does being a little automatically make you a sub?

[babybearxo]

hi, everyone!☺️

So...I've been thinking about this for a long time. And now that I have this forum, I can share my thoughts

I would like to preface this by saying that I'm not at all well-versed in the DDlg, Dom/Sub dynamics. I'm very new to this concept, and still trying to understand the foundation.

With that said, I can begin my rant hehe

I identify as a little, and a little only. For me personally, a little and sub are very different things. This is because with littles, there is usually the term "caregiver" involved. I don't think it's quite the same with dom/sub. 

For example, I hate it when a daddy orders me around. "Do this now, do that soon". It's a giant turn-off for me. At such moments, the supposed "daddy" becomes a Dom for me, and the whole dynamic changes in an instant.

A daddy is more like a nurturer in my perspective. Someone who is mature enough to understand the little's needs, doesn't order them around, doesn't jump to conclusions and gives punishments unnecessarily.

Of course, I'm aware that there are many littles who like being told what to do, and to some extent, I enjoy that too. But it gets overwhelming for me very soon. 

I don't like being constantly told what to do.

Rather, I'd prefer the daddy to offer some advice on the topic and some help with motivation. And leave it be.

Of course , I could be completely wrong about this whole thing...but this is just how I feel.

I'd love some opinions on this topic, as I'm so curious to know if others think similarly! 

Thank you for being patient with my rant,

Lots of love,

Bub ❤️ 

 

 

[MøMø]

I think you're on to something here. For a while as a DD I've realized I'm more on the caregiver aspect sides of things not necessarily the bossy daddy kind. I'm sure there's more people out there that feel the same way but I think it's become the norm and expected upon our titles to fulfill that role. When, at least for me, I'm just not the bossy type but I love and crave the support aspect sides of things. I mean let's be real, when someone bosses me around I get frustrated xD so I can't see myself bosses others around.

[babybearxo]

I totally agree with you☺️

[baby_k]

Little doesn't mean a sub. You can even have dom-littles if we look at that spectrum.

Personally I hate bossing around ( unless I'm the one doing it 😆). It just makes me immediately go to "f*ck you" mode where as more guiding or mentorind approach works better, or negotiating. Even if I'm little, I'm still fully capable of taking care of myself and I'm not stupid, so bossing around or telling me trivial things just annoys me.

Then again, I also see forceful domination mainly pathetic and weak, so one could argue that I want to be dominated, just not in primitive way but in more sophisticated and clever ways.

Soo, it's annoying if people think "little" or "daddy" is some super specific role as it's not. What sort of daddy or little someone is depens a lot from the person and even their mood.

[MasterPhotog]

Bub, 
While the short answer to your question is no, a little does NOT have to be submissive, however a submissive can also be little. 
Most, if not all Daddies, in addition to being caring and loving, are motivating and encouraging are not bossy. As in all relationships, an open and effective communication is the key to happy and healthy DDlg relationships. Hope it helps!

[babybearxo]

Thank you so much for the information, it's extremely helpful ☺️

[beanbean]

yeah thats not what it means. you can be a little without being a sub .life is not one sized fits all nor is ddlg. find what makes you happy thats the bottom line

[Andriel_Isilien]

There is so much more to what being a sub or little is and you explained one aspect really well. It makes a lot of sense to me. Everyone has their own preferences like being a brat, service oriented, degraded, praised, and so on. There can be some similarities and differences are most certainly allowed. 😊 Yes, you can be a little and not be a sub. Why? because you can choose to be a little how you want. I think it's great to know this about yourself and able to advocate. I'm sure there are daddy's who feel the same way about ordering littles around. Some like it and some don't. Both are valid.

[moondust mochi]

Nope! There are lots of littles that aren't subs, and I think that being little and being submissive are two very different things! We've got a few Dominant littles here on the Forum, including @Satan whom I've love to hear weigh in on this.

[babybearxo]

@andrielisilien  @moondust mochi Thank you guys so much ! 💞 This was really helpful ! 

 

[daddymind]

There is no automatically anything. I'm a service sub at heart but also a caregiver/daddy. My babs loves getting her way and being a spoiled princess. She does not like being bossed around or disciplined (I'd say she is generally anti-authoritarian). She'll often say "good doggy" when I meet her demands. None of this is submissive. But she does still need nurturing, motivating and guiding. It wasn't long into our relationship and dynamic that I began giving her more control, because I realised her rebellion and brattiness was a genuine desire to get her way, not as a ploy to receive discipline (or "funishment") as with many submissive littles. I was happy to give her control and power because it's something she's never had in her life, yet something she clearly craved. The fact she has a little side does not change that desire, it just changes the nature and attitude with which it is expressed.

[babybearxo]

Thank you for such a good example!! 🥰  Your relationship sounds adorable, hehe

[LittlePupRune]

Little absolutely does not equate to submissive! I think part of the reason there’s confusion that it does is because of the term DDlg, which has “Daddy Dom” as part of the equation and implies a D/s dynamic. It’s why I’m a bigger fan of CG/l as a term. 

 

There are a lot of axis of identity in kink, and while often times they overlap they don’t need to. There’s the axis of Dom-sub, Top/bottom, Sadist/masochist, and lots of other identities that don’t fall on an axis, like pet, little, etc. None of the terms automatically equal another. 

[DaddysMonkey]

5 hours ago, LittlePupRune said:

Little absolutely does not equate to submissive! I think part of the reason there’s confusion that it does is because of the term DDlg, which has “Daddy Dom” as part of the equation and implies a D/s dynamic. It’s why I’m a bigger fan of CG/l as a term. 

 

There are a lot of axis of identity in kink, and while often times they overlap they don’t need to. There’s the axis of Dom-sub, Top/bottom, Sadist/masochist, and lots of other identities that don’t fall on an axis, like pet, little, etc. None of the terms automatically equal another. 

THIS. 
 

I agree with the effort to use CG/l , I very rarely use Dd/lg unless I am talking about specifically a Daddy dom and little girl dynamic. Not only because of this overlap but because I personally feel that Ddlg as a term is widely exclusive and leaves people feeling left out. 
 

Because BDSM and all that falls under that umbrella is so fluid , unless otherwise stated I don’t believe anyone is “only this one thing”. Like many people above have said already , there is a lot of overlap and no two people are going to experience being a Caregiver or little the same. 
 

Something I think gets skated over in this branch off of BDSM is that being a sub and being submissive are NOT synonymous. I am a middle , I am submissive , I am not a sub. 
 

You can be anyone and have any title in this lifestyle and do things that are submissive or a service to your partner and not be their sub. It just depends on how you feel and what you want to be called and the actions that follow it. The words used in this lifestyle are also fluid , and while there is a baseline for what a “sub” is , it means many different things to different people. There are people who believe that being little and a sub are one in the same because it is the “smaller letter” of the acronym. 
 

Personally , I consider myself a middle with sub tendencies. I’m too much of an asshole to be a dedicated sub these days , I’ve been strictly a sub/slave in the past and it just doesn’t mesh with who I am. Do I still do things that people would call me a sub for ? Sure. Does it matter ? Not really , unless someone is fucking me feeding me or financing me I shouldn’t really care what they label me as. A lot of people would see my actions and personality on this forum and probably assume I’m some dominant beastly creature , but for the right person I will submit. (Not Sub). 
 

Same goes for caregivers , I think it depends on perception really or what people consider themselves because it really is just perception too. 
You could be interacting with a potential caregiver and they say they are strictly a Daddy/Mommy , but you notice they are very strict , make commands such as the example you gave , “do this now” , and ~you~ feel like they are more a Dom than a caregiver , but they deny any feeling of being a Dom. People are just gunna call themselves what they are comfortable with and identify as.
 

I appreciate your wanting to understand the separation between the two because they are often in the same pool , just remember to not get too hung up on labels and what to call yourself. At the end of the day you’re a beautiful human figuring themselves out. The right words and labels will fall into your lap when they feel right 💕

[ZenDaddy]

On 8/3/2022 at 5:29 AM, bub said:

Of course , I could be completely wrong about this whole thing...but this is just how I feel.

 

And THERE is the most important point of your 'rant' (lol), THIS is how YOU feel!  Bottom line, this is your boundary and preference, and that's all that matters!  If a Daddy wants to be a Dom or is a Dom, that's a non fit for you, in my opinion.  In much the same way, I think it's totally possible for a Daddy to be much more of a caregiver and not dominant at all.  But again, the key is following what's right and feels right and safe for you. 

And as above with DaddysMonkey's comment, don't get too hung up on labels... but the importance of communication definitely rises to the surface with any new Daddy you might take on or partner with.  Your feelings are a very good thing for you to be aware of. 

[babybearxo]

@ZenDaddy Thank you so much!! 😊

[aznD22]

My take on this topic is that a little is normally submissive. Of course there are dominant Littles as ones. Those who are bratty and always get what they want from their daddy. Ddlg is different for every couple so you don't need to label yourself as a submissive. However, you could still have a submissive side while in little space. You just need to discuss everything with your daddy first. For example instead of your daddy saying "go do your hw now!". He can instead say "go do your hw or no sweets for you.". Would that also be a turn off for you? 

 

[Nymph]

I am a bit of a switch in that regard, I am usually a good girl but depending on the guy I am talking to my submissive or dominant side will come out, even when I am dominant I am still very much a good girl, well behaved and tame for the most part. I suppose some might call that topping from the bottom XD

My bratty side comes out rarely but when it does it will most likely be playful, regardless if I am feeling sub or dom.