My daddy told me he needs a break from me. I am very sad.

[Little Becca]

I’m feeling very hurt and sad right now.  For some background, my daddy and I have been together for a while.  We love one another, but our relationship has issues.  I feel as though I annoy him constantly no matter what I do.

He has a very stressful life and works 7 days a week.  For a long time now I have feared that he just doesn’t have time for me.  He tries to talk to me when things are slow at work. The hard part is that on my days off are when he is busiest at work, and this is a long-distance relationship.  It is online only, and there are circumstances which prevent us from meeting in person.

I do have anxiety and insecurity, which are qualities I am open about, and which I try to keep in check and be aware of, but it is also just part of who I am.  They are things I envisioned my daddy helping with and offering support for, but I have learned to not talk to him about my anxiety and insecurities because it never seems to go over well (I end up feeling annoying).

I don’t receive a lot of care from him, which is something I want and need more than anything in the world.  I attribute it to him being busy, but it is true I feel neglected in the relationship.  I have talked to him about these feelings, but I ended up with the impression that he felt I was accusing him of being “not good enough” or something.  That is a problem we have, that I often feel he is taking something I said the wrong way, and then I end up confused at his reaction and apologizing.  I have just been trying to be patient and hoping things will improve when he is not so busy, but I don’t know when that will be.

One of the most annoying things I do is ask questions when we’re talking about something.  When he has time, we have long, interesting discussions about different topics which can last hours sometimes.  I am a very curious little girl and I want to understand things so I ask questions.  He wants me to wait until the end of the discussion to ask questions, but if I don’t understand a concept, I would like to ask for clarification before moving on.  At the end of the discussion, I often forget my questions.  This happened Saturday night and I ended up feeling extremely anxious.  He got upset with me and made a sarcastic comment to me, and I made one back to him.

I apologized to him last night.  At this, he basically chewed me out, that’s all I can really think of how to explain it.  I won’t go into a lot of details, but he said some things that were incredibly hurtful and just made me feel like I am a huge burden on him.  He told me he needs “time off” from me and to not talk to him until he reaches out to me, which he isn’t sure how long that would be but maybe a week or two.

I don’t think that is a good thing, to be in a relationship where my Daddy feels he needs time off from me, like what you do for a job.  I just feel that he has absolutely no patience or time for me, and he essentially told me as much.  This has been extremely difficult and I feel very very sad and lost.  On some level, it wasn’t a surprise though.  I am just sad and I don’t know what to do.  Obviously I can’t talk to him about it.  I would appreciate any support or advice.

ETA: I realize this is only my version of the events. I am sure his perspective would be different. I tried to be as objective as I could. 

Edited July 4, 2022 by LittleLavenderGirl

[Guest PrettyinPinkxx22]

I am so sorry this is happening 😭 I have been going through something similar. I know it hurts right now but please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. I just want to give you hugs right now ❤️❤️❤️
 

[LoverEcho]

I am sorry to hear that your relationship is having some problems. I can understand how you are feeling, as I once went through similar issues.
 

It’s especially hard in relationships with this type of dynamic when it seems one party cannot meet their side. Of course, we are all adults and life happens, but that is why communication is so important. From reading your post, you very clearly understand this but the issues exist outside of that. 
 

I appreciate that you acknowledged that this is just your side of the story, but your feelings are valid. Entering relationships of this type, there are expectations of more attentiveness than a typical relationship may have. From my perspective, you don’t seem to be unreasonable in what you are asking for. I am sorry that your Daddy doesn’t seem to want to step into that role. It could be that he is busy, or his interest in this type of dynamic has changed.  
 

Needing some space from our partners is good and healthy sometimes. The time away can bring clarity and give us a feeling of more freedom to think. In my opinion, a week or two seems excessive but everyone is different so I am not judging harshly on that part. What is a bit alarming, though, is that he seems to want a break due to your needing of care which forms the basis of this type of relationship as I mentioned before. 
 

In my own previous relationship, I had a partner that would routinely leave for periods of time without letting me know. At first, the relationship was wonderful, I couldn’t have asked for more but it quickly dwindled. We had many arguments due to me expressing my feelings about him not having an active role in our relationship. I was, in his eyes, always wrong about this for different reasons. He used the dynamic to his advantage  and convinced me my place was to be available to him but that I wasn’t to make any “demands” or question him. I ultimately had to leave this relationship for my own well-being. It was hard for awhile, I won’t lie about that, but healing came and it taught me to be cautious. 
 

For now, I would suggest letting your Daddy take his space. What to do after that might be tricky. If he argues with you when you express your feelings, that’s not the greatest sign. I would try to at least ask about his interest in the dynamic. His answer to that could tell you a lot about what he may not being saying. 
 

You’re not alone in this. Many people, on both sides, experience similar issues, both inside and outside of the dynamic. I truly know how hard it is to feel lost and neglected by someone you love. I hope you both can rectify this, and if not, I hope you find what you need. 

[Guest Libradaddy1980]

I'm so sorry this is happening. 

I guess my first question would be does he work 7 days a week every week? I know some jobs have really crazy schedules but they get extended breaks after long consecutive working days.

Long distance is always difficult. But working as much as he does makes it even tougher. Especially when a little needs a lot of attention and care due to anxiety and other health issues. 

Did he always work this schedule? If so then taking on any kind of relationship would be a tough task but trying to be a daddy would be much more difficult. 

You were upfront about who you are and the needs you have within a relationship. Did both of your expectstions, needs, wants align when you got together? If he told you he could give you the support you need, knowing he rarely has time off then shame on him. 

You should never need time off from the one you are with. But it also sounds like he is completely overwhelmed by work. He probably just needs some time for himself but didn't go about communicating this the right way. 

Just know you haven't done anything wrong. You have only been yourself who is exactly who you told him you were. In my opinion it kind of sounds like he doesn't have the patience to be a Daddy. (Going off the not letting you ask questions right away especially).

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but the two of you may not be compatible as daddy and little. You can get along great in all other areas but not work within DDLG. And that is alright. Painful but no one's fault.

Please take this time to work on yourself. Think about what you need from your daddy and when he has had some time have another conversation about where the relationship is at and where you both need it to be. If you're not both on the same page then it will probably be best to go your separate ways. 

Finding a forever daddy or forever little is tough. It's not always going to work out the first, second or even seventh time. Sometimes it does the first time. 

I truly hope it all works out for you. Know we all have your back anytime you need support.

[Little Becca]

1 hour ago, PrettyinPinkxx22 said:

I am so sorry this is happening 😭
 

Thank you, Pretty. I know you understand this as well. I am so sorry you are going through this, too. Thank you so much for being so supportive. 

[Little Becca]

57 minutes ago, LoverEcho said:

I am sorry to hear that your relationship is having some problems. I can understand how you are feeling, as I once went through similar issues.

Thank you so much, Echo. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. 

I have asked him about the dynamic - pretty recently, actually - and he always assures me that this is what he wants, that he loves me, etc. The more I reflect, however, the more I wonder if he just wants a “bedroom only” situation, which is not at all what I want and I have been up front about the from the onset. If he reaches out to me again, I will ask him. 

The thing is, his responses to questions or his feelings about things can really throw me off guard sometimes and I hesitate to ask him questions or voice my concerns, because I am afraid I might come across wrong to him. I have made a lot of adjustments in the way I speak and act to try to remedy that issue, and also have tried not to be demanding in what I expect from him, because I realize he is so busy and I try to show love and respect for him. 

One of the things he said in his text to me was that for the past two months, anytime he’s talked to me for more than an hour, he was neglecting other life obligations. I felt very ashamed about that because I didn’t know. I just enjoyed talking to him, I did not realize it was such sacrifice on his end. So I understand needing time away from me but I agree, the time he needs seems excessive to me as well, especially given that this is a long distance relationship. 

I will give him his space. I am not making any decisions right now but I will say that I am not sure I can overcome the hurt he caused me with his words, like he was “sick of trying with me,” etc. I don’t know the right word for how that made me feel, just heartbroken, small (not in a good little way), and bad. And the other thing i need to consider is that I have noticed these chew-out sessions have increased in intensity over time. So I would have to accept probably having this happen again. 

Idk what to do, because I do love him. I am going to continue to think on it. 

Thank you again. 💕💕💕💕💕

[Little Becca]

1 hour ago, Libradaddy1980 said:

I'm so sorry this is happening. 

Thank you so much for your response and kind words, Libradaddy. 

He owns a store. He works really hard and I do admire his work ethic, but you’re right, it makes having a relationship very difficult. When we first started talking (about 9 months ago), his store was still struggling from the pandemic and he didn’t work very much. After a few weeks, he reopened the store fully and that’s when this schedule began. 

I have really tried to figure out other ways of managing my anxiety and life stress without turning to him, because I know he has so much on his plate right now. I have tried very hard to offer support and cheer him on. Maybe I didn’t do that enough, I don’t know. I maybe just kept ignoring my needs because it seemed like he needed more support from me, and I tried to provide it. I generally derive a lot of joy from helping others. Still, I have said from the onset that I am the type of little who wants to turn to her daddy for everything, and he seemed all on board with this at first. It seemed that our goals and expectations did align well. 

Now, I don’t know. And I agree, he is, I am sure, very overwhelmed and I think maybe he has begun seeing me as another obligation to fulfill and I don’t want to ever be that. I wanted him to look forward to talking to me, not be another box checked off of the to-do list. Idk, I am sure he does look forward to talking to me but I also think it stresses him out, giving me his time. 

I thought, at first, that he was very patient. But as time has gone by, he has lost more and more patience with me, probably because his life is so stressful, but I just don’t know how more to help him. I am not sure what to think of it, except that I never want to be a source of stress for anyone, and I get the idea that is exactly what I am to him. 

Thank you for telling me this is not my fault!!!!!  I needed to hear that, because it feels like my fault. And thank you for your kind words and support. I need and appreciate them. 

[Guest Libradaddy1980]

OK. The whole "I am neglecting other things anytime I talk to you" is a major red flag to me. 

Does he not realize he is neglecting you in a major way?

I wanted to hold judgment on him but the extra info you just gave tells me he is pretty self absorbed. And you may he right about the bedroom only situation. 

I really dont think he is the Daddy for you. You deserve to be cherished. Your Daddy should be sacrificing his time away frome work with such a busy schedule to make sure you are OK and taking care of yourself. It takes such little effort to be attentive to your little and he doesn't seem to even want to do that. 

 

[ZenDaddy]

I read your sad story, and like many I am sorry you are going through this.  As a Daddy / Dom, I would be happy to chat with you if it might help.. and if not now, know you have an open invite to reach out whenever you'd like.  

Again, I am sorry you're hurting Little One... 

ZD

[prince eefy]

I can understand that it feels frustrating and lonely sometimes not being able to talk to your daddy. It rubbed me the wrong way when he said that anytime he talks to you for more than an hour it’s taking away from other things. That would make me feel awful. I’m sorry this is happening. 

[Guest Libradaddy1980]

Ah, a business owner. I can respect that work ethic. And I understand the stress he is under much better. That is his livelihood and same for any employees he has. He may need to find a store manager so he does not have to be there every single day. 

However, my thoughts on my last post still stand. Even more so. You are doing everything you know how to do to be understanding and to support him. But he is not reciprocating the effort. You have to have equal effort in a relationship. I know the saying is meet in the middle but both parties have to give 100%. And that doesn't mean be available 24/7. That's nearly impossible. But the effort is not there on his end. It may never be there. 

I have had to make this same decision multiple times with relationships where I was not getting an honest effort back. A big question you have to ask yourself is do you want to go through the pain of a break up now or suffer a greater pain in the future because you have continued to give your all for nothing for even longer?

I know that is pretty blunt but there isn't any sugar coating this. I don't think you will ever be treated the way you deserve in this relationship. And are not going to get the support you need either.

I honestly honestly hope that his having some time will make him see what he has in you and it changes. But I'm not too confident it will. Hoping he proves me wrong.

[Little Becca]

1 hour ago, Libradaddy1980 said:

OK. The whole "I am neglecting other things anytime I talk to you" is a major red flag to me. 

Yes, that was the most hurtful thing. I can’t imagine saying that to anyone, let alone the person I love. Honestly it all was hurtful and I feel bad for him, too, because I know his life is tremendously difficult.
 

Still, I know I’d have a very very hard time forgetting the things he said. I was very upset as his sarcastic remark when I was so anxious (which he made to me because the store was very busy). He gets overwhelmed and makes sarcastic remarks sometimes, but for whatever reason this one really upset me.  
 

But his response to my apology made me feel like he despises me. I know couples fight, and that is normal; but I just feel horrible now. It bothers me that he has felt this way for 2 months and is only now telling me, and in a mean way. Like a way I wouldn’t think a daddy would talk to his little girl. It make me feel foolish, somehow. 
 

Thank you again for listening. 

[Little Becca]

1 hour ago, ZenDaddy said:

I read your sad story, and like many I am sorry you are going through this. 

Thank you so much. I truly appreciate that and I love this community; I have missed it. 

[Little Becca]

1 hour ago, prince eefy said:

I can understand that it feels frustrating and lonely sometimes not being able to talk to your daddy. It rubbed me the wrong way when he said that anytime he talks to you for more than an hour it’s taking away from other things. That would make me feel awful. I’m sorry this is happening. 

Thank you my little friend. Yes, it did make me feel awful. Just bad about myself. 

Everyone here makes me feel better. Thank you so much for your response. 💕💕💕💕💕

[Little Becca]

1 hour ago, Libradaddy1980 said:

Ah, a business owner. I can respect that work ethic. And I understand the stress he is under much better. That is his livelihood and same for any employees he has. He may need to find a store manager so he does not have to be there every single day. 

Yes, he does work very hard and I respect that as well. I know he is busy, and I know he has tried to spend time with me. I just didn’t realize how he felt about that time he spent with me. 
 

I don’t want to give the impression that he is mean all the time. He absolutely isn’t. He has said some of the sweetest things to me and as I said, we have had many enjoyable conversations. We have shared many things with one another.
 

It’s just that when he says mean things, they’re extremely hurtful. I have been able to deal with it up to this point but I feels like he was maybe almost trying to hurt me with this last thing he said. Even telling me it’s not fair to him that he feels obligated to pay more attention to me on my days off, as those are busy days for him. I just don’t really know what to say to that. It’s just, I don’t think I can recover from what he has said. 
 

I can honestly say that I truly put forth a lot of effort in this relationship. I have a busy life as well but I would just take free moments to text him, or purposely set aside time to talk with him. I WANTED to do that. I think that’s what people with busy lives in relationships do.  
 

I truly appreciate your advice and I know I have some things to think about. Thank you very much. 

[Guest Libradaddy1980]

We can all get frustrated and accidentally get snippy at someone and not mean it from time to time. But if this is how he acts routinely then it is another red flag. A daddy should be able to better control his emotions because he knows his little is sensitive to how he talks to them. 

Waiting two months to say anything is another red flag. Even if it is an uncomfortable situation a daddy should always let his little know how he is feeling. And not in a sarcastic way either. 

You deserve so much better than what you are being given right now. 

[Little Becca]

1 hour ago, Libradaddy1980 said:

We can all get frustrated and accidentally get snippy at someone and not mean it from time to time. But if this is how he acts routinely then it is another red flag. A daddy should be able to better control his emotions because he knows his little is sensitive to how he talks to them. 

I wish I weren’t so sensitive but I just am. My feelings get hurt easily and I wish I could be tougher. But the fact is that I have the sensitivity and mindset of a 3 y/o little girl. It’s just how I am, and I can’t truly change it, no matter how hard I try.

Over our relationship, some things he said really stung for me. I am sure he would say the same of me. I did my best to try to see everything in context. I know he is extremely busy. But I just can’t take being treated this way indefinitely. And he does not always treat my this way, not by a long stretch. Still, it is  hard to automatically bounce back every time. And it makes me feel too bad about myself, and I guess things have just added up. (But also I have said unkind things to him, too. It’s not just him. I know I haven’t been as understanding as I should have been at times.)

Seeking this dynamic, I was looking for my Daddy to be the primary emotional caretaker but I just felt like he was always too busy to do that for me. I fell in love with him - I still love him, you can’t just turn that off like a switch - so I tried to be everything I could. 

Ugh, I think I am just rambling now, I am sorry. I need to go get the cookout started. I hope all of the US members are enjoying Independence Day, and I hope everyone else is having a lovely day. 

[Guest Libradaddy1980]

4 minutes ago, LittleLavenderGirl said:

I wish I weren’t so sensitive but I just am. My feelings get hurt easily and I wish I could be tougher. But the fact is that I have the sensitivity and mindset of a 3 y/o little girl. It’s just how I am, and I can’t truly change it, no matter how hard I try.

Over our relationship, some things he said really stung for me. I am sure he would say the same of me. I did my best to try to see everything in context. I know he is extremely busy. But I just can’t take being treated this way indefinitely. And he does not always treat my this way, not by a long stretch. Still, it is  hard to automatically bounce back every time. And it makes me feel too bad about myself, and I guess things have just added up. (But also I have said unkind things to him, too. It’s not just him. I know I haven’t been as understanding as I should have been at times.)

Seeking this dynamic, I was looking for my Daddy to be the primary emotional caretaker but I just felt like he was always too busy to do that for me. I fell in love with him - I still love him, you can’t just turn that off like a switch - so I tried to be everything I could. 

Ugh, I think I am just rambling now, I am sorry. I need to go get the cookout started. I hope all of the US members are enjoying Independence Day, and I hope everyone else is having a lovely day. 

You're not rambling. I understand completely. It really is hard to turn off love. However, do you want to always be second to everything else in his life? Cause I don't think that will ever change. 

Please don't ever feel bad about being sensitive. You're a little girl. For what it's worth I wouldn't change a single thing about you for anything. Cause who you are is what makes you you. And you should never ever try to be someone you are not.

[Winter Lillee]

5 hours ago, Libradaddy1980 said:

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but the two of you may not be compatible as daddy and little. You can get along great in all other areas but not work within DDLG. And that is alright. Painful but no one's fault.

I sadly want to second this. 

You're a little. 
This means you ask questions, need guidance... 
This means you need extra things that aren't present in other relationship types...  extra attention, extra patience, extra understanding.
You're a little so you're going to have a little mindset, little behaviours, and a little's feelings... 

Your partner may love you....  but your needs aren't being met, and it sounds like he is expecting you to be big when it suits him. 

Sometimes little's do need to be big... but it shouldn't be to the detriment of meeting your needs in most instances. You can't pretend to be big just because he is busy, or just because he doesn't like questions in the middle of a conversation... you are a little, it's who you are. It's a wonderful part of who you are - and it should be loved, and cherished and never squashed or criticised. 

Whenever I think of what a Daddy should do or react like... I imagine what would they do if they were truly interacting with a child? Does he expect a child truly to only ask questions at the end of a conversation? Would he really use the phrase "need a break from you," to a child? Those are things that seem more applicable to a big relationship... not a DDLG one. That's my perspective though - maybe other's differ. 

I feel strongly about this topic - but I really liked what libradaddy1980 had to say. it seemed very measured and fair. 

[Little Becca]

Thank you so much for being so supportive. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. I am heartbroken right now and these comments help me feel supported and not as sad.

I just don’t want anyone to hate him. That would be the worst thing. He is not bad, it’s just he is really busy. He really is a very good person and he said lots of nice things to me, too. But I just know that the type of little girl I am - someone who wants to just be myself and rely on my Daddy for so many things - isn’t something he can handle. I am just too needy. I would always make allowances and acceptances; I mean, as Tickle said, sometimes a little has to act big. 

It has been an extremely emotional few days for me, and I have cried so much.  But I really do not want to badmouth him. He isn’t bad at all, I just think I am not the right little for him. 

[Little Becca]

(And also, I am distracted right now with cooking!!  But I will read these replies more carefully soon!!!)

[Guest Libradaddy1980]

1 minute ago, LittleLavenderGirl said:

Thank you so much for being so supportive. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. I am heartbroken right now and these comments help me feel supported and not as sad.

I just don’t want anyone to hate him. That would be the worst thing. He is not bad, it’s just he is really busy. He really is a very good person and he said lots of nice things to me, too. But I just know that the type of little girl I am - someone who wants to just be myself and rely on my Daddy for so many things - isn’t something he can handle. I am just too needy. I would always make allowances and acceptances; I mean, as Tickle said, sometimes a little has to act big. 

It has been an extremely emotional few days for me, and I have cried so much.  But I really do not want to badmouth him. He isn’t bad at all, I just think I am not the right little for him. 

You're very welcome. 

Please do not worry. No one hates him. He may not have handled everything in a good manner but he is not a bad person. 

Sometimes what seems like a good match in the beginning turns out not to be. Sometimes when working a puzzle you accidentally put two pieces together that fit shape wise but later on you find the correct match. That's what has happened here. There is no blame on anyone. 

If you ever need anything: advice, a chance to vent, shoulder to cry on, etc. All you have to do is drop me a message. I will be more than happy to listen. You do not have to go through this on your own. Myself and many others will be happy to walk by your side as you navigate this path.

[Winter Lillee]

I am always open to new little friends! You can add me on Snapchat if you are keen x we are all in this together ♥️ Hehe you called me the t word hahaha 

[gentledaddydom1988]

I'm not sure I'll have much else to add that hasn't already been expressed better by people earlier. My heart hurts for you, OP. I'm a daddy who's particularly sensitive toward lack of enough time and communication in a relationship. I'm sorry you've been going through this. I definitely feel for you, knowing I've personally related on at least some level myself at times, and knowing that this kind of dynamic requires extra care and patience for the little, which in this case, you don't seem to be getting enough from your daddy. I also don't like the way he treats you in discussions. Like others have said in some form or another, you deserve better. I don't see things improving, if he remains as busy as he is. I'm also afraid he may say or do worse things to lash out and hurt you even worse, whether he means to or not.

Please be careful. If he keeps up a pattern of hurting you with his words and actions, I'd strongly suggest ending things with him. Even right now I suspect he's crossed a line of no return, but that's a judgment call that neither I nor anyone else here can make for you.

[Izzybella16]

So sorry this is happening. I can relate. I wish I knew what to say to make it all better. Sending you air hugs and you can chat with me if you want.