Overthinking Past Relationships

[Guest maya_bbg]

Hola Amores~

Have you ever had a relationship that ended semi-badly/or just hit a sour note towards the end and then had your mind continuously screw with you about it?

I mean, overthinking such things can differ from one person to another. Personally, I spend a lot of time wondering one of two things: a) did they ever actually care about this relationship or was the whole thing a ruse? and b) what have they done with our conversation and photos...etc.

I'm only sharing this because even though it's been well over a year, I still wanted a safe space to vent that wasn't social media, because honestly, who cares about you there? :)) But here, everyone's nice, so.

Sorry for getting all sappy, you're welcome to share your thoughts on the topic, or your experience if you're more comfortable, and maybe how you cope with these fears (talking mostly to my fellow littles).

Thanks amores, have a lovely day/night! 💖

[Vampiress]

When things end poorly I'll definitely have a period of time where I'll ask myself questions and have a lot of doubts. Rarely do I ever find a resolution or answers to these feelings, but I do get to a point where I am ready to just drop it and move on. It's unhealthy to let things like that live rent free in your head for too long, and it can hold you back even when the other person is moving on. I think the best way to handle it is to acknowledge any mistakes on both sides, make peace with the fact that you're not compatible, and learn from the experience and apply that to your life going forward. Use it as a self-improvement tool so you can be better for yourself in the future and an even better partner to whoever you end up with later on.

[GrampyP]

I'm going to go off on a tangent here but I hope it will give you a better perspective to not overthink past relationships.

I really believe that the vast majority of people do the best that they can, and that's the problem. The people that don't treat other people well enough, either don't know to do better or they do their best for themselves.

"If some one hurts our feelings, it's because we expected too much from them."

Bad behavior is on the perpetrator but we can't really control them, but we each need to control ourselves and how we react to things, (It's a long slow process.), for our own good and peace of mind. 

Thinking about things is necessary and very beneficial, just don't let the past hurts have too much of your attention, keep them in perspective.

Another tangent, those hurtful people can be on good behavior for a long time. Take your time...

[beanbean]

i mean i have asked my self all the questions after breakups but as long as you do the best you can there bot a lot you can do.you can look back and fix the small things maybe but a lot of the bid things will really be hard to fix. and no two relationships are not the same .

[Andriel_Isilien]

This does hurt, more than it should. It's so hard to not revisit what could have been or should have been. I'm learning to not let the regrets of the past rob me the joy I can have in the present. These questions can be torturous though. I have asked myself "Was this entire relationship a lie?" I get it that people change but it's hard to accept when promises get broken. In my case I think the man that I had fallen in love with was in love with the idea of us but not with me. He broke things off against my wishes and ran. He got to say everything and I didn't. What has been helping me is talking to close friends who already understand my situation and working through my emotions with cognitive based therapy. Again, being stuck in my thoughts of the past takes away being in the moment for me. So, getting out of my head benefits me the most. It's good to feel your feelings but don't stay there. Life still moves on and you can too.

[Guest maya_bbg]

19 minutes ago, andrielisilien said:

This does hurt, more than it should. It's so hard to not revisit what could have been or should have been. I'm learning to not let the regrets of the past rob me the joy I can have in the present. These questions can be torturous though. I have asked myself "Was this entire relationship a lie?" I get it that people change but it's hard to accept when promises get broken. In my case I think the man that I had fallen in love with was in love with the idea of us but not with me. He broke things off against my wishes and ran. He got to say everything and I didn't. What has been helping me is talking to close friends who already understand my situation and working through my emotions with cognitive based therapy. Again, being stuck in my thoughts of the past takes away being in the moment for me. So, getting out of my head benefits me the most. It's good to feel your feelings but don't stay there. Life still moves on and you can too.

Thank you @andrielisilien for such a heartfelt reply and for sharing such a heartbreaking story.... i hope we can both heal and learn so we can look back without much regret and look forward with hope ♥️♥️

[LeftyGuitar]

I was thinking about this not that long ago. I once had a mommy that had everything I wanted in a mommy. To make a long story short, she ghosted me. Its been hard not to think about at times, even though its been a few years. When you think you found everything and it all comes crashing down you, its hard to look past it, sometimes. The best thing we can do is learn from it and grow from it.