Looking for advice

[Izzybella16]

Hi all! Thanks for taking the time to read this and help me out. Until about 5 years ago I never realized I was a little. Always had signs and traits but never knew where to put it all. When I found my then partner he knew right away and all the pieces seemed to fit like the perfect puzzle finally!  Recently My Daddy of 5 Years no joke up and told me he didn't love me anymore and was leaving me. I have been so confused and feel so betrayed. I feel like i have this big division in me.  Trying to survive, trying to find a new path. Being afraid to be little. I just don't know which way is up or down yet. I hope noone has ever been through this but if you have how did you cope? How did you pull through? I just want to be true to who I am and I want to know how to ever trust and feel confident again in the life style when the one who is supposed to protect you and be there and knows you better then you know yourself just abandons you. With all I know now and have experienced about myself I know I can't just close that door or wear the rosey colored glasses I had on before. It is just such a confusing place. Thank you all again for reading and giving me a safe space to vent with people that will understand the struggle. 

[Guest PrettyinPinkxx22]

I am sorry this is happening, my heart aches for you. I am going through something similar with my daddy. I am thinking of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs. I am here for you, please message me if you want to chat x

[Izzybella16]

I can only message you if you are my friend and I am not sure how to do that here yet. I am sorry it is happening to you. I would love to chat. We could all use more understanding friends in the world. ❤

[Guest PrettyinPinkxx22]

27 minutes ago, Izzybella16 said:

I can only message you if you are my friend and I am not sure how to do that here yet. I am sorry it is happening to you. I would love to chat. We could all use more understanding friends in the world. ❤

No worries, I just invited to follow you xxx

[LoverEcho]

I feel for you, I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now. Breakups are hard enough, but when it seems so sudden…those are particularly difficult. What helped me get through mine was a reframing of what happened. I reminded myself that though I felt abandoned and hurt, it meant that the person I was with wasn’t the right one for me. I offered myself the time to heal, and reminded myself I would find someone again someday. I know it can be hard to feel little when your partner wants to go separate ways, but you are a little with or without a Daddy. Don’t stress about your littlespace, it hasn’t disappeared and you’ll be able to get there easily in the future. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Find your support systems and remember the things you enjoy. You will heal in time! 

[MasterPhotog]

@Izzybella16, I know you have some great advice. Here's my 2cents worth:
Since your Daddy chose to be with you for 5 years, think of what lately happened before he decided to not love and to leave you. Once you have some idea or possible reason(s), see if there's something you can do to resolve that. 

Keep in mind there may be a reason that has nothing to do with you in which case, there's nothing you can do about it. 
In any case, try not to blame yourself and continue being strong and taking care of yourself. 

Best of luck. 

[Little Becca]

15 hours ago, Izzybella16 said:

Hi all! Thanks for taking the time to read this and help me out. Until about 5 years ago I never realized I was a little. Always had signs and traits but never knew where to put it all. When I found my then partner he knew right away and all the pieces seemed to fit like the perfect puzzle finally!  Recently My Daddy of 5 Years no joke up and told me he didn't love me anymore and was leaving me. I have been so confused and feel so betrayed. I feel like i have this big division in me.  Trying to survive, trying to find a new path. Being afraid to be little. I just don't know which way is up or down yet.

Oh my!!!!  Izzy I am so so so sorry. *hug hug cuddle* Of course you know I understand to an extent what you’re experiencing. I am so sorry that happened with your Daddy. I wish he did not do that. I, too, would feel both confused and betrayed, especially after that length of time. I did experience something similar to that with a previous relationship, actually my marriage, which lasted 8 years. 

It is so sad when someone does this. I don’t know why he did that, but I will say this: What you are is a good and nice thing and you should never ever be ashamed of your little heart. I understand needing to keep things under wraps and private at varying degrees, but his issues are HIS, and you should never question who you are. Who you are is a very nice and happy and good thing. 

And also Izzy you deserve someone who cherishes you, not someone who doesn’t realize what a very nice gift a little girl is. (You know I am going through the same thing, too.) I just can’t stress to you enough that you shouldn’t repress your little side because it is a good thing to be. 

I am relying on this community to help me through this, and I hope you will do the same thing. We are both very special and sweet little girls!!  All little girls are!!! And there are lotsa people who value that. And also, do you like to color??  You should enter the coloring contest!!!  I entered it, and also I am gonna color more of the pictures but you’re only allowed to have one as your official entry. And also if you win you get to pick the theme for the next month!!!  And guess what, I picked baby animals for if I win!!!! 😊😊😊😊😊

Izzy there is nothing wrong or bad about you, and it is always the right choice to be true to yourself. And I really really hope you feel better, and you definitely will with time, and you can reach out to me any time you would like. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Edited July 5, 2022 by LittleLavenderGirl

[Little Becca]

9 hours ago, LoverEcho said:

What helped me get through mine was a reframing of what happened. I reminded myself that though I felt abandoned and hurt, it meant that the person I was with wasn’t the right one for me. I offered myself the time to heal, and reminded myself I would find someone again someday. 

Echo, you really have a lot of wisdom about you. 💕💕💕💕💕

[Winter Lillee]

15 hours ago, Izzybella16 said:

how did you cope? How did you pull through? I just want to be true to who I am and I want to know how to ever trust and feel confident again in the life style when the one who is supposed to protect you and be there and knows you better then you know yourself just abandons you.

Hi There 

You're such a good girl for posting all these big feelings here. (That's what I imagine a good Daddydom would say haha) 

But it's true... being little means that some things are just big and scary on our own. 

When I found out I was a little... it was under similar circumstances. I dated someone who I fell madly for... he introduced me to the lifestyle and I realised I had found myself. I WAS a little  but like you.... my partner decided after time that he wasn't "in love" with me. it's scary because you're not just losing a friend and lover, you're losing a caregiver. It makes the blow that much more painful and confusing. 

I want to tell you a few things from my personal experience 

1. Your identity as a little is special and wonderful and beautiful - and you don't need a Daddy Dom to validate this. 
2, If someone decides they don't love you anymore, then they are likely not very emotionally intelligent. Love doesn't disappear. Lust disappears... cravings for novelty can be confusing... and if someone can't see the difference between love and lust then they shouldn't be a Daddydom. You don't just "stop" loving your children, your family. And you don't offer to be a Daddydom to someone that you would love any less that this. Therefore, you can do better. 
3. Losing a caregiver is painful in its own way, and you are allowed to be sad. It's okay to feel anything you might feel. Just know that even as a little... you have strength inside and can step up to care for your little self. Your future Daddydom - the one who is wiser, and stronger and just hasn't met you yet... he will want you to be strong and love yourself until the world spins just enough to have you two meet at last. 

<3 

[Guest Daddylyfe]

9 hours ago, LoverEcho said:

I feel for you, I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now. Breakups are hard enough, but when it seems so sudden…those are particularly difficult. What helped me get through mine was a reframing of what happened. I reminded myself that though I felt abandoned and hurt, it meant that the person I was with wasn’t the right one for me. I offered myself the time to heal, and reminded myself I would find someone again someday. I know it can be hard to feel little when your partner wants to go separate ways, but you are a little with or without a Daddy. Don’t stress about your littlespace, it hasn’t disappeared and you’ll be able to get there easily in the future. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Find your support systems and remember the things you enjoy. You will heal in time! 

Just to add on to this, and try not to see this as cynical... but remember most of the relationships we have while looking for someone that will be mutually good for, and mutually commit to you both are going to end  in a break up. Some people believe in soulmates some don't but whatever side you are on, there's always only a few people you are going to meet in your life that will have that click that goes off. 

I don't think looking for a fault here is healthy. sometimes people just aren't right for each other. It's terrible to have it be a 5 year relationship. But better now than after settling down completely. 

[Guest Daddylyfe]

2 minutes ago, Ticklechambers said:

Hi There 

You're such a good girl for posting all these big feelings here. (That's what I imagine a good Daddydom would say haha) 

But it's true... being little means that some things are just big and scary on our own. 

When I found out I was a little... it was under similar circumstances. I dated someone who I fell madly for... he introduced me to the lifestyle and I realised I had found myself. I WAS a little  but like you.... my partner decided after time that he wasn't "in love" with me. it's scary because you're not just losing a friend and lover, you're losing a caregiver. It makes the blow that much more painful and confusing. 

I want to tell you a few things from my personal experience 

1. Your identity as a little is special and wonderful and beautiful - and you don't need a Daddy Dom to validate this. 
2, If someone decides they don't love you anymore, then they are likely not very emotionally intelligent. Love doesn't disappear. Lust disappears... cravings for novelty can be confusing... and if someone can't see the difference between love and lust then they shouldn't be a Daddydom. You don't just "stop" loving your children, your family. And you don't offer to be a Daddydom to someone that you would love any less that this. Therefore, you can do better. 
3. Losing a caregiver is painful in its own way, and you are allowed to be sad. It's okay to feel anything you might feel. Just know that even as a little... you have strength inside and can step up to care for your little self. Your future Daddydom - the one who is wiser, and stronger and just hasn't met you yet... he will want you to be strong and love yourself until the world spins just enough to have you two meet at last. 

❤️

this is way better advice than mine. Psh. I feel a bit sad because I've never seen this sort of situation from a little's point of view. Even though this thread isn't about me, thank you for the perspective. That's why communities like this are so important. 

[ZenDaddy]

The trickiest part about the 'Right Now' space of such a tramatic event is, trying to make sense of it or get to the bottom of things... REST Little Girl.  It won't happen, at least not right now.  Self care and allowing time to take you past the 'emotions' to the space of Logic and truth is where you will find your solid answers.  And once you do it may or may not change the outcome.. you have to be okay with that. 

When reality crosses your path with the trauma of someone leaving YOU, you will struggle with all kinds of emotions of 'What could I have done differently', or 'How could I have prevented this from happening?'...  As MP has said, it may have absolutely Nothing to do with YOU, and you may never know the true reason.  But what you DO know is that it's here.. it's happened outside of your control, and it's a part of your 'journey' now.  The advice of this forum is incredibly insightful, and there are lots of Gems to take away from the various observations and experiences everyones had.  What makes this Place so special during times like what you and others are going through is, there is ABSOLUTELY no judgement here, and you are encouraged to be True to that part of you.  It's a part of who and where you are at this point of your journey in life, and you should embrace the 'Little' in you and know you're not going to loose that.  

Big group hugs to you Little Girl.. you are among friends!  🤗

[LoverEcho]

31 minutes ago, LittleLavenderGirl said:

Echo, you really have a lot of wisdom about you. 💕💕💕💕💕

Thank you, Lavender. That’s kind of you to say. 💕

[Andriel_Isilien]

I think I understand what you are going through. I discovered my little side many years ago. I got married and then introduced Ddlg to my husband who was so excited and all for the dynamic. But then this year (New Year's Day) he surprised me with a divorce. And to add insult to injury told me, "You did nothing wrong." So many emotions of hurt, confusion, anger, despair, abandonment, and tears overwhelmed me. If I did nothing wrong then why was he breaking every single promise?? How could he do this? We had nearly 4 1/2 years of us being a couple and he just gets to make the executive decision to give up. I figured out now that he was having his own identity crisis and I simply was collateral damage. The issue is on HIM not me. That has helped me to at least be OK with myself and accept what has happened. But the hurt is still SO hard to sit with. I have to start over again with myself. I'm very sorry this is happening! This is awful and especially in the context of Ddlg where you as a little are being betrayed like this. You don't deserve this. The problem is on HIM not you. I'm sorry you have to bear this.

 

My best advice is to focus on the present. These questions that you have, "can I ever be vulnerable again?" are for another time. Don't try to get solutions or figure out reasons for why this happened or how will things work out. For right now, seek validation for your emotions with friends, this community, counseling, family, and with yourself. There are so many good people that care about you and want to help. I recently learned about somatic release where you use physical actions to release the stress or trauma that can stay in your body. You can expel it by crying, dancing, exercising, breath work, and more. This is the time to get yourself mentally and physically back to a state of homeostasis. This is the time for you do some self-care. I'm proud of you for coming here to talk. This is a great community and lots of people have great advice! Even just a virtual hug helps us to not feel so alone. The little in you is precious and deserves love. Try to show that to yourself. I realized that love starts with myself. I am all that little me has in this world. 

[tangible~ soul]

1 hour ago, ZenDaddy said:

The trickiest part about the 'Right Now' space of such a traumatic event is, trying to make sense of it or get to the bottom of things... REST Little Girl.  It won't happen, at least not right now.  Self care and allowing time to take you past the 'emotions' to the space of Logic and truth is where you will find your solid answers.  And once you do it may or may not change the outcome.. you have to be okay with that. 

When reality crosses your path with the trauma of someone leaving YOU, you will struggle with all kinds of emotions of 'What could I have done differently', or 'How could I have prevented this from happening?'...  As MP has said, it may have absolutely Nothing to do with YOU, and you may never know the true reason.  But what you DO know is that it's here.. it's happened outside of your control, and it's a part of your 'journey' now.  The advice of this forum is incredibly insightful, and there are lots of Gems to take away from the various observations and experiences everyones had.  What makes this Place so special during times like what you and others are going through is, there is ABSOLUTELY no judgement here, and you are encouraged to be True to that part of you.  It's a part of who and where you are at this point of your journey in life, and you should embrace the 'Little' in you and know you're not going to loose that.  

Big group hugs to you Little Girl.. you are among friends!  🤗

This!! This brought me to tears and I thank you. So spot on. Briefly, I myself am fresh out of a 10 year committed relationship. I have begun doing what I never did for myself much when I was in the relationship....drum roll...SELF CARE! So incredibly important and healing. My relationship consisted of emotional abuse/gas lighting/etc. I had to give up the " Why wasn't I good enough", " what happened ? I loved to the best of my ability", and similar things we ruminate about after a break up. It's a sheer force of will to leave the hamster wheel of hell questioning and move on...one...baby step...at...a...time.

A few things I feel confident about to speak on: 1). DO not go into a new relationship right away. Rebounding is not healthy and not fair to any new partners you may find. It is up to us ( maybe therapy, support sources as well) to heal our wounds. The bulk of the work is on us to do, a partner can help us share in those accomplishments later on. I know, the pain is intense and incredibly personal. It will pass in time.

2). Take care of YOU now. YOU are your best caregiver, YOU are your best friend, YOU are the one that will make your needs and wants happen.

Happiness lies within you and nothing else can fill that gap but YOU. External happiness is simply the appreciation we have as we have found self love within.

You are strong, never believe otherwise xoxo

[ZenDaddy]

4 hours ago, tangible~ soul said:

This!! This brought me to tears and I thank you. So spot on. Briefly, I myself am fresh out of a 10 year committed relationship. I have begun doing what I never did for myself much when I was in the relationship....drum roll...SELF CARE! So incredibly important and healing. My relationship consisted of emotional abuse/gas lighting/etc. I had to give up the " Why wasn't I good enough", " what happened ? I loved to the best of my ability", and similar things we ruminate about after a break up. It's a sheer force of will to leave the hamster wheel of hell questioning and move on...one...baby step...at...a...time.

A few things I feel confident about to speak on: 1). DO not go into a new relationship right away. Rebounding is not healthy and not fair to any new partners you may find. It is up to us ( maybe therapy, support sources as well) to heal our wounds. The bulk of the work is on us to do, a partner can help us share in those accomplishments later on. I know, the pain is intense and incredibly personal. It will pass in time.

2). Take care of YOU now. YOU are your best caregiver, YOU are your best friend, YOU are the one that will make your needs and wants happen.

Happiness lies within you and nothing else can fill that gap but YOU. External happiness is simply the appreciation we have as we have found self love within.

You are strong, never believe otherwise xoxo

Your words are Gold, Tangible.  Clearly you've come through the fire.  Big hugs to you as well!  We all have our stories, yes??  What an incredible 'Place' this forum has been, in my short time being here... such words of wisdom, and LIFE... I'm speechless as to what incredible knowledge I've come across here.  Could it be WE'RE the normies, and THEY'RE the aliens?!?  hahaha... sorry, I digress.  😁 

[Izzybella16]

9 hours ago, LittleLavenderGirl said:

Oh my!!!!  Izzy I am so so so sorry. *hug hug cuddle* Of course you know I understand to an extent what you’re experiencing. I am so sorry that happened with your Daddy. I wish he did not do that. I, too, would feel both confused and betrayed, especially after that length of time. I did experience something similar to that with a previous relationship, actually my marriage, which lasted 8 years. 

It is so sad when someone does this. I don’t know why he did that, but I will say this: What you are is a good and nice thing and you should never ever be ashamed of your little heart. I understand needing to keep things under wraps and private at varying degrees, but his issues are HIS, and you should never question who you are. Who you are is a very nice and happy and good thing. 

And also Izzy you deserve someone who cherishes you, not someone who doesn’t realize what a very nice gift a little girl is. (You know I am going through the same thing, too.) I just can’t stress to you enough that you shouldn’t repress your little side because it is a good thing to be. 

I am relying on this community to help me through this, and I hope you will do the same thing. We are both very special and sweet little girls!!  All little girls are!!! And there are lotsa people who value that. And also, do you like to color??  You should enter the coloring contest!!!  I entered it, and also I am gonna color more of the pictures but you’re only allowed to have one as your official entry. And also if you win you get to pick the theme for the next month!!!  And guess what, I picked baby animals for if I win!!!! 😊😊😊😊😊

Izzy there is nothing wrong or bad about you, and it is always the right choice to be true to yourself. And I really really hope you feel better, and you definitely will with time, and you can reach out to me any time you would like. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

I do love to color! I didn't even know about the contest yet. Thank you for helping!

[Izzybella16]

You are all so wonderful, thoughtful, and helpful. I can't even express how much better you all have already helped me feel. The outlook is no longer so bleak and I can see the rainbow peaking through.  No rush though. Self care is going to take sometime. Looking forward to exploring My little side through the help and support of this fabulous community I was lucky to find. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[Izzybella16]

Now I have so much more to discover. Before daddy I would buy stickers and school supplies, cute things, teddy bears and all at the same time almost punish myself for it. With daddy I started playing with toys, baking, cute fun foods, sippy cups, so many other path ways. I think I will have to set myself on a schedule though. Can't be little all the time or whenever I feel like it anymore. Life won't allow me to be so flexible. Still processing the little without caregiver and it makes sense but still seems so overwhelming. 

[Izzybella16]

Sorry for multiple posts in case we didn't know I am a little bit of a hyper one 😅. 

[Andriel_Isilien]

7 hours ago, Izzybella16 said:

Still processing the little without caregiver and it makes sense but still seems so overwhelming. 

Take it as it comes. 💗 It's easy to get caught up in thinking there are certain ways to be a little. Make little space your OWN because you are unique and special. 😊 I have a gallery specifically for tips on self-care being little without a caregiver. It gives me a lot of encouragement!

[Little Becca]

10 hours ago, Izzybella16 said:

I do love to color! I didn't even know about the contest yet. Thank you for helping!

Yayyyyy then you should color in the contest, too!!  There are lotsa pictures to choose from, too!!!  Here is the link!!! 😊😊😊😊😊

 

 

[Izzybella16]

12 hours ago, andrielisilien said:

Take it as it comes. 💗 It's easy to get caught up in thinking there are certain ways to be a little. Make little space your OWN because you are unique and special. 😊 I have a gallery specifically for tips on self-care being little without a caregiver. It gives me a lot of encouragement!

Not so much that i feel the right and wrong way to be. Especially since my little tends to take off running. But it is intimidating feeling like i don't have that safety net if i get scared or startled. It is nice sometimes to have that encouragement or adult supervision lol. Everyone would be so proud of the giant bubble bath I am in with my sippy cup and checking in on everyone today! 💖

[Izzybella16]

12 hours ago, andrielisilien said:

Take it as it comes. 💗 It's easy to get caught up in thinking there are certain ways to be a little. Make little space your OWN because you are unique and special. 😊 I have a gallery specifically for tips on self-care being little without a caregiver. It gives me a lot of encouragement!

The coloring when feeling not so good is a really good tip/idea. 

[Andriel_Isilien]

36 minutes ago, Izzybella16 said:

Everyone would be so proud of the giant bubble bath I am in with my sippy cup and checking in on everyone today! 💖

Heck yeah! 👍 LOL I have to use self restraint in not using up ALL of the bubble bath soap in one go 😆 Enjoy the moment