The Serious Side of DDLG

[Guest Missy]

I've been off and on the forum for about six months or so. Sometimes I participate, sometimes I lurk, and sometimes I just step back. One thing never changes. I am always a middle/little. Since figuring this out, I'm finding it hard to be anything else.

 

The thing that has left the biggest impression on me is the very serious side to being what we are. I just wonder if anyone else has thought about how much this kind of relationship means to some of us.

 

For Daddies (CGs) , the serious part is understanding how you are needed. Unlike in vanilla relationships, your little relies on you ....heavily. The little should be ok with being needy and wanting Daddy. A real Daddy doesn't mind and revels in how much he is wanted. Yet, it's disappointing when I've been faced with vanilla expectations in a DDlg relationship. Can you imagine hearing a Daddy tell you that he doesn't want you to be accountable to him or doesn't care for neediness of any kind? Any parent gets agitated and needs a break, but I would encourage some Daddies to really consider whether they want to take on a little if they can't devote a certain amount of time and energy to the DDlg relationship. There's nothing sadder than a neglected little.

 

On the flip side, littles can hurt Daddies. There are some Daddies with so much love to give a little. It is a serious thing to give someone a certain amount of control. I've known some littles to play games with Daddies. I ask that we all be respectful of a Daddy's generous heart because there will be somebody that comes after you that will have to pick up the pieces.

 

It's really about respect and taking this seriously. These are all real relationships and not elementary crushes that are supposed to change from week to week. (Unless you've stated that in your profile and you are good with that....then more power to ya. Ugh) lol

 

Let's play nice! Xoxo

[Pure Heart Dom]

What you say resonates with me deeply, thank you. I've been hurt in an extremely terrible way by a little earlier this year. Some do see it like a joke or a dilute it to role-play, where it's not serious, but I don't. I'm glad someone else sees it the same as well. After my experience earlier in the year, I feel as though I am unfit to be good enough to be a Daddy, I feel it an injustice to even consider myself any kind of caregiver at times. But I am here, making friends who hold it close to their hearts, much like yourself. I really appreciate your post. Thank you!

[Kat]

I think that is very well said. One thing I really like about this site in the short time that I have been here is how the admins make it very clear that the intention of the forum is not a dating site. It encourages people to build meaningful relationships and be active on the site before jumping into the personals. That's not to say people still can't be hurt, but I like to think the majority of us here do take it seriously. 

[Guest DaddysLolita]

I really like this. Well said Missy my Daddy and I take the lifestyle very seriously and would love friends who do too. I couldn't imagine swapping, playing with this, or just not taking it seriously. Thank you for posting <3

[Guest Missy]

Rosie, I sent you a fr. Let's talk!

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

Most of that is cool, but not the "parent " part. He is NOT my parent, or anything even close. I really do not like when anyone makes that reference. He is my daddy, not my father.

[The Perennial Princess]

I don't think any of us really view our "daddy dom" as our literal parent or 'father figure'. I certainly don't. I simply view him as a protector and nurturer whose nurture and provisions surpass what I was given in my childhood. Thus, I often tell him that he is my teacher, my mother, my father, my lover, and my best friend. If any of these facets were eliminated, then our relationship wouldn't be so pure and all-encompassing. A true soul mate will provide you with precisely what you need and stand as a figure who embodies the multi-faceted wants of your heart. Each of us comes from unique backgrounds so those desires and needs will vary on a case by case basis. A daddy dom and a little should complete one another in just the perfect way. 

 

Of course, nurture and care goes both ways. I always work extremely hard to nurture and take care of my papa in ways he prefers such as by writing him notes, taking care of the house, making dinner, etc. I like to think my papa bear relies on me for happiness just as much as I rely on him. We are soul mates because we require the other in order to truly be fulfilled. Now that we have one another, that doesn't mean we receive a free pass in that we can grow lax and cool with our attentions. If anything, because the stakes are so high, we must work harder to care for and love one another in an increasingly busy world. My belief system is simple: I treat my papa bear the way I want to be treated. Although we have different roles we are still reciprocal halves, so, our needs at our core are ultimately the same. I just tend him with the same love that I want to be tended with. I mold him as he molds me and in that way, we evolve together. 

[Guest Missy]

Most of that is cool, but not the "parent " part. He is NOT my parent, or anything even close. I really do not like when anyone makes that reference. He is my daddy, not my father.

Just for clarification, the reference had more to do with caregiving. All care that is devotional and loving can be taxing. People get tired and we all fall short of our roles and expectations our partners have of us. It's just a reminder that Daddies get tired and need attention and care, too. I in no way am inferring that DDlg is any kind of pseudo parent thing.

[cutie_patootie]

Missy; thank you for your insightful and introspective message on a topic that is often either misunderstood or ignored by most people until they are directly affected.  Let me add that this can also occur with Mommies and their littles as I unfortunately experienced myself, albeit only with an online Mommy and from a different site & chat room.  Looking back, which is often easy to do, I should have seen the warning signals and walked away from it but having a Mommy (even just online) was heavenly at times.  I got the attention I needed, I felt loved & appreciated and I could be my infantile self... or so I thought.  We even talked about eventually meeting each other (she's in California and I'm in Ontario), telling our parents about us (not the infantile part) and starting a life together.  When the warning signs began to reveal themselves, I still didn't want to believe them.  She wanted more of a sexual bend to our relationship and at first, I obliged... or at least as much as one can oblige online.  I obliged because I felt that I owed it to her and I didn't want to lose her love but in the end, it wasn't enough.  As time went on, she began to expect more of the sexual side and less & less of being a Mommy to me.  She eventually just stopped messaging me and made herself scarce when I was in the chat room which left me feeling abandoned.  

 

Anyway, I'm sorry to have hijacked your topic... I just want others to know enough to be very careful and not lose their identity as I almost did.  Thank you again Missy for your comments on the serious side of the Caregiver/little relationship.    

[Guest Missy]

Oh, Cutie, I hear you. You are soooo right. This applies to Mommies and littles, too....any caregiver and his/her little. Blessings, friend