Just got out of Fetlife

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 7/1/2022 at 1:05 AM, Kittykat83 said:

Hiya, I'm sorry you've had such an experience. Fortunately when in there I've just had longterm experiences with nice people. It can get overwhelming, you do get s lot of 'do you want to see my cock'  or 'nice tits' or 'id love to do x, y or z to that arse' and to be fair I just brush them off, thank them for their comments and move on. Then I keep in touch with those who make me laugh or I can really talk to. I don't take it particularly seriously or think that those I talk to want something real except fun out of it. As most like myself are married, they maybe happy and just looking for something on the side or like me unhappy but trapped. 

In reality, they don't get the real me. Just partial me. 

But I think it's got to be used with a pinch of salt..... Basically a place where you can find a dom or daddy or what ever your wanting and have a bit of fun. If you get more than that, wow your lucky. But you do get a lot of tossers who are trying their luck for a shag, it can get overwhelming but it is what it is. If you can come to terms with that, it's a great place to meet fellow kinksters and have fun. 

In comparison I found this to be a friendly site and a safe place to be little. There it is harder and dirtier, a place where you get more of the sexy side of a bdsm encounter or relationship. 

Yes, indeed, a lot of those messages. I get Fet is a pretty big site, but it can get too wild.

I'm glad you had a good experience with some people there though. It wasn't my cup of tea, but I admit some people there weren't bad either, but I felt it wasn't worth the effort for one or two people, it's more about getting juicy content than interacting. 😊 Thanks for your comment.

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 6/26/2022 at 2:57 PM, andrielisilien said:

FetLife scared me off the first time I tried. Just the appearance was overwhelming because I felt like I couldn't be myself. But this year I got brave and put up my profile (it's the same I have here). I have set up strict boundaries that I spell out. If people won't even give the time to read it but instead message me to hook up then I won't bother giving them my time to respond. Simple. They can't accuse me of misleading because it's all there upfront. I am here to get to know the community, share discussions, make some friends, and learn. Already I have made a handful of acquaintances that are littles themselves on FetLife. We share stores that are good to shop at or what our favorite little things are. Any doms that come into my DMs pushing to be my daddy or mommy I don't engage or encourage. I can already see on their activity page that they are friending loads of other subs/littles so they won't be missing me. LOL

I am loving the discussions there as well as here because people ask some deep questions and the answers are so well thought out. It gets me thinking and self reflecting about what I can do to improve. I also love sharing the ideas for littlespace or favorite cute things! On FetLife I got to attend a meetup in a public place and meet so many people in the Ddlg community in my area. It was nice to see other people with similar interests and yet still be their own selves. I don't feel so alone being myself which is basically what I am seeking both here and FetLife. This forum makes meetups difficult because there are less people and we are more scattered across the globe.

It's good to know your limits. Don't feel pressure trying to be something you aren't even on FetLife. This forum here is pretty great! The mods do a wonderful job making sure we are keeping things safe and friendly here. FetLife is almost like a free for all running rampant until you are in a group or close circle of friends. I don't blame you for wanting to vent because people coming in aggressive right off the bat does feel disrespectful, especially when they ignore your profile. It's totally ok that you don't feel right using that site.

Yes, it can be a scary experience from a start point. I did a lot of rewriting and setting boundaries, but I guess I reached a turning point with some people there, so I just decided to delete it once and for all. I feel better staying away from that since I felt it was a lot of toxicity accumulated. Friends are worth it, but my mental health comes first.

I've checked out this forum and I feel more comfortable in here. Thanks for sharing ☺️ your experience. 

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 6/30/2022 at 10:50 PM, SpecterSprinkles said:

The people on fetlife honestly scared me...😂 I lasted a week before I was like nope...this...this just isn't for me. I'm too fragile for the aggression I experienced on there. 

Haha, I lasted a bit more,but yeah it can give you the bad vibes. 😅

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 6/25/2022 at 6:23 PM, London UK Daddy said:

I hate fetlife 

Maybe about 1 in 20 can be friendly   the other 19 are horrible 

9 of 10 users give you the wrong vibe. I agree 

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 6/26/2022 at 7:31 AM, Cebakes said:

I am a pretty kinky guy and highly sexual, but deleted my Fet account after a day.  Too many fake profiles and soliciting.  Creepy vibe as well.

I'm sorry you had to experience that. But I agree there's a lot of fake people or trolls.

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 6/25/2022 at 6:36 PM, Little kaiya said:

My Daddy and I didn't really enjoy our brief stint on Fetlife. There were a lot of people who didn't respect our relationship. There were a lot of people who would ask very inappropriate things of my Daddy and I so we bailed pretty quick.

I'm sorry you had to experience that. It's not a nice thing when you have a respectful relationship and you get harrassed by creeps. I hope you're doing better out of there ☺️.

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 6/26/2022 at 9:05 AM, Harlee-qwinnie said:

When I asked about it, I was given an honest response by a Dom I trust. I decided not to go there based on my own gut feeling and his opinion. IMHO, my time and sanity don't need to be abused in that manner.  

My .02

I think you dodged a bullet there. Yes it can take a toll out of yourself. I'm glad you stayed away from that site.

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 6/25/2022 at 4:26 PM, The RealDaddyCat said:

Fetlife is very predator heavy. It is not a super little friendly site especially if you are single. I am one of the leaders of a ddlg group there and we have had a few problems too. It is not a bad place for a couple to have a joint account especially to find local events.

Yes, I came to realize that fact a bit late. There are some nice littles on Fet, but you're right on the single predators, even with couples it tends to happen too. I hope your group is going well. ☺️

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 6/26/2022 at 10:22 AM, AsleepAndDreaming said:

My experience of this website, and of DD/lg in general, is that to be properly involved in it, you typically have the word "care" at the forefront of your vocabulary. Whether you're a little who wants to be cared for, or a Daddy who wants to care for someone, or you're just concerned with seeing if you can help others, the community in general seems to be quite gentle.

Fetlife seems to be all about kinks. Some of these are borderline illegal and some include quite brutal forms of domination, abuse and pain. It's a rough melting pot of a world of extreme and often distasteful interests. I'm not sure why a little would be on there but I can't imagine too much good would come out of it.  

Yes, you're right, care is indeed important. 

I found out too late that Fet isn't too much "Little safe", specially if you're single, but that's precisely why I fled too. I didn't felt I fit in there, and I decided it was time to look a healthier and friendly place.

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 6/26/2022 at 10:09 PM, Punographer said:

What I've gathered about Fetlife is that in olden times, folks used it as a kinky Facebook. You'd be able to connect, learn, and keep up with your friends/community. The intention is that you would these people in real life. There are other kinky sites with similar ideas and like this one is specific to a certain interest. Fetlife has become rather mainstream and therefore getting more traffic. The more people you have, the wider the interests and purposes of being on the site are. There are other similar sites that have died off or banned certain things so they flock to the next best thing. Like when Craigslist got rid of their personals section. A lot of those folks who might not even be kinky are heading to Fet. Now for the nefarious folks and encounters on that site. Like anywhere on the internet, you will meet people who are empowered by the anonymity of the internet and held unaccountable for their actions/words. It takes maturity to handle how unforgivingly provocative others can be. 

 

Fetlife is a great way to find resources and continue learning. It's also a great way to find businesses that you can't just google up and possibly even support local kinky people and communities. It can also be a great way to find friends and fun events. It's generally a good place to explore/grow because you get so much exposure. 

Above all, it's a good way to meet groups of people in real life and keep in touch.  

 

I understand. I had a few nice interactions on there, but I guess it wasn't my thing overall.

I explored a little and I found myself confident in the very start, but I started to feel very uncomfortable as time passed. I understand that you can get a lot from it since it's a big community, but maybe it was far too overwhelming for me, but I understand people are different ,and things may  work well for others, but maybe not for me.  In any case, thanks for the advice 😊

 

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 6/24/2022 at 10:17 PM, WigglyBun said:

I feel the same about FetLife, people come across as very aggressive or intense. I actually have a close friend who somewhat helps me to vet people I talk to on FL, if I have any slight concern about someone who has messaged me or tried to interact with me I ask them to check out the message or the persons profile and they give me their thoughts (a friend of 14 years, who knows me very well & is better at sniffing out rude/bs/manipulative type of people, etc lol). I don't talk to many people, and if a message or content or person makes me feel weird or pressured I just tell them I am not interested and go on my merry way. One of the good things about most online spaces is that you don't have to talk to or deal with people that make you feel uncomfortable, or rude, or just not your kind of person (like maybe they don't like puppies or kitties?!).

I do enjoy this community a lot more than fetlife, and I do think it's a lot less intense & aggressive...BUT there are still the people out there who are 24/7 horny and send you weird messages, or ask you weird questions, or just aren't your type of person. It could be a good idea to not let people follow you unless you've talked to them either in the forum posts or in the chat for a while if you are really worried, but you can also ignore people that give you the creeps too, which is always a blessing.

I have talked to a few really amazing people here who are not creepy or aggressive, I think it's worth sticking around and make some good friends at the very least!

Thanks very much for the detailed advice. Yes, Fetlife has rubbed me a lot of times on the wrong way with people. I used to feel judged and unfit, there are some amazing littles in there but I was often facing comments of not doing things right, when I feel kink are very personal choices.

I'm still exploring around this forum,  but I don't feel scared to express myself,unlike on Fet so I'm starting to enjoy my stay in here. Thank you ☺️

 

[T-chan]

Seems like it doesn't matter geographically on joining Fetlife. My experiences with Fetlife are terrible as well. Too much agression and toxic behaviour. Happy this forum exists

[LittlePupRune]

I know I'm going to differ from most of the opinions on here. 

I personally don't mind fet. I recognize its a hot mess most of the time and can be a lot. But I don't use it to look for people. I use it to find events near me and keep up with the friends I do make at those events. 

The creeps are definitely an issue. I've been told the tactics friends use to prevent those, which involves not setting gender and role as F or anything subby (so maybe saying "GQ" and "Kinkster" or "Hedonist" instead) they've also newly implemented a filter on the inbox so you can set it so only friends can message you, and allow or disallow photos in messages. Some people also set their location to Antarctica so they can't be found if someone is scrolling all the profiles in their area. 

It can be a good resource for those that want to make it work. 

[Craved_Daddy]

I have not really used fetlife much and now I really have no use for it. I have a friend who had a very abusive Dom.yself and my.princess talked her out of seeimg him for her own safety. I posted an add looking for a daddy and that my peincess and I would vet anyone interested. Because I wouldn't post her account I was a fake daddy. Because I used shitbag to describe who I was not looking for, I was not a daddy. Because No one had ever seen me at events I was not a real daddy. Because I didnt have any pics of myself I was a fake daddy. It was basically nothing but a bunch of desperate wanna be men trying to make themselves look like daddies and doms but proved to be only , arrogant, pompous, and boring. 

I mean what kind of idiot would I be to post her account? Every one of those delusional perverts would have been sending her dick picks and basically begging her.  No thanks. I'm not her daddy but I kind of made it my job to watch out for this little.