ,does not mean there fake but i would be carefull for sure

[LeftyGuitar]

Thank you guys for your input. As I figured something asking for a tribute right off the bat is most likely a red flag. Or it should be seen as one. I also get that findom is a fetish, but I agree that if someone is asking for a tribute to see if you are the real deal, then its a red flag. Others feel free to chime in as well.

[DaddysMonkey]

There’s a lot more information I feel like I could use before I had a really good response.
 

How long is just started talking ? A couple hours , two days , a week , a month ?
 

If you just started talking , and you’re not official … why do they need a tribute ? If you’re not their little yet , you don’t need to do JACK FUCKIN SHIT they say. They aren’t your caregiver yet.
 

What is the tribute ?  What is the gift ? Is it something as simple as a picture with their name scribbled on your chest or something ? Are they asking for money or large gifts , or anything that costs money ? 
 

Yes , findom is a fetish / kink. If you guys aren’t a couple though and you’re just starting to know each other…. yes that’s a red flag. Asking for things from complete strangers is fuckin gross to me. Since you’re not a couple and you’re just starting to talk , that’s not you giving consent to this kind of stuff. If you’re not comfy sending tributes or gifts , don’t do it. If they berate you for it , that’s another huge red flag. You haven’t even met in person yet I assume… but they want you to give them things ? Yuck. No. 
 

My immediate personal reaction would be ; “You aren’t my caregiver or dom yet , get a fuckin job and buy your own god damn shit.” 

Edited September 1, 2022 by DaddysMonkey

[WigglyBun]

49 minutes ago, DaddysMonkey said:

My immediate personal reaction would be ; “You aren’t my caregiver or dom yet , get a fuckin job and buy your own god damn shit.” 

I honestly...wanted to type that (but somewhat nicer) and then found it at the bottom of your response. 🤣

I've never really heard of this before? I've had people ask me to colour or draw them pictures, which I do because I think its fun...but beyond that I'd be like NOPE all over the place to be honest. I guess without really seeing the entirety of the convo I'm a bit confused, but it seems a bit off to me.

[Sloth Fairy]

That's like people trying to call me princess or other names right off, or trying to get me to go to snap chat right away, demanding pictures, expecting  obedience right away. Just no. If the person doesn't want to get to know you first and starts demanding stuff from you then I would assume they don't have good motives and don't know what it actually means to be a caregiver.  

Edited September 1, 2022 by Sloth Fairy

[LeftyGuitar]

Thank you all for the replies. As I figured, someone asking for a tribute, money or gifts right off the bat is obviously a red flag.

[Vampiress]

I feel like a 'tribute' is a really serious thing. If it was even a thing in one of my relationships I would expect it to be up there in importance with collaring and such. Asking for it just to 'prove' you're the real deal doesn't make any sense to me, and seems way too soon to ask for such a thing. What are they going to do to prove they're the real deal to you? They could just take the 'tribute' and run. Instead, I think you should definitely run before it even gets to that point.