Cheating bf

[SugarandVapor]

I'm not really sure what to think and I feel dumb for getting back together with him. We have been dating for 8 months and currently live together, previously in December I broke up with him cuz he took advantage of me Sexuality and right after that I went to a party and a guy did the same thing and told me he only used me for sex, so it hurt and I ran right back to ex. 

A month ago he told me he was on grinder talking to ppl cuz he wanted pics and that I shouldn't worry that he was cheating cuz he knows that that would break my heart.

He knows that I'm Poly and he doesn't want me to see other people but he does that and still expects me to be ok with it.

I would leave if I could but I litterly have no one so I try to ignore it, he is immature and don't want him to act out and something go bad if I bring it up.

[DaddysMonkey]

Nope , nope , and nope. 
 

I’m extremely sorry if any of this sounds harsh while you are hurting. 
 

You need time to be on your own and heal. Staying with somebody just because you’re hurt or ran back to them , and it feels “safe” or familiar to be with them … it’s not healthy for you or anyone. 
 

He knows you are Poly , and are expected to not see anyone else but you’re being cheated on ? At least in a healthy and properly function poly dynamic , nobody is being cheated on and all parties are aware of other parties and consenting. 
 

To be quite frank , it sounds like this guy is a total dick bag and you’re being taken advantage of. 
 

Sometimes having literally nobody is the best thing for you , you can’t rely on other people at all times. Sometimes you have to get up off the floor , dust yourself off and just say “I can fucking do this.” 
 

Homeless without him ? Find women’s/family/homeless shelters until you can get on your feet. 
 

Feel alone without him ? Work on loving yourself. You can be your own best friend , protector and lover. Find some friends in the community for moral support. 
 

If you have to walk on eggshells about calling out cheating , and poor behavior then he is not a healthy person to be in a relationship with. 
 

To me , it sounds like you need to get out now before you get sucked in too far and really do end up in a worse situation. 

Edited July 9, 2022 by DaddysMonkey

[SugarandVapor]

I appreciate it alot, I helps that someone can give me non biased advise. I am currently working on getting a place to stay in shelter, there are alot of homeless where I live so it might be awhile till I can secure a spot. 

[WizardofOSS]

OMG!! I have a spare room, with a deadbolt for your reassurance, at my house! You can stay with me until you get on your feet (a month, 3 mos, 6 mos.?). Seriously, I've done this before for another unrelated girl 4 years ago (18yo) for 6 months and it changed her life! She had no where to go either. She just asked me to walk her down the Aisle last year for a man who treats her right, and she repeatedly thanks me for helping her and gets me gifts every Father's Day. I can't imagine where she would be if she continued to stay in that toxic relationship. It was an absolute honor to help her.

Yes I agree with Daddysmonkey, you need to be by yourself for a while (No Relationships), but you also need help to pick yourself up. It's too hard to restart your life from a shelter. I assume you have no family in the area or you would just go there.

I live in central Missouri and will be back from Virginia, Saturday July 16th. Sunday, July 17th, I can come get you where-ever you are in Missouri, no cost to you. PM me an address and phone number and I will come get you! Fresh start, no strings attached, nothing asked for, nothing expected, ok? Everyone here is your witness to this. Pack the essentials this week and let's get you out of there! I can handle any confrontation, no worries.

Seriously, consider my offer. You're in a dire situation, and I can at least offer to help you get on your feet again, ok? It will be my honor to help you.

I'll try to reach out via snapchat too. Thanks!

Edited July 11, 2022 by WizardofOSS

[DaddysMonkey]

While this is a very gracious offer , and even if you’ve had great experiences taking care of people in the past this way … 

I’m going to have to strongly advice not moving in with a complete stranger from the internet. As well as giving out all your information like phone number , address , Snapchat even. 
 

I’m sure you’re a decent human being , but it’s just highly unadvisable for either party. 
 

What if you’re a maniac that’s going to kidnap and murder this person ? 
How do you know this person won’t rob you for all your worth after opening your home to them ? 
 

Maybe some other form of support would be more realistic ?

[Guest VeganGuy95]

35 minutes ago, DaddysMonkey said:

While this is a very gracious offer , and even if you’ve had great experiences taking care of people in the past this way … 

I’m going to have to strongly advice not moving in with a complete stranger from the internet. As well as giving out all your information like phone number , address , Snapchat even. 
 

I’m sure you’re a decent human being , but it’s just highly unadvisable for either party. 
 

What if you’re a maniac that’s going to kidnap and murder this person ? 
How do you know this person won’t rob you for all your worth after opening your home to them ? 
 

Maybe some other form of support would be more realistic ?

I strongly agree with all of this. While I'm not suggesting WizardofOSS's intentions aren't pure. But what he is suggesting is an incredibly common tactic employed by perpetuators of abuse, sexual abusers and worse. It's actually a huge issue countries are currently facing due to everything going on in ukraine atm. It is highly advised that vulnerable people (women especially) don't follow these offers and instead contact local women's support organisations, there are many. 

I repeat, please do not accept this offer. 

And again, I'm not suggesting WizardofOSS's extended his offer for any of the above reasons but it is simply way to much risk for either of you. 

[Cebakes]

Dump him and don’t look back. Always remember, a leopard doesn’t change its spots.

[ZenDaddy]

On 7/9/2022 at 11:18 AM, DaddysMonkey said:

Nope , nope , and nope. 
 

I’m extremely sorry if any of this sounds harsh while you are hurting. 
 

You need time to be on your own and heal. Staying with somebody just because you’re hurt or ran back to them , and it feels “safe” or familiar to be with them … it’s not healthy for you or anyone. 
 

He knows you are Poly , and are expected to not see anyone else but you’re being cheated on ? At least in a healthy and properly function poly dynamic , nobody is being cheated on and all parties are aware of other parties and consenting. 
 

To be quite frank , it sounds like this guy is a total dick bag and you’re being taken advantage of. 
 

Sometimes having literally nobody is the best thing for you , you can’t rely on other people at all times. Sometimes you have to get up off the floor , dust yourself off and just say “I can fucking do this.” 
 

Homeless without him ? Find women’s/family/homeless shelters until you can get on your feet. 
 

Feel alone without him ? Work on loving yourself. You can be your own best friend , protector and lover. Find some friends in the community for moral support. 
 

If you have to walk on eggshells about calling out cheating , and poor behavior then he is not a healthy person to be in a relationship with. 
 

To me , it sounds like you need to get out now before you get sucked in too far and really do end up in a worse situation. 

Ditto, Ditto and Ditto.. lol.  Beautifully said (texted, messaged.. 🤔).. 

there were plenty of times in failed toxic relationships, I’ve journaled that “They were better than nothing”.  Now, having ended a very toxic relationship that was on again off again and having ‘Nothing’?!?   My level and degree of serenity and emotional peace of mind is PRICELESS!!  No chaos, no more cycles, and no more endless journaling on the same subject and issues over and over and over!!   In your case???  Nothing and finding yourself and your Sanity and serenity sounds pretty fucking amazing to me!!  Wish you the best.. 🙏🌹

[WizardofOSS]

6 hours ago, VeganGuy95 said:

I strongly agree with all of this. While I'm not suggesting WizardofOSS's intentions aren't pure. But what he is suggesting is an incredibly common tactic employed by perpetuators of abuse, sexual abusers and worse. It's actually a huge issue countries are currently facing due to everything going on in ukraine atm. It is highly advised that vulnerable people (women especially) don't follow these offers and instead contact local women's support organisations, there are many. 

I repeat, please do not accept this offer. 

And again, I'm not suggesting WizardofOSS's extended his offer for any of the above reasons but it is simply way to much risk for either of you. 

Gentlemen, I agree with you both. In hindsight this does look bad and could be a tactic by predators, although i've never seen any so public about it. I understand you and agree. A private message would have been better but I was having a problem with that at the time. I can see why it looks "cringy", but I tend to jump in where angels fear to tread despite my good intentions, its just me. I jumped before i thought about how it looked.

No worries though, its all getting settled and we're discussing options in a safe manner for both of us. I'll even have a chaperone with us when we meet. She won't be moving in, but I'll help her get her own place. It'll be ok. I don't want or expect anything from her. I'm sure she'll confirm this if she's willing to.

I appreciate all your concern, and I'll be cautious how my posts appear in the future. Keep being vigilant! Thank you!

[Little Becca]

Idk this all seems really off. Sorry, it just does. 😕

[Winter Lillee]

You don’t have no one 

you have this group for a start! 
and every time you leave the house, there is a million someone’s waiting for you. 
 

this person is not treating you with dignity and respect, and is doesn’t matter if he’s the only person you have right now because you can get a new person and a better person. 
 

And you also have yourself. Be your own best friend. It’s the best friend you will ever have. 💙💙💙

[LilDemonBaby]

i went thru a very similer experience. my ex cheated on me and was generally very abusive. so after 11 years of constant dog doodoo i walked away. it wasnt easy and no, i didnt come out unscarred. i now have a healthy hate for narcisssists and im armed with lotsa stuffs about that personality disorder so i wont fall into that gross trap again. to put it honestly, hes never going to change, and to hope against all hopes that he will, is too much energy to use. you cant change people and its not your job to. move on, heal , and find a real Daddy who will cherish you. 

[LilDemonBaby]

5 minutes ago, gigisweetheart said:

I don’t feel like it’s fair to dismiss people with the more difficult to treat disorders like Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder. NPD can be treated. It’s not easy but it’s possible. Also, people who are abusive don’t all have NPD. 

That being said, I’m glad you recognized the red flags and signs of abuse. That’s not an easy thing to do. 

i respect your opinion. its certainly not right to just stamp them as being all the same, but you mention NPD and BPD in the same sentence. people with bpd arent the same as those with npd. alot of people with npd have tendancies towards abuse wether it be physical or mental. some are covort about it and are simply toxic and manipulative, which is still abusive in nature. especially if its accompanied by sociopathy and psychopathy. its part of their disorder. should i lump them into one ball of prechewed gum? no, maybe not, but unfortunately fair is not in the abuser/abusee dynamic and im allowed to be reticent and untrusting around people like that as i spent my INTIRE life being abused by them. no joke. yes, it can be treated, but statistically, most dont get treatment. they just dont want to and at that point its best to get away asap. that said i never said all abusers have npd. that would be a stretch.  its ok to defend them if you wish, but i stand by my opinions. 

[MsMaddie]

On 7/9/2022 at 1:10 PM, SugarandVapor said:

I'm not really sure what to think and I feel dumb for getting back together with him. We have been dating for 8 months and currently live together, previously in December I broke up with him cuz he took advantage of me Sexuality and right after that I went to a party and a guy did the same thing and told me he only used me for sex, so it hurt and I ran right back to ex. 

A month ago he told me he was on grinder talking to ppl cuz he wanted pics and that I shouldn't worry that he was cheating cuz he knows that that would break my heart.

He knows that I'm Poly and he doesn't want me to see other people but he does that and still expects me to be ok with it.

I would leave if I could but I litterly have no one so I try to ignore it, he is immature and don't want him to act out and something go bad if I bring it up.

Hey, I’m also poly and I hope this helps coming from another poly person. Leave or kick him out. This is a VERY unhealthy dynamic. If he didn’t want you to see other people then he shouldn’t have engaged in a relationship with you, and he absolutely should not be telling you that you can’t see anyone. Also please don’t take offers for places to stay with random people off the internet. If you need help with resources for shelters or anything you can follow me and message and I’ll help you. You don’t have to tell me your exact location, we can go by the state only if you want. 

[beanbean]

Time toi kick his sorry butt to the curb you don't need any of that in your life