For those who are poly or in open marriages/relationships, how did you get there?

[GrampyP]

Religion and society usually dictates having one intimate partner, and differing from the norm often requires need, want, or reason. What is your story?

For me, I could always overcome want and reason, but need wore me down. 

[Little kaiya]

I went to a furry conference, met a wonderful young man I was attracted to emotionally and physically. He asked if I wanted to date. I told Him I was married and needed to talk to my Wife. I did and here we are all together still five years later.

There was no seeking, no desire, need, want or reason. It was a completely organic situation that just turned out to be right for the three of us.

[Married_Lg]

My hubs wanted to be in an open marriage first, primarily just to sleep with other women. He also knew I wanted a dom/daddy, and he’s completely turned off by that idea. So we opened it once I was comfortable enough to, which was only after the birth of our first kid. 
Fast forward, I found Tumblr. I followed someone who was polyamorous and I finally had a word for the feelings inside me. I have always cared for people that have been outside of my relationship in every relationship I’ve ever been in. When I brought this up to my husband (keeping in mind we were already open at the time) it was very hard for him to come to terms with as he is strictly mono. This added another level to our open marriage because now it wasn’t just “we are both having sex with others”, it was “she is looking for a relationship and He is looking for sex”. 
 

I feel like for me, it was a bit late to really live the life I could have because by the time I Knew who I was, I was already married and had a kid. People can be married and polya/in an open relationship, but for me in mine it’s always strained because I didn’t know when I got married Who I am/was. 

At the end of the day, communication is key. And the conversations aren’t always easy, but if you want it bad enough then they’re worth it. 

[Cebakes]

I would be interested in hearing about experiences of people transitioning into poly relationships and the poly lifestyle. Pitfalls? Downsides? Etc….i am strongly considering it and so is my middle. I call her my middle, but in April we separated after three years, probably the only real reason was because of our age gap and it was something we had always talked about doing.  We met in 2019 and it was supposed to be a summer fling.   We now see that we are still very much in love and crave each other, but she does have a BF.  She is 24 and feels that she is going to have difficulty with a monogamous relationship, craves DDLG, non vanilla sex, age gap sex, etc.  I can also see that vanilla relationships are going to be a problem for me now as well. 

[Little kaiya]

When my now boyfriend and Daddy first asked me out my Wife and I had never even considered being in a polyamorous relationship. We sat down and had a serious discussion about what it meant and didn't mean for us. 

My Wife was very clear that it couldn't be about casual sex. It had to be someone I could see myself loving in a deep and committed way. She also set a condition of no sex for the first month. She wanted to be sure there was an actual relationship being built beyond physical activity.

Over the past five years we haven't found any downsides to be honest. It has and does take a LOT of discussion though. No issues can be off the table or it can create stress or resentment or other problems.

A lot will depend on the type of polyamorous relationship too. We are specifically a closed triad with my Wife and I being married, my Boyfriend being my partner and Daddy, and my Wife and Boyfriend having more of an emotional/platonic relationship. My Wife is 2 years older than me and my Boyfriend is 21 years younger but that age gap has never lead us to see our relationship having an end or separation point.

We do vacation together, travel together, celebrate holidays together and support one another though hard times like stressful work and funerals. We don't hide our relationship status and in fact I talk about it very openly and comfortably at work.

Our style of relationship is only one of many polyamorous styles but it has worked really well for us.

Edited August 25, 2022 by Little kaiya