Subdrop

[MellyCat]

Can we talk about Subdrop? I think this is something we all experience from time to time. So I have found my entire adult life I have had a weird adverse reaction following any form of sexual activity. It wasn't until i did some research that I realized its not as weird as I thought. Perfectly normal when endorphins are depleted to be hit with such a physical and mental exhaustion. So today, after a fairly intense play session, I experienced quite a strong hit of subdrop. So what are some of your aftercare techniques. Obviously water and a good night sleep but what other things help? I have recently started a journal. So I wrote some of my emotions down there. I have some water, my favorite stuffies... 

 

Thoughts?

[Guest Daddylyfe]

I mean, I usually shhh, and say nice loving things and give reassurance. Pretty standard stuff for aftercare I guess. tell them it's fine, that everything is ok and everything will be fine. Tell her I love her if we got to that point. 

Depending on the little sometimes they just want to hug their stuffie with their paci. and we both just be silent. 

[baby_k]

Hugging/holding mainly, some head patting and stroking.

Then typically warm blanket as I get cold super fast. Sometimes hot shower helps too: been washed or at least dried by my partner is nice and intimate.

Drinking a bit, food if needed ( like a sandwhich that my partner makes as then I get both fuel and sign that they take care of me ).

If really intense drop, I prefer that I'm just silently been held tight untill the worst part goes away. It feels comforting and there is no random fuss around me with "what's wrong" which would be hellish XD

[Guest]

Normally my daddy will snuggle me, like really tight snuggles til i can be vocal again and we like to go over it all to make sure no owies  or worries (Ie nothing triggered my anxiety or making my daddy worried he went to far). if there are owies he will make sure to go over each one to make sure to give the right care. but alot of affirmations of love/care/praise. Then he normally will get me candies or stuffies to snuggle and we watch something or play video games so its not high level of focus or activity. 

if its really intense he may do a compression snuggle.. or at least thats what we call it. which is where he will lay on top of me with me on my tummy and kinda helps ground me before the rest of the routine. 

[MellyCat]

Those are some great ideas thanks! Sometimes subdrop can take awhile to hit. Any tips for if you find yourself needing to self sooth? Stuffies and such are a really great idea. Maybe an audiobook or something would work. Could listen to a story or watch something on Disney+ 

[BrassyBabyGirl]

Listening to music (like instrumental stuff from movies I like) are important to me for after care.

[moondust mochi]

So, I'm a little of a weirdo in this regard, but for me -- subdrop happens after every session, and it isn't necessarily a bad thing. Usually, it just means that a scene was intense and I need to decompress a little. I'm not big on touch for aftercare because usually, I'm really overstimulated from the session, so I need calm, soothing dialogue and some space. I definitely suggest water and a snack, and I'd also recommend journaling! Some of my best pieces have come out of intense subdrop, and that dazed space that comes with it. 

[MellyCat]

On 7/31/2022 at 1:56 PM, moondust mochi said:

So, I'm a little of a weirdo in this regard, but for me -- subdrop happens after every session, and it isn't necessarily a bad thing. Usually, it just means that a scene was intense and I need to decompress a little. I'm not big on touch for aftercare because usually, I'm really overstimulated from the session, so I need calm, soothing dialogue and some space. I definitely suggest water and a snack, and I'd also recommend journaling! Some of my best pieces have come out of intense subdrop, and that dazed space that comes with it. 

This is me. I feel an intense depression after almost every session.

[DaddysMonkey]

Hey @MellyCat , hope you’re doing well. 
 

-Trigger Warning- 

So I have found my entire adult life I have had a weird adverse reaction following any form of sexual activity.

Now this I can unfortunately relate to. Even if I have fully enjoyed the experience , I find myself getting extremely self depreciating and depressed after any form of sexual activity. It doesn’t even have to be an intense play scene , something as simple as giving a “normal” vanilla blowjob (no matter how fun for me it was) will fuck up my self worth and esteem and send me into a spiral. It’s my own issues that do this , and I accept that. Being taken advantage of and sexualized when I was unable to comprehend or fight back has had life long effects on my sexual self esteem. Even after my most enjoyable experiences , I get extremely disconnected from reality and it has really affected the very few partners I’ve had in a negative way. 
I’ll get a little more personal here , and say that I’ve only truly orgasmed a handful of times in my life. This is not to due to inexperience , but a mixture of above stated issues along with other problems I don’t need to delve into here. My point in bringing this up is how a sub drop can also look to a caregiver if communication isn’t provided. *I understand it may be difficult to communicate in a sub drop but I believe everyone should try their best to communicate the specific feelings if anyone else experiences this.* Because of my inability to orgasm , and having sub drop issues after sex… this can leave a partner to perceive my actions as disgust towards them or disappointment at their lack of ability to make me orgasm. This type of stuff can really hurt a partners ego , and make them feel like they are inadequate. It’s important for me to be able to pull myself out of that drop at least enough to explain , “You did not do anything to make me feel these way , I am dealing with mental illness issues and need a second.” I may not use those exact words , but you get the point. 

I'm not big on touch for aftercare because usually, I'm really overstimulated from the session, so I need calm, soothing dialogue and some space.

THIS ! Some people like to be swaddled up and babied to help ease sub drop , but too much touching can be upsetting for me. A good chunk of my sub drop is due to self esteem and self degrading , so being touched while I am in a heavy drop can make me sink into my thoughts even more. I already feel like a fat pig , being touched is only going to heighten that terrible feeling. 
Personally , if there -is- touch , I prefer it to be very light and mostly hand holding or very light back rubbing. Not a massage , just light scratches and rubbing. 
For being in a heavy drop , I also appreciate mental space. There is a big difference between mental space and physical space. While I may not want to be cuddled and touched too much , I do want the presence of my trusted person with me. I just need silence to work through my thoughts , and if I feel comfortable enough to ask for what I need I will. I’m a fairly independent person , to a fault at times. So just a question here or there while being with me is plenty , a gentle “you doing okay kid?” or “would you like water or a stuffy?” suffices for me. 

So what are some of your aftercare techniques. Obviously water and a good night sleep but what other things help? 

Decompressing. Literally just sitting with some light background noise (like calm music or a kids show) so I can work through some of my thoughts. A hot bath with Epsom salts or a bath bomb of some sort with some classical music lightly playing , very low lights or lights only from candles. Meditate. I typically don’t like drinks with calories in them , but if I’m dropping after an intense beating or mind fucking I typically will lean towards ice cold apple juice. Liquid sugars straight to your brain is good for raising some quick energy and joy. I also like to stay off of social media for at least a few hours to a full day when I’m experiencing a drop. Having something numb my brain like scrolling through YouTube shorts or getting my brain going on a deeper topic here on the forum can distract me from deep thoughts I genuinely need to work through during a drop and this kind of stuff muddies up my brain and prolongs the drop. I try to keep all activities light , carefree , and very calm until the drop subsides. 
 

I really appreciate this topic , thank you for sharing your experience and asking these questions. 

Edited August 11, 2022 by DaddysMonkey