Being Sexualised As A Joke

[babybearxo]

Hello everyone! It's Bub! ☺️

I'd like to preface this by letting you know that this doesn't involve a stranger man/woman/nb or any outside influence, it's my own family.

⚠️Trigger warning ⚠️ This post does involve sexualisation, so if you're uncomfortable, please feel free to skip!! Take care of yourself 💓

So, on with the incident.

A few minutes ago I was talking to my mom, and she said something that really distressed me.

For context, I wear a nightgown when I sleep. It's comfortable and not restricting.

Apparently, my sister said something quite inappropriate about it.

Something along the lines of - 

"Why does she wear that nightgown to sleep? She must be talking to boys, she's a big pervert". 

It was allegedly "just a joke". When I confronted them about it, they (mom and sister) gave me a weak apology and laughed about it. 

My discomfort and refusal was just a laughing stock to them .

I understand that she was joking. But I feel uncomfortable being sexualised this way. And I hate that she says "it's a joke".

Well, if I'm being honest, I don't find such things funny at all. It's vulgar and rather uncomfortable.

And the way they laughed about it made me feel awful...like my discomfort means nothing in the end.

Am I overreacting? 

Personally, I don't think I am. I was sexualised and called a pervert for wearing a nightgown to sleep. It's not a joke anymore. Not everything a girl does has to be for boys.

My sister has this obnoxious habit...she goes around "joking" about me. Calling me a pervert in front of my mom, telling my dad he should take my phone away because I'm not reading enough.

My anxiety levels have already been high for the past few weeks. Perhaps I was a little too sensitive about it...

I would really love some input on this, as I feel conflicting emotions within my mind at the moment.

And if possible, I'd also love advice on how to respond if she makes the same "joke" again. 

Thank you for reading!

Sending you lots of hugs,

Bub 😚💓

 

 

[LoverEcho]

You are not overreacting at all. Anything that is said at someone else's expense is not a joke. It does not matter how it was meant, a joke is supposed to be funny and if you have to tear someone down to make that “joke,” it’s not a joke. I’m sorry that your sister does these things to you and that those around you laugh along with her. Unfortunately, no amount of telling her it bothers you is likely to change her actions. Take solace in the fact that you know who you are and who you aren’t. Her comments are hurtful of course, but they do not change who you are.

I’m not sure how you typically respond to her comments in the moment, but I would try the no reaction method. It’s possible your sister is making these comments for the purpose of making you uncomfortable. This could be because of her own insecurities or jealously, but neither of these reasons excuse her behavior. If she makes a comment, act as if she said nothing. If you do not give her a reaction, she has nothing to feed off of so to speak. If she learns that she cannot gain anything from making the comment, she may stop doing it. 
 

Again, I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. I hope that your sister, and other family, learn that making these comments and finding them funny is not okay. 

Edited August 8, 2022 by LoverEcho

[moondust mochi]

It's never an overreaction to voice your feelings, and be surprised/hurt when those feelings are dismissed. Your feelings are valid, and they matter. If something that was meant as a joke doesn't land as one, then it wasn't a very funny joke. 

[babybearxo]

@LoverEcho @SeaBreezeBoy  @moondust mochi  This was so wonderful to read! Thank you so much, guys

 

[Guest Daddylyfe]

when nothing else works, you could always try ignoring it. It's not optimal but it's true when people make petty jokes and they don't get a reaction they will stop. they get that hit of dopamine when they get what they are seeking. 

op someone suggested this. I agree with them. 

[Cebakes]

Generally when people exhibit the sort of behavior and make comments like this, it’s to help them cover up or make them feel better about their own sexualization issues.

[Vampiress]

You're gaslighting yourself by saying maybe you're overreacting too much. I don't know what her intention was, maybe it was "harmless" fun in her eyes, or maybe there's more to it. Either way, it hurt your feelings and that's not okay. I'm sure we've all made a joke in poor taste at someone's expense at some point in our lives. If a person means well they'll try to fix it and not repeat the mistake. The fact that she doesn't seem to care how you feel and continues to do it makes me feel it's not just harmless fun. If she won't listen to you maybe she'll listen to your mom. I'd try talking to your mom and say you need to have a heart to heart talk about what is going on and that it's really hurting your feelings. Bring up the dictionary definition of a pervert (I can't even post some of it here because some of the words are banned). Some of the synonyms are deviant and degenerate. Tell her that whether it's a joke or not that the implication is baseless and makes you feel very uncomfortable and hurt that your own family would say something like that about you and then laugh about it when you try to express that the joke isn't okay. To me it sounds like your sister has some kind of issue and is projecting it all on you and keeps making you the focus of negativity. If your mom and sister don't care after you try or if they get defensive then I am not sure what else you can do. All I can say is that you know who you are, and at the end of the day no matter what they say it isn't about you but more of a personal issue that is being projected on you for some reason.

[PocketSand]

Well if it was me I would find something about them and joke about it. Or I might even go one step further and just say I wear a gown to cover myself. I go nude when I sleep!

Obviously it's a joke. But that's what I would do kinda roll with the punches. 

Like I wear glasses. And sometimes I would say I could see everything I do have 4 eyes after all. Idk for me I like to joke about stuff or think about comebacks I can use on someone. 

I watch too much stand up comedy lol. 

[SmolAetherr]

3 hours ago, PocketSand said:

Well if it was me I would find something about them and joke about it. Or I might even go one step further and just say I wear a gown to cover myself. I go nude when I sleep!

Obviously it's a joke. But that's what I would do kinda roll with the punches. 

Like I wear glasses. And sometimes I would say I could see everything I do have 4 eyes after all. Idk for me I like to joke about stuff or think about comebacks I can use on someone. 

I watch too much stand up comedy lol. 

that is usually the best way to diffuse a situation, if its good enough fo you.. its good enough for them

[Andriel_Isilien]

On 8/8/2022 at 12:43 PM, bub said:

love advice on how to respond if she makes the same "joke" again. 

Your sister really angers me 😠 I would turn the awkwardness back onto her saying, "How is that a joke?" with a straight face, "I don't get it. Explain why that would be funny." Or when given the lame excuse, "Come on, it's just a joke" blatantly state, "Well I'm not laughing. So quit it." 😤 "Don't want me to call out how terrible your jokes are? Then get a better hobby." Your sister needs to mind her own business instead of telling your parents to take your phone away. If your sister thinks, "it's not a big deal" then tell her that keeping such vulgar remarks to herself shouldn't be 'that big of a deal' for her to manage.

 

You are NOT overreacting especially when a joke is being made at your expense. 😡 I hate it when people do this because it is cruel and shows a lack of wit. Are your sister and other family members aware of how vulgar jabs like this makes you feel about yourself? Because you deserve to feel safe with your feelings and to be heard. They did apologize but then keep doing it. That is not OK. There are much better ways to be funny without stooping to crass remarks like sexualizing what you are wearing IN YOUR OWN HOME. When this keeps happening it is bullying and harassment because you asked her to stop.

Edited September 18, 2022 by andrielisilien
grammar

[Skye_Severheart]

My dear, Us furries/babyfurs go though the same just about. I was suiting at a public meeting with a baby animal bandana, and I had a couple walking in the parks' walking trail claim i had sexual interactions with animals and children, and kept stating me as "Him", just because my fursuit was of my male character, when I obviously have a feminine voice... And my mother hates everything about my littlespace as well..

[LilDemonBaby]

ive never been sexualized as a joke, but boy, it must have been terrible! nightgowns are nightgowns. they are ment to be comfy and fun, not used for a twisted and mean jokes. that being said, i hope youre ok now. 

[Onesie]

If I were you, I would say....

"How do you go from nightgown to pervert? What a filthy mind;"

"Aren't you a little old to be a tattletale?"

"Maybe if you got a life, you wouldn't care what I slept in or who I talked to. Let me fix you up. I'm sure I can find someone desperate enough."

[Nymph]

On 8/8/2022 at 12:43 PM, bub said:

And if possible, I'd also love advice on how to respond if she makes the same "joke" again. 

The best response is to ignore them (both your sister and mother) they getting a kick out of your reaction. The reason they "joke" about you or whoever else it's not your problem, it's theirs.

For example they might think you look cute hence you MUST be doing video or taking pictures for boys... because they are lazy sluts who will only make themselves look decent for male attention. Ok, maybe that was a bit harsh, maybe they wished they looked as nice as you, so it's envy... but see where I am going with this? all the reasons in the world go back to the same, something negative about themselves.

As long as you are not being inappropriate outside your private area (your bedroom I would guess) then it doesn't matter. As you get older you will realize how hard it is to share your space with other people, college is a great opportunity to move out, otherwise save up and look forward to your own place someday where you could relax naked without a care in the world if you wanted to.

[WigglyBun]

You have communicated that it bothers you, they are being rude & disrespectful by continuing on after that point, in my opinion. I firmly believe that communication & boundaries can go a long ways when it comes to any kind of relationship, and it might be time to consider setting some boundaries with your family members. It's not an easy thing to do by any means, but sometimes it is necessary to help protect ourselves. We only have one life to live, if others in our life are being horrible knowingly, they don't deserve to be taking up our valuable time & space. I know it's not always that simple, it's just my opinion.

You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.

Keep sticking up for yourself, it might feel harsh or mean at first, most of us aren't used to it honestly. But it is worth it in the long run.