My Daddy wants to be Poly

[Winter Lillee]

So I'm a little (5yo) and I have been with my partner for 9years. We have been in a funk the last few years, and I've felt less and less like he understood me. 
I've told my Daddy in the past that I had capacity to be in a polyamorous type of relationship, and he always responded with "That's okay but  we are monogamous." 
We have struggled to meet each others needs at times, and are not compatible perfectly with our libidos. 
I have a very particular need in the bedroom, and while he does this for me very well - I need more of it to feel content. 
So after couples therapy and lots of talking, I put the idea out there that maybe another person would be able to alleviate some of the gaps. 
I'd made this kind of comment before, but this year was different. My Daddy had surgery and it scared him and I think it made him look at a lot of things differently in his life. 
So this last week - he decided to learn more about DDLG and who I am and what my needs are (which is amazing) 
He went on fetlife and started talking to like minded people and then ... he made a connection and developed some feelings. 
This was unexpected for him, because he still loved me deeply, but for the first time he understood what I meant when I said I could harbour feelings for more than one person at a time. 

Anyway - long story short **read here if you don't want to read the whole post** I'm just entering a new phase of my DDlg relationship, where we are exploring polyamory. Daddy is talking to someone (not another little), and this person is a switch who states they are interested in dating us each... individually. This is very new to our relationship, and I don't know what may happen. I'd love to hear what thoughts people have on this - having multiple caregivers, having a daddy who is master to other partners, entering the world of polyamory as a little... advice, links, ideas - I'm hoping for some guidance and support ❤️ 

[moondust mochi]

Hi! Polyamorous veteran here! Not to toot my own horn, but I actually discuss this sort of situation a lot in the polyamory college panels I run! This is a pretty common way for a couple to start exploring polyamory, and there's a couple of things to consider here. 

I want to caution you about dating as a couple. This can get messy pretty quickly, and the fact of the matter is, it's unfair to expect a potential new partner to be into you and your partner equally or even at all. It's super, super common for couples go into polyamory thinking they're going to share a partner, but that partner ends up becoming more attracted or interested in one or another person. This is also super, super normal! I understand that you're stating that this new partner is the one who volunteered that they'd like to date each of you individually, which would be great -- but those relationships need to develop in just that way; organically and individually. 

The biggest lesson I can emphasize for you is that communication is key! Communicate, communicate, communicate! Don't be afraid to get to know your Daddy's new partner alongside him, if everyone is cool with that. The more open honesty, the better. And remember that there is /nothing/, not a single rule that says that you need to also date the same person as your partner. If it doesn't work out between you two, or your Daddy and his other partner seem to be moving faster, remember that it's not a competition, it's not a race and it's not a collectathon! As long as you are open to letting those connections develop for both of you organically, being intentional and aware of what feelings that might bring up and being emotionally-mature enough to discuss them together, you can't go wrong! Be prepared for there to be a jealousy factor -- anyone who tells you they've never experienced jealousy in polyamory is lying. Jealousy is a normal, common human emotion and it's usually an indicator that one or more of our needs isn't being met. Instead of viewing it as a red flag that you and your partner are struggling, I often tell those who come to panels to challenge themselves to look at those feelings of envy and insecurity as little reminders that you're an emotional person! Sometimes, you're going to have sticky emotions to work through. The important thing is being willing and emotionally-able to sit down and pick through them with the people you love. There's going to be a lot of hard conversations, and there's lots of ways to approach those conversations! As long as you have them. ❤️ 

Here are some great resources on polyamory that I always link at the end of my lectures: 
https://www.morethantwo.com/ <-- Check out the book by the same name on Amazon! 
https://www.polyinfo.org/
The Ethical Slut is also an amazing book that I recommend to everyone! 

Feel free to send me a DM sometime too if you'd like to chat one on one! (I was hoping we could be friends anyway since our kinks align.)
Happy Compersion feels to you both! 

[ZenDaddy]

ALL Excellent advice, Moondust Mochi.. perfectly said.  I agree that dating the same individual could certainly create a whole chaotic mess for everyone.. and not suggesting it couldn't work, but the circumstance really does open up the possibility for chaos.  Relationships whether vanilla or otherwise, all can have their ebb and flows, and I'm certainly no stranger to conflicting libidos.. an area I am very specific about when vetting a new partner of any kind, Sub or Little.  

It sounds like the two of you, however really have a grasp on communication that goes beyond most I know, so my tip of the hat to the both of you!  Best of luck with your new path and journey.. I'm sure your story will be helpful to others here.  And again, keep up the great work Moondust!  🌹

[Winter Lillee]

I’m popping back here to say 

I’m currently in a relationship with my original partner, and we are both dating the person mentioned above (I now call them Dommy). Since August  

I am also dating Dommy’s partner  

They have a baby and I am bonding with her as well! 

Things have worked out so well, I’m so happy and in love. And while there were and are challenges and lots of learning for us all - it has been worth is every second. 

[Guest Ion1234]

I did it for two years. Was stressful and a headache

[DaddysMonkey]

I’m so glad this is working out great for you ! 
 

Im sure there are many challenges ahead but also many happy times coming your way , I was extremely nervous bringing another person into my home and dynamic but I wouldn’t change a thing. 
 

Poots on newts to the naysayers , SO HAPPY for you and hopefully you’ll update us again. 

[Little kaiya]

My Wife and I have been married for 17 years this Spring and my Daddy and I celebrated our 5th anniversary this Fall. My Wife and Daddy aren't dating but they still have a very close emotionally intimate relationship. Polyamory certainly isn't foe everyone but when it does work it is an incredibly powerful and loving dynamic. Always nice to hear from our folks who celebrate and enjoy successful poly relationships.

[Skye_Severheart]

i wish i could help!!!!

[PocketDove]

I am Poly/ENM and have dated outside of my current relationship. The best thing is to communicate as much as possible and remember that dating is dating whether you're poly or mono. By this I mean that even if I was single I could still end up connecting with someone who wasn't a good match for me and I have had to be honest with myself about that. 

The biggest advice I could offer is communicate and establish clear boundaries. As a pleaser and praise-oriented person, a no can be harder to say than a yes, but it is ultimately more rewarding for all parties.

EDIT: Just wanted to wish you a congratulations on things going well thus far. Sounds lovely c: !

Edited December 19, 2022 by PocketDove
Missed OP's update