Angry at the state of the world

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

Do you other caregivers ever just get fed up with how much suffering and trauma there is it in the world, especially for AFABs and especially for AFAB littles? I just don't understand how so many people have never had someone just look out for them and have their back. And what really sucked is wanting to be that person for somebody and struggling to find someone open to it. I just want, more than anything, to calm the wind and waves for someone and show them a gentler, easier way to sail the sea of life. I'm good at overcoming adversity myself and see do many people fouled up in so much stuff. It's sometimes overwhelming how much hurting there is.

[Barney048]

While I understand your kind intent and emotions behind this post, reading it just made me cringe. Everyone struggles in today's world and society. People don't need someone to look after them and protect them. They need to first accept themself , their needs, and work on being self-reliant. Many conveniently skip that part, because it's just easier to find someone to lean on. But that's not a long-term fix, it's just like a painkiller.

Honestly, this post of yours just sounds to me like you're fishing for some little who's had it rough to come "sailing" your way.

[Fuego]

Life is quite a long journey and we all have to discover ourselves and come to our own realizations on our own terms. And at our own pace. 

 

And yes, having others to lean on when we are in tough times or times of self doubt can help get us through, and help us learn about ourselves and hopefully become a stronger and better person for it. 

 

So I would say it is healthy for us to seek others that we can find comfort with when the storms of life are raging. 

[LittleStarLight]

I will preface I am not a CG but I am a very caring and nurturing person.  

The world is in a strange state right now. But even with that said, there have been extreme hardships and horrific acts through all time, and the reality is we cannot protect everyone from everything.
 
The only way I have found to protect myself and to bring the type of people I desire into my life is to take a break from negativity. For me that looks like avoiding social media, youtube, news, and evaluating the people in my life who *enjoy* being in a negative head space (Hyper judgmental/critical, always looking to gossip or are only able to talk about negative topics.) 
It seems whenever I take these breaks and give it a little time while exploring interests, the type of people that are healthy or desiring to be healthy appear in my life. 

I don't know you, but from your post it sounds like you really desire to witness compassion and love (platonic or other types.) And that's a wonderful thing! There is a lot of hurt in the world and the sad truth is that we can only do our best to love others, but if a person doesn't want to be helped, then we need to protect ourselves from their energy so that we do not fall into the darkness ourselves. So I slightly agree with above posts in that it can be dangerous to be searching for someone that just wants to be taken care of. It sounds nice at first, but over the years it may cause destruction to you and the other person. Talking from first hand experience....*ahem*.. 

As for dealing with close relationships that are in pain, the advice is similar: Continue to love them, but if you are hurting and in a bad head space you will not be able to help them the best that you can.  

I apologize if I assumed too much of your post. These are just the thoughts it brought up in me ^-^ You have a quality that is beautiful, and I hope you will find what you are looking for soon! 

[SmolAetherr]

everyone's struggling, i'm with barney here im not sure what makes one group's struggles more valid than another we should all be looking out of each other not just the "fragile" AFAB littles

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

On 7/10/2022 at 3:29 AM, Barney048 said:

While I understand your kind intent and emotions behind this post, reading it just made me cringe. Everyone struggles in today's world and society. People don't need someone to look after them and protect them. They need to first accept themself , their needs, and work on being self-reliant. Many conveniently skip that part, because it's just easier to find someone to lean on. But that's not a long-term fix, it's just like a painkiller.

Honestly, this post of yours just sounds to me like you're fishing for some little who's had it rough to come "sailing" your way.

I posted it in caregiver space intentionally so as not to fish. Thanks for your feedback though. Have a good day.

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

19 hours ago, LittleStarLight said:

I will preface I am not a CG but I am a very caring and nurturing person.  

The world is in a strange state right now. But even with that said, there have been extreme hardships and horrific acts through all time, and the reality is we cannot protect everyone from everything.
 
The only way I have found to protect myself and to bring the type of people I desire into my life is to take a break from negativity. For me that looks like avoiding social media, youtube, news, and evaluating the people in my life who *enjoy* being in a negative head space (Hyper judgmental/critical, always looking to gossip or are only able to talk about negative topics.) 
It seems whenever I take these breaks and give it a little time while exploring interests, the type of people that are healthy or desiring to be healthy appear in my life. 

I don't know you, but from your post it sounds like you really desire to witness compassion and love (platonic or other types.) And that's a wonderful thing! There is a lot of hurt in the world and the sad truth is that we can only do our best to love others, but if a person doesn't want to be helped, then we need to protect ourselves from their energy so that we do not fall into the darkness ourselves. So I slightly agree with above posts in that it can be dangerous to be searching for someone that just wants to be taken care of. It sounds nice at first, but over the years it may cause destruction to you and the other person. Talking from first hand experience....*ahem*.. 

As for dealing with close relationships that are in pain, the advice is similar: Continue to love them, but if you are hurting and in a bad head space you will not be able to help them the best that you can.  

I apologize if I assumed too much of your post. These are just the thoughts it brought up in me ^-^ You have a quality that is beautiful, and I hope you will find what you are looking for soon! 

I'm not looking for someone who "just wanted to be taken care of". I'm looking to have someone's back and be on the same team as them, that's all. Like I'm a caregiver, but I'm not an idiot. I don't subject myself to people who are only interested in taking, nor does my post suggest that.

What I'm getting at is it seems to me that basic common decency and common sense would dictate that in a relationship, especially one as vulnerable as a CG/l relationship, the people in the relationship--monogamous or polyamorous--should cooperate and reciprocate regard, respect, and support.

Yet it seems to me from long years of experience that the vast preponderance of littles, or at least the ones whom I've met and interacted with, have very seldom or never had that kind of basic, supportive, loving relationship.

That is what I'm frustrated and upset about because when someone has had a string of abusive, manipulative, selfish partners, it makes them gunshy about opening up and being with someone new.

My astrological configuration due to placements of Taurus and Scorpio, indicates that I almost always meet people in times of transition and upheaval. I accept that it's my fate to have that happen again and again, I just get a little tired of only ever encountering people who are in recovery and aren't quite able to offer me reciprocity because of it.

To be clear, trauma is not the survivor's fault at all and it's a devil of a thing to overcome. And to be sure, there are caregivers overcoming trauma as well and I do know at all mean to finish their journeys to recovery. Rather, I am angry with what appears to be a panoply of folks who have been injudicious in their part relationship praxis, a sizeable subset of whom have identified as CGs or DDs and thereby have left a sour taste for it in the palettes of many. It seems like an awful loss for everyone involved at all points in the timeline and I guess I just find it a bit frustrating and underwhelming at times and was hoping other caregivers sometimes felt that way.

It would be pretty spiffy of people would engage with what I'm actually saying instead of reading something ultra judgemental into my words and then coming at me with edginess. This is meant to be a supportive place, not Facebook. Am I wrong about that?

 

Edit: Thank you for your comment though, it was well intended and pleasant, I'm just clarifying because I'm getting shat on by a few people in this thread and want to clarify. I'm sure that because it's the internet, more people will dogpile anyway, but that will be exactly what it is: a pile of dog dookie.

Edited July 11, 2022 by DeadStarsStillBurn

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

9 hours ago, SmolAetherr said:

everyone's struggling, i'm with barney here im not sure what makes one group's struggles more valid than another we should all be looking out of each other not just the "fragile" AFAB littles

I didn't use the word fragile so I don't know why the scare quotes. I'm not saying ONLY AFAB littles have suffered. Rather, my experience--you know, the thing I'm writing about--is predominantly with AFAB littles so I am speaking to my experience. I haven't dated many AMABs, and the few I have weren't littles. I haven't dated other caregivers or D-types so again can't speak to that.

With respect, you are bringing a very judgy interpretive lens to my comment the I don't find to be accurate and that is definitely unappreciated.

Edited July 11, 2022 by DeadStarsStillBurn
Typo

[DaddysMonkey]

Well , I guess first off I’ll say I’m not a caregiver… so everyone is more than welcome to tell me to fuck off with my opinion here.

 

Secondly , I do have to applaud your replies to what you felt were unfair diagnosis’ of your original post. Not everyone can keep a cool head when feeling this way and keep a reasonable discussion without it blowing up into a cat fight. That is hard to find these days. 
 

While it may have been worded harshly , I believe I see both sides to this. White it may seem like a judgmental lens being put on your post , and you are correct this isn’t Facebook.. this is still an open forum where people are free to post their opinions. Some will be more gracious than others , some will be a little more harsh , others just want something to talk about. Regardless if you agree with the sentiments or judgment on your post from others , it’s not really fair to post something publicly and only receive rainbows and sunshines. That’s just how the world works you know ? 
 

Since AFAB littles where the topic of discussion really along with your wishes that people had better lives with less turmoil , and I’m a AFAB middle I think I can weigh in a little. 
 

Everyone has struggles. It’s not even about gender , race , assigned sex at birth or who we like to suck and fuck , it’s about ✨PERCEPTION✨in our lives , what’s happened to us and what we believe we are capable of. 
 

Example :

AFAB little 1 : My parents divorced when I was little and I was neglected , I’ve been used over and over again and keep finding myself in predicaments that possibly could’ve been avoided. “My life is terrible and I’ll never trust anyone EFF THE WORLD.” 
 

AFAB little 2 : My parents divorced when I was little and I was neglected , I’ve been used over and over again and keep finding myself in predicaments that possibly could’ve been avoided. “Well , that sucks but there are people out there who have it way worse. Let’s make a difference for those who have it worse.” 
 

Two people of the same assigned birth , same sexual preferences and almost identical upbringing can have completely different views on what you’re talking about. Yes , I might’ve had some trauma but that doesn’t call for all smooth sailing necessarily. 
 

You also mention astrology , your signs and what you attract. I don’t knock anyones beliefs , but I also personally believe that you attract what you put into the universe. It’s a choice to let these types of people who are going on a healing journey into your life , it’s about deciphering who is sucking energy out without returning any back. If your entire focus is on a topic like this and peoples trauma and suffering and how to help them , it can be detrimental to your own well being whether you think you can handle it or not. 
 

Are you fishing for hurt littles ? I don’t fuckin know , I don’t know you well enough to say. It can *seem* like that though. That’s just something to keep in mind , I’m sure there’s not many people who know you on a real personal level here so we don’t know your character. It’s only natural that an unbiased opinion will pop up like that , just take it with a grain of salt and if you’re a good person that’s all that matters. 
 

Here’s to hoping it doesn’t get to you too much , you seem like you have kind emotions and intent as Barney said. Just sounds like it’s been received differently than you were wishing. 

[SmolAetherr]

9 hours ago, DeadStarsStillBurn said:

I didn't use the word fragile so I don't know why the scare quotes. I'm not saying ONLY AFAB littles have suffered. Rather, my experience--you know, the thing I'm writing about--is predominantly with AFAB littles so I am speaking to my experience. I haven't dated many AMABs, and the few I have weren't littles. I haven't dated other caregivers or D-types so again can't speak to that.

With respect, you are bringing a very judgy interpretive lens to my comment the I don't find to be accurate and that is definitely unappreciated.

you are certainly implying that they need more protecting, and i didnt ask if you like my comment or not, you posted to the internet, people post back... some agree some dont its how things work.

[WizardofOSS]

yes, it sucks but mankind will create evil and trauma despite you.

In my opinion, I try the best i can everyday, but you can't help everyone. Help those that help themselves and have enough faith in humanity that others are trying the same.

I like the story of the old man by the Sea who found a boy who after a strong storm that morning, would pick up a starfish and one by one throw them back into the Sea. The old man asked the boy why he did it, and the boy replied that when the Sun rises, they will die. The old man said,, "You can't possibly save them all!" Then the boy picked up another and threw it into the Sea saying, "I made a difference to that one"

You do what you can. No more can be done.

Good post, thank you!!

Story: https://eventsforchange.wordpress.com/2011/06/05/the-starfish-story-one-step-towards-changing-the-world/

[beanbean]

like someone said bad things have happend for thosands of years and you can not protect everyone . so if you do find that special someone by all means try to protect them .but remember  people need more then protection . people need much more so instead of seeing the world as a bad place do you part with your freinds and famly to make it a better place .and go from there

[CuteToBe]

Not exactly a caretaker but still i have something to add.

I'm not calling anyone out but I will say people who have never known love may go the other way and offer tons and tons of the stuff.  Because they know how humanity should be with one another. And that in itself is not a bad thing, could even be wonderful to experience.

But i will second the need for common sense, self respect, mutual respect and patience for everyone.

[LucaLuluButterfly]

Yes. The world has been terrible for quite some time. Our world is incredibly masculine and a global spirit makes out women should masochists and males sadists. I think before we were fully agricultural societies and were more nomadic or shamanic that there was a strong place and necessity for the feminine energy. It was the accumulation of resources and power over time that turned this world into such an unjust male dominated culture. Physical power alone has seems to be what matters, whereas what women offer is sorely undervalued. At the heights of male domination there were even witch burnings! When all they were burning were sparks of feminine power. Such a thing had become blasphemy in this world. Ultimately the mass hysteria around such things were merely projections of insanity, equal to that which you can recognise abusers for.

I believe the world, while still ever so dark, has more glimpses of light than there ever was. DDlg is an example of that and has never been more accepted than now. Our best tools to fight this fight is truth and love. We must speak our truths, tell others how we see the state of the world and hold ourselves and everyone accountable toward taking the steps for a better one. Our whole world is suffering from trauma, and with our individual suffering we must turn it into something good. We must recognise the cycle, the ignorance, and love unboundedly despite any apparent futility of change. Our actions have butterfly effects. We can’t change the world for the better, but we can change our world, and in turn give a better chance for those in and around our world to do the same. We can make this entire planet a beautiful safe space! 🌈