Which Me Is The Real Me?

[babybearxo]

Hello everyone! ☺️

So... I had a rather strange feeling overcome me today evening.

I was talking to two of my friends on a call, and after we hung up... I had a feeling of emptiness wash over me.

I'm a very quiet person. I don't talk when it's unnecessary. But that's just how I see myself. It's MY version of ME.

But whenever I talk to my friends, I start acting hyperactive, and happy,and bubbly and what not. I have a dark presence in my mind during the interaction, too.

A presence which knows I'm acting. That I'm not being myself. 

That I'm hiding behind a fabricated mask, and I'm too afraid to remove it.

My friends think I'm very cheerful, talkative and bubbly. This is THEIR version of ME. In truth, I'm none of those things.

I don't know which ME is the true me.

Is it my version - a quiet, moody girl who likes solitude and books.

Or is it there version - a cheerful and bubbly girl who's afraid of nothing.

I don't know why I act a certain way in front of them. I'm so afraid to take my mask off. To show them my version of ME. I'm afraid they won't like me anymore. 

They probably won't even recognise me. 

In all honesty... I'm scared. Terrified, really. 

I don't know who I am. The feeling of emptiness and helplessness seems to grow with each passing day. I wish I could figure out a way to be unapologetically myself. I wish I could strengthen my connection with myself.

I wonder if anyone else feels this way...

Anyhow, take care! 💓

Lots of hugs,

Bub

 

 

 

[Dad1212]

Aww, sweetie, you're so young and these are the sorts of questions we all ask ourselves as we grow and have to fit into the wider world, learn to adapt, learn to put on a certain presentation-of-self in different situations. So there's nothing wrong with you and most of your 18yr old friends are probably confronting things about themselves as well. @seabreezeboy's comments are well made. Also, good daddy will be able to help you in this journey and I'm sure there are plenty of mature daddies who would be ready to hold your hand, kiss your brow and parent you through these complex times and choppy emotional waters.

 

[LoverEcho]

A someone who is very introverted, I’m going to provide my take on this. When around people I don’t know well, I’m very quiet and I’m sure I look unenthused with what’s around me. For the people I am close to, for the people I feel I can trust, I’m much more talkative and enthused with their presence. I do have times where even being around those I care about is a struggle and at those time I feel more draw to be alone. 
 

If the version of you that you are with your friends feels wrong to you, or feels forced, it may be that it is (wrong and forced). It can be very straining in our society to be more quiet and try to make friends so I can absolutely understand why you’ve felt the need to be this version of yourself.
 

As easy as it would be to say to you “just be yourself,” I know that’s not helpful. What I suggest is for you to sit and think about not who you are, but which way of being is comfortable to you. What comes naturally? What doesn’t leave you feeling drained? This is most likely your true self. That being said, we are not one-dimensional and it’s not unusual to be a varied version of yourself around different people.  
 

It is also okay to not know yet! We tend to grow and evolve as people as we get older, and the way you are now may not be how you are in 10 years. You do not have to commit to one way of being, you just want to be what’s comfortable to you. 
 

In regards to your friends, you don’t have to let the mask slip all at once. If it’s comfortable, view it as giving them a few pieces to a puzzle at a time. Slowly allow them to see you as who you feel comfortable being. I’m sure your friends care about you and would like to truly meet you. 
 

I genuinely wish you well with all this. I know it can be a struggle, but know you’re not alone! 

[Married_Lg]

I often feel like my friends and family don’t know the real me too. I feel this struggle Hard. For me, it isn’t introverted vs. extroverted. For me it’s my softer side. My family and friends think I am all hard edges and cold hearted. It’s sad really that I can’t trust them enough to show the parts of me that are vulnerable. I’ve been hurt too much by people. 
I think the most important thing is that you are good with who you are. Do you feel like you are a good person at the end of the day? Do you feel like you acted the way that the situation called for AND preserved your sanity?

It’s okay to have a mask imo. It’s sad cause you shouldn’t Have to wear one, but I’m all about self preservation. You do you!