Genetics & Upbringing. (Nature vs Nurture)

[DaddysMonkey]

…… Hi. *waves* 

 

I guess I’m being fairly active here lately. Go me. 
 

I’ve always been extremely interested in the whole nature vs nurture concept. Is how we end up all just genetics and what we take from our bloodlines , or is it the way we are brought up and our environment were surrounded by as children into adulthood ? 
I’m annoying and think it’s equal parts nature and nurture. 
 

This also got me thinking , because I saw another post about relationships between parents and yourselves. I haven’t spoken to my birth father in probably seven years (before that it was ten years) , and haven’t spoken to my birth mother or step father in about ten years now. I’ve removed all blood family from my life , regardless of that I still catch myself having some of the same language , mannerisms , weird quirks and habits from my parents and grandparents as they helped bring me up. I haven’t been around my family in a good 10+ years total yet here I am …. Still screaming “GOD BLESS IT” like my grandfather when something chaotic happens , finding myself reaching for alcohol after an extremely stressful day like my birth mother , not standing up for myself like my step father , and being an admittedly physically abusive person in the past like my birth father. (I’ve gotten help and fixed this.) Is this nature , or nurture ? 
 

-What are behaviors/mannerisms/habits you inherited from your parents / family ? 
 

-Are they positive or negative ? 
 

-Do you think this was caused by nature or nurture ? 
 

Some of mine : 

 

-My mother is an extremely hard worker. That’s one of the only nice things I can muster to say about her. Sick or well , rain or shine ,  no matter what was going on my mother ALWAYS went to work. She was the bread winner in our family. I think this is something that was nurtured in her , because my Papa and Nana were the same way. They came from nothing and worked very hard to be well off and provide nice lives for my mom and uncle. I think this is a positive , I was raised in a home where the female was the top dog (even if she’s a piece of shit).
 

-Swearing…. This is definitely nurture again. I was raised around a lot of foul language and was taught “words are words and if they hurt your feelings you’re not ready for a fight”. My grandfather was the worst of the bunch as he was an ex gang banger turned military serving in war , turned longshoreman. I’m sure you can imagine the lingo. Of course my mother being raised by him , her mouth was just as bad. Add my step father who would allow us to use swear words if we read the dictionary and memorized the meaning of what we were saying.. I have a terrible potty mouth.  I don’t think this is negative or positive. , just depends on peoples view on not so nice language.

-Alcoholism. This is very much a personal choice , I have very strong opinions (of course with grey areas) on addiction and the fact that it’s a choice. There is a lot of alcoholics in my family , my mother being the worst of them all. This I think is nature. So many people in my family have turned to alcohol from a young age , even the ones who never really saw it growing up. I noticed these habits in myself when I was 18-19. I didn’t know how to deal with all the trauma in my life , saw everyone in my family be happy when they’re drunk my entire life and thought… “It runs in the family right?” I had a pretty bad year long bender on booze at that age. I was getting into fist fights every week , putting myself in dangerous situations , and lying to people around me who were worried about my well being. This is definitely a negative. (I don’t drink heavily anymore , a couple shots here and there.) 

 

-Humor. I’ve noticed that a lot of people will have a very specific sense of humor or way of telling jokes and getting people to laugh. I’ve seen a lot of family’s (like my neighbors) where a dad and daughter have the SAME LAUGH! Same reaction to jokes , tell the same jokes , and think all the same things are funny while the mom sits there like “-____- you guys are annoying”. My home growing up wasn’t a very happy place , there wasn’t very many jokes being told and when they were it was by my grandpa or step dad. Both of them having dark twisted humor , I kind of got the same humor as I grew up. As I got older though , my parents and grandparents became more absent and I had my own issues doing a stint in a mental hospital. THAT MY FRIENDS BUILT MY HUMOR. For me , the baseline of my humor came from my grandpa and step dad but holy fuck… As a mentally ill person  I take pride in being funny as fuck. 8/10 of the people I meet that have mental health problems are some of the funniest god damn people I know. I guess when you don’t care if you live your humor gets a little wild. 
 

I’m interested in hearing what people think they’ve got ingrained in them from their family / parents. Humans are so strange the way they develop into the people they are. 

[SugarandVapor]

I am the complete opposite of my adoptive family, im the black sheep. Im very quite, and very open and just want everything get along. When my family is not so nice to people, I guess I saw how they were and tried my best not to be like them.

[Andriel_Isilien]

I'm starting to see habits I get from my parents and people have pointed them out now. I had no idea but here it is. I tend to laugh and tell stories just like my mother. 😅 My best friend once said I'm a bit like Owl from Winnie the Pooh because I get "long winded". LOL Oopsies! 😂 Then I noticed my mom does the same thing! We just love telling stories and get caught up reminiscing about the tale. HA!

 

Now my dad, that's a bit more negative. I am now seeing that a TON of my anxiety and stress is from him. Unintentionally but there's no denying it. He is all go go go like the energizer bunny. He even walks fast. A little kid commented to him, "You move pretty fast for an old guy." 🤣 And I see it that I do that too!  Like I said in your other topic, my senior clients I do caregiving for tell me off for moving with such alacrity. They ask me to do something and they have to follow it up with, "When you have a moment, sweetie. SIT DOWN!" Oof 😅 My dad also acts with urgency on simple things and it triggers me. I had to tell him, "Please don't call me up saying I need to come over right away like there isn't a minute to lose. I get worked up thinking someone is dying or the house is on fire." Turned out I just needed to sign some legal papers 😒 I missed lunch for it and had to get onto my next shift. He might be able to take stress in stride but I can't keep up. I have a panic attack and it ruins my routine to eat properly, take care of errands, and sleep. My people pleasing perfectionist is from him.

Edited July 8, 2022 by andrielisilien