What do those without caregivers do to take care of themselves?

[Tay212]

I was very depressed when I posted my last post and I didn't even get my danged question out.  Just blogged apparently.  I am in a very bad place right now.  I have talked to my doctor and we are working on it, but so far, it's been no good.  I feel really lost and have not been making much decisions.  Like...nothings sounds good to eat so I just don't eat and also lots of other stuff.  The big part of me knows what I gotta do, the little part of me wants to hide in a hole and that is the part that is winning.  I know I gotta take care of myself to take care of my kids and my house and my ex who I'm trying to get out of my house and all the bills and all the grown up stuff and I've been doing all this on my own for years, but suddenly I feel broken and helpless.   How do you motivate yourself to do things when you just don't feel motivated?  How do you keep taking care of yourself when you don't feel like you have enough care left for yourself taking care of everyone else?  How do you be your own caregiver?

[ANewDragon]

I am sorry to hear you are in such a hard spot. I was recently in a similar spot. The way I kind of broke out of that spot is that I had to start living for myself. I found something to care about, and made it my desire to survive because I cared about something. I am not fully out of my hard spot, I still choose not to eat cause nothing sounds good, or I eat something that is completely not healthy for me and just ends up making me more hungry. But finding a reason to survive is a very good way of making your way to being your own caregiver. 

[SpinSpinSugar]

I have a Scorched Earth system; my inner CG is a drill sergeant, essentially, and she don't put up with nothin'.  it's probably controversial but not everyone can afford to go to psychotherapy, or it just isn't available and survival is the biggest thing for me. So I shut down everything - get rid of any chat programmes someone I previous spoke to might track me down on, destroy all photos, messages, anything and everything that might tempt me to dwell on or hope for the impossible. Just. Burn. It. And salt the ground afterwards. It's all about survival for me at that point and this means I survive. When it's a more distant memory I might unpack it by paying someone with a  degree entirely too much money per hour to make judgments on me, but for the most part, this does the job.

 

Then I set little goals for myself - I remind myself I have a young son who relies on me to have my crap together, and so I better eat.  And I better bathe, wash my hair, and maybe paint my nails. I might be faking it at this point, but Fake it Till You Make It is the Whole of the Law.

 

Then I go out and work in my garden - dirt takes hurt, and it's useful and calms me. You may have something else that does the same, allows you to weep and feel a bit better afterwards. I listen to music, or write in my blog or journal. I used to dance quite a bit when I was more able, and sometimes just blasting one's favourite toons works a wonder. I get myself to eat a little something that day by using a timer and reminder on my phone. I might scrimp a bit together to get me a treat - for those who are more mobile than I am maybe buying that triple-caramel machiatto might be the ticket.

 

So set a goal.  Today, decide you're going to eat a little something (not just toast!) and drink water. Just one step at a time. Don't dwell, and remove anything and everything that even remotely triggers you. Burn it, bury it, and leave it.

 

I wish you luck.

[Whispering-oak]

TAY

  As a real life daddy of four kids I understand the emotional and physical demands of life trying to care for self and kids... Many of the littles have expressed a loss of feelings and physical association when forced to combat everyday life without a mate..(Husband, Daddy, bf, ect)... I would suggest that if you are able, make a list of must do items that must be accomplish everyday.... then make a list of what a Daddy would have you accomplish everyday... if you are unable to do the latter on your own ... Search for a Daddy/Mommy who you trust and ask them to make a list or talk with them and see if the two of you can come up with a list... On your everyday list make sure you put one hours for yourself...even if it is after the kids go to bed... (if they are still at home)....This hour is to be used for : painting finger/toe nails, a bubble bath with fragrant oils, reading a book while sipping hot chocolate, shopping for the adult/little in you online..you get the idea... You have lost a part of your life and now you must fill the hole that is left with what is important to you.... When you are ready you will begin the search for someone to fill that spot that is left in you ... Your heart will tell you when you find him, and even if it is just friends online to start you will bloom again just like all flowers do .... Stay strong and remember,  YOU are not only a grown woman but you are also a little ....TWO IN ONE ... only truly SPECIAL GIRLS can make them both work...

DD/for lg

John

[Tay212]

Thank you very much for the advice.  I will try some of those things.  Sometimes it is tempting to just sit in the bottom of my hole and cry...but, big girl panties must be pulled up and things accomplished again. 

[daddyslittlefrenchprincess]

I just ignore my little side. Which makes me sad. But I don't feel I have a choice. I don't have a daddy right now. And when I did he was new to it and wasn't making much effort to learn anyway to be honest. So I didn't feel like I was allowed to be little anyway. I have so much "big" stuff on my plate that being little seems pointless and selfish to me. I am envious of those who have the freedom to be little. I allow myself to cry every so often (which at this point is every few days) and then just push forward.

[Bemineforever]

Be Big and make yourself a list of things that make you happy when you're expressing your inner-you. Coloring, watching cartoons, cuddling with teddy. These are things that are generally reusable or for multiple littlespace time uses so they are considered a personal investment. Set yourself a spending limit and go at it this one time! . It's important to get into a routine that gives you structure. Schedule out a weekly routine where you take care of both little and big needs each day. Write it out and create your daily schedule. Schedules should include things like diapering needs (if any), scheduled bath time, and bedtime routines. Little ones need help remembering things--even routine. Develop a chart with weekly tasks and goals to hit. For example, every day at 9:00PM before bedtime you take a bath, but on Friday you take a special bubble bath to enjoy.

Little ones need encouragement for keeping up with things. Here are some reward ideas:

 

Little's Lunch - bad-for-you foods for lunch. Cereal? Corndogs? Hotdogs? Pizza? One meal only, not all day! (up to once every 3 weeks)

Special bubble bath time - special fizzies or extra bubbly bubbles (up to once a week)

Special snack - bad-for-you snacktime. Ice cream? A big bowl of fruit? Brownies? (up to once a week)

Stickers - Special stickers bought specifically for this purpose. Sparkly, shiney, favorite characters. (up to 3 times a week)

Movie Marathon - Special time set aside to watch 2+ littles movies in a row.

. It's easy to slip into a routine where you drift away from others and become secluded. Don't let this happen to you. Reach out and make friends who have similiar interests. Depression is easy to overtake you if you're not interacting with others. Remember, all littles and babies love to hang around with like-minded little and baby friends so that they can chitter chatter and share toys.

 

Develop an online persona. It's okay to reflect your inner-you online in safe communities like Littlespace Online. It will help you keep in contact with the outside world and make friends, which will help fight off depression and anxiety. Create an online account using a name that makes you happy and let yourself be you while maintaining your anonymity.

 

Seek help when you need it. If you're hurting, physically, mentally, or emotionally, then it's important to reach out to someone for some help. This is why it's important to be a part of a community where you are yourself--so you can speak up and let other people know when you're not well. Everyone struggles with growing pains.

 

 

Just something I think will help a lots. Love yourself, smile, enjoy. Remember you are strong, beautiful, sweet. With hope you start feeling good. Be blessed. Keep smiling. Talk ask if you feel to, always willing to talk help

[Guest Chandelier]

I'm sorry about your situation. 

 

Taking care of yourself can be so hard, especially when there's a hundred other things going on. I don't have kids, but I do work full time as a manager in a group home for adults with disabilities and feel like I do, sometimes. I think that I work soo hard taking care of everyone around me, ensuring their happiness before mine. Then, when I do think about myself, it's more in terms of, 'okay, what do I need to do to pay my bills' and never 'what am I going to do to make myself happy.'

 

I had to take a step back, and I personally think it starts with self love. I love the people around me, so I bend over backwards making them happy. I would never let them go without eating, drinking water or being concerned. Then, I look at myself and realize all I've had that day was an energy drink and maybe one meal if I'm lucky. You have to start caring about yourself the way you care about others. Which, I know, is hard. I still have days where I look at the clock and it's already dinner time and I haven't even had lunch. A caregiver reminds you of things, like staying healthy. So, I try to become my own caregiver.

 

I set alarm reminders in my phone with notes.

Hey, self, eat breakfast.

Hey, it's time for lunch.

Are you drinking water?

Breathe!

Smile.

Dinner time! 

etc

 

This is great, somedays. I get the stress of being constantly on the go. There will be days I sigh so hard and roll my eyes when the alarm goes off. Days when I see the "breathe" reminder pop up and just want to cry. But then, there are days, where I pull out my water bottle, eat a granola bar, and take a breath. 

 

Life gets stressful, if you ever need someone to talk to, PM me  
I hope everything gets better for you!