Conflicted

[Ukdaddy1980]

Ok so a while back I happened to be in contact with a baby girl who seemed perfect (if that's even a thing) and we got talking. We shared the same kinks interests and both desired a 24/7 lifestyle. Things moved quickly and ended quickly too. It made me understand a little more about myself because I had always felt somehow incomplete before we got talking, somehow more whole when we were and since we parted ways I'm back to feeling incomplete. I really want that feeling again but I'm worried that it would be a case of finding a little or baby girl to be with just to fill the hole and that I would be doing the wrong thing by bonding with her incase it was solely for that reason and I might somehow let her down. Am I right or wrong for having these concerns?

[DaddysMonkey]

….. Hi. *waves* 

 

So I guess to start off , nobody is perfect and she wasn’t either. I do think someone can be “perfect FOR you” (which basically just means intense compatibility to me) but they will still have their flaws just like any other human being. 
 

*Little proud monkey golf claps* Self reflection like this is extremely important and hard for a lot of people to do. The fact that you can even recognize the feeling or thought you might just be filling a void by having a partner is very introspective. It sounds like you might have co dependent tendencies , (I’m not a doctor take everything I say with a grain of salt). Is that a bad thing ? It can be I guess if you don’t know how to properly recognize and manage those feelings. Outside of relationships I’m extremely independent , inside relationships I crumble and am very codependent. I go to therapy and shit , so I know the signs to look for and how to take action against unhealthy behaviors. Not that this is you or anything , your post was fairly vague so I’m just rambling at this point hoping something hits home. 
 

You are neither right or wrong for having these concerns , rather just a thoughtful human being. I personally think it’s great you reflected in your past relationship , not many people do that and see what might’ve been wrong on both ends or healthy ways to move on / see habits that might be forming when in relationships. 
 

If you’re feeling this way , I would suggest taking things really slow with anyone you are trying to court. It’s possible you are getting frenzied over having someone to love , a relationship, this lifestyle (or whatever else). If you exercise self control and take things very slow you will be able to tell better over time of it’s a compatible match with chemistry or just something you’re excited about / attracted to. 
 

Hope my bullshit rambling helps ! 

Edited July 22, 2022 by DaddysMonkey

[Little Becca]

Oh, I am so sorry that this happened to you!!! But in some ways, it is good because you realized what you’re looking for in a relationship, and you learned about being a Daddy some more and also about yourself some more. 

Yes, I am sure you feel as though you could be just “filling a void” with other littles. You don’t wanna just get into a rebound relationship.  But, it makes sense that you wanna fill that void bc you know what you’re seeking in a DDlg relationship. It is natural that you would want that sense of emptiness to be corrected. It does not mean that you will be using the next person you’re with. You need to look further, if you’re ready for that. You simply have a better idea now of what you’re seeking.

I think that relationships across the board are the same, no matter the “kinkiness” level. It’s hard for purely vanilla people to find their match, too. (Although I admit it’s harder for us in many ways.) Sometimes the passion of a union will ignite quickly, and then somehow fizzle out just as quickly, when you are least expecting it. It has happened to me before, and I would venture to say that it’s happened to not only everyone here as well, but also most people in the world. 

For me, I have just learned to see these things as opportunities for self-discovery and growth, although it can be difficult to put your heart out there. My heart has been broken several times, and I am sure anyone else could likely say the same. But I have been so motivated to find my forever Daddy that I just kept trying. 

I think you’re likely feeling incomplete now not necessarily because of her, but because the deep need in you to be a true Daddy to your little girl was being nourished, and it isn’t anymore. That doesn’t mean she was right for you; it just reinforces more the kind of relationship that is right for you. 

My advice to you would be to not question it. Just take it as it is - that you’re meant to be a special all the time Daddy to a special little girl. And I fully believe that everyone has a special person out there who is meant for them. It’s just that she wasn’t that little girl for you; but that’s ok. It just means you should do some reflection on the things about that relationship that were so fulfilling to you, which you know you’ll need some form of in other relationships. 

I hope you are ok!!!! And also I hope you don’t lose hope!!!! Your special one is out there, I know it 100%!!!!!  😊😊😊😊😊

Edited July 21, 2022 by LittleLavenderGirl

[Andriel_Isilien]

I applaud the previous replies 🙌 wish that could be a reaction to use because I agree fully with what has been said.

 

Concerns or emotions are not what defines you being right or wrong. They are feedback not facts. That is something my therapist has been drilling into me the past two years and I still keep that my focus. Usually, people who ask the question, "am I bad person?" are not bad people because they are willing to check themselves and look for possibilities on how they could be better. So, don't stress over whether or not your concerns are bad.

 

I too had a recent breakup that happened very fast to me. As a little it left me feeling abandoned and I wanted that void filled right away. I tried joining this forum and others back in January but I didn't get far because I could tell this wasn't the answer. I felt horrible, triggered, I couldn't handle it here, and had to clock out for several months until I was ready. Just having a profile written up and talking in the discussions was a HUGE step for me. I first had to work on myself and give my feelings time to be expressed safely before moving on. I still want to be careful to not rush anything and I tell people that when private messaged. I am looking for friends to start with.

 

We don't know the details of your past relationship, but you sound like a good person that is thoughtful of others. Take things slowly, as was suggested already here. Be transparent when talking to those you are interested in. I don't want to slip into rebounds either because not only would that hinder my own healing process it would be most unfair to the other party engaging with me. My case is not on the same level as yours but hopefully there is some similar advice here?  Discovering yourself is awesome and that should be encouraged!! Keep learning about yourself and what you want out of life. Yes, there is hurt right now and there can also be some excitement for possibilities that are yet to come. Take things one day at a time. You will get through this. 😊 Just like there are cycles of highs in life so are the lows. They will pass in turn.

[Ukdaddy1980]

On 7/21/2022 at 6:13 PM, DaddysMonkey said:

….. Hi. *waves* 

 

So I guess to start off , nobody is perfect and she wasn’t either. I do think someone can be “perfect FOR you” (which basically just means intense compatibility to me) but they will still have their flaws just like any other human being. 
 

*Little proud monkey golf claps* Self reflection like this is extremely important and hard for a lot of people to do. The fact that you can even recognize the feeling or thought you might just be filling a void by having a partner is very introspective. It sounds like you might have co dependent tendencies , (I’m not a doctor take everything I say with a grain of salt). Is that a bad thing ? It can be I guess if you don’t know how to properly recognize and manage those feelings. Outside of relationships I’m extremely independent , inside relationships I crumble and am very codependent. I go to therapy and shit , so I know the signs to look for and how to take action against unhealthy behaviors. Not that this is you or anything , your post was fairly vague so I’m just rambling at this point hoping something hits home. 
 

You are neither right or wrong for having these concerns , rather just a thoughtful human being. I personally think it’s great you reflected in your past relationship , not many people do that and see what might’ve been wrong on both ends or healthy ways to move on / see habits that might be forming when in relationships. 
 

If you’re feeling this way , I would suggest taking things really slow with anyone you are trying to court. It’s possible you are getting frenzied over having someone to love , a relationship, this lifestyle (or whatever else). If you exercise self control and take things very slow you will be able to tell better over time of it’s a compatible match with chemistry or just something you’re excited about / attracted to. 
 

Hope my bullshit rambling helps ! 

Thanks for your words of support, you are very wise because a lot of what you said had helped me to better understand the way I'm feeling and also, and arguably more importantly, why I'm feeling this way. 

 

When I used to do role play with littles/baby girls I thought sense of enjoyment I got from it was just some kind of short lived superficial buzz but I now see that its much deeper than that and this would explain the empty feeling after a casual role play. I think I needed to feel the deeper sense of loss from a deeper connection to better understand the feelings I'm experiencing. 

 

It seems I'm incomplete all the while I'm unable to be a care giver and the role play was a temporary fix for a much deeper need. I'm not sure if my feelings amount to codependent tendencies but it it definitely looks that way in so much as I function better when I have someone to care for.

[Ukdaddy1980]

On 7/22/2022 at 12:53 AM, LittleLavenderGirl said:

Oh, I am so sorry that this happened to you!!! But in some ways, it is good because you realized what you’re looking for in a relationship, and you learned about being a Daddy some more and also about yourself some more. 

Yes, I am sure you feel as though you could be just “filling a void” with other littles. You don’t wanna just get into a rebound relationship.  But, it makes sense that you wanna fill that void bc you know what you’re seeking in a DDlg relationship. It is natural that you would want that sense of emptiness to be corrected. It does not mean that you will be using the next person you’re with. You need to look further, if you’re ready for that. You simply have a better idea now of what you’re seeking.

I think that relationships across the board are the same, no matter the “kinkiness” level. It’s hard for purely vanilla people to find their match, too. (Although I admit it’s harder for us in many ways.) Sometimes the passion of a union will ignite quickly, and then somehow fizzle out just as quickly, when you are least expecting it. It has happened to me before, and I would venture to say that it’s happened to not only everyone here as well, but also most people in the world. 

For me, I have just learned to see these things as opportunities for self-discovery and growth, although it can be difficult to put your heart out there. My heart has been broken several times, and I am sure anyone else could likely say the same. But I have been so motivated to find my forever Daddy that I just kept trying. 

I think you’re likely feeling incomplete now not necessarily because of her, but because the deep need in you to be a true Daddy to your little girl was being nourished, and it isn’t anymore. That doesn’t mean she was right for you; it just reinforces more the kind of relationship that is right for you. 

My advice to you would be to not question it. Just take it as it is - that you’re meant to be a special all the time Daddy to a special little girl. And I fully believe that everyone has a special person out there who is meant for them. It’s just that she wasn’t that little girl for you; but that’s ok. It just means you should do some reflection on the things about that relationship that were so fulfilling to you, which you know you’ll need some form of in other relationships. 

I hope you are ok!!!! And also I hope you don’t lose hope!!!! Your special one is out there, I know it 100%!!!!!  😊😊😊😊😊

Thanks for your input, I've been taking a few days for reflection hence the delay replying. 

 

I feel like I'm ready to move forward without my next relationship being a rebound but it took me literally years to find her and the prospect of restarting the search is a saddening one because of the prospect of years of searching again. 

 

I'm OK, just wishing the process of finding a baby girl wasn't such a long one 

[Ukdaddy1980]

On 7/22/2022 at 1:58 AM, andrielisilien said:

I applaud the previous replies 🙌 wish that could be a reaction to use because I agree fully with what has been said.

 

Concerns or emotions are not what defines you being right or wrong. They are feedback not facts. That is something my therapist has been drilling into me the past two years and I still keep that my focus. Usually, people who ask the question, "am I bad person?" are not bad people because they are willing to check themselves and look for possibilities on how they could be better. So, don't stress over whether or not your concerns are bad.

 

I too had a recent breakup that happened very fast to me. As a little it left me feeling abandoned and I wanted that void filled right away. I tried joining this forum and others back in January but I didn't get far because I could tell this wasn't the answer. I felt horrible, triggered, I couldn't handle it here, and had to clock out for several months until I was ready. Just having a profile written up and talking in the discussions was a HUGE step for me. I first had to work on myself and give my feelings time to be expressed safely before moving on. I still want to be careful to not rush anything and I tell people that when private messaged. I am looking for friends to start with.

 

We don't know the details of your past relationship, but you sound like a good person that is thoughtful of others. Take things slowly, as was suggested already here. Be transparent when talking to those you are interested in. I don't want to slip into rebounds either because not only would that hinder my own healing process it would be most unfair to the other party engaging with me. My case is not on the same level as yours but hopefully there is some similar advice here?  Discovering yourself is awesome and that should be encouraged!! Keep learning about yourself and what you want out of life. Yes, there is hurt right now and there can also be some excitement for possibilities that are yet to come. Take things one day at a time. You will get through this. 😊 Just like there are cycles of highs in life so are the lows. They will pass in turn.

 

I try to be a good person and I'm constantly using self reflection (arguably too much sometimes, I'm told by some of my friends). I'm sorry you went through a period of feeling abandoned and (at the risk of overstepping boundaries) send you a warm virtual hug. That's a horrible thing to have to deal with and I hope you're OK now.

 

I find every day I discover more about myself as a daddy/cg and what that role means to me. I'm trying to view this period as a temporary hiatus and not something that will be longer term. 

 

I'll get there I'm sure, it just needs time and patience

[DaddysMonkey]

27 minutes ago, Ukdaddy1980 said:

Thanks for your words of support, you are very wise because a lot of what you said had helped me to better understand the way I'm feeling and also, and arguably more importantly, why I'm feeling this way. 

 

When I used to do role play with littles/baby girls I thought sense of enjoyment I got from it was just some kind of short lived superficial buzz but I now see that its much deeper than that and this would explain the empty feeling after a casual role play. I think I needed to feel the deeper sense of loss from a deeper connection to better understand the feelings I'm experiencing. 

 

It seems I'm incomplete all the while I'm unable to be a care giver and the role play was a temporary fix for a much deeper need. I'm not sure if my feelings amount to codependent tendencies but it it definitely looks that way in so much as I function better when I have someone to care for.

Aww , shucks 🙈Get outta here , I don’t need thanks ! This is about you ! 
 

That’s a positive thing in my opinion , that’s a healthy way to find out that you’re more interested in this dynamic than you thought , or rather a deeper running one. You experimented , has experiences , and recognized that empty feeling. 
A quote I will share with you , because I am lame ;

” I do not believe in love at first sight , I do however believe in love at first absence. “ 

You are SO correct in your sentiment. Feeling that twinge of pain of remembering something , and *missing* it and hurting. That’ll wake your brain up really fucking fast. 
 

Maybe you can find a positive way to channel your caregiver role in the community ? That doesn’t mean you need to search for a partner of course , but being an active member on the forum and in the CG/L community in general could be a healthy way for you to exercise those old dusty daddy bones. You could give advice to people in threads , whether it just be mundane every day things or giving advice and opinions on much heavier topics. That’s an easy way to express yourself and get a lot of thoughts off your chest , you’d be surprised how much better it can make you feel. 

[Ukdaddy1980]

I will definitely give it a try, who knows...I may stumble upon someone special in the process. I'm still getting to grips with the forum so it may take a while to actually figure out what I'm doing though  🙈

[Ukdaddy1980]

To be honest I would welcome any and all forms of conversation from other forum members. Advice, general chat...anything...I'm not very good at starting conversation and I often worry that I'm not very interesting to talk to...I'm weird 🙈🙈🙈

[DaddysMonkey]

9 hours ago, Ukdaddy1980 said:

I will definitely give it a try, who knows...I may stumble upon someone special in the process. I'm still getting to grips with the forum so it may take a while to actually figure out what I'm doing though  🙈

 

2 hours ago, Ukdaddy1980 said:

To be honest I would welcome any and all forms of conversation from other forum members. Advice, general chat...anything...I'm not very good at starting conversation and I often worry that I'm not very interesting to talk to...I'm weird 🙈🙈🙈

Pfffft , we’re all a little weird here ! It’s okay 🤠

It probably doesn’t seem like it , but in real life I’m horrendous at starting conversations and feel like I’m dying during most social interactions. The longer you’re here the more you’ll find your footing and some good friends. 
 

Maybe you could start by posting a thread asking a question you’re curious about within the dynamic ? Hell it doesn’t even have to be about Ddlg , join the coloring contest with us ! Caregivers RARELY join and that would be the perfect way for you to start some conversations too. 
 

Best of luck to you , seriously ! I’m a creepy weirdo so I’ll keep an eye out and make sure you’re doin alright ^-^ You’ll do just fine. 

Edited July 24, 2022 by DaddysMonkey

[Ukdaddy1980]

Thanks 😊 it's reassuring to know I have someone watching over me 🥰