When Should She Call You Daddy

[ktownDaddy]

WHEN SHOULD SHE CALL YOU DADDY? 

 

I have been ready a fair amount of posts lately about the term Daddy and when it should be used. (I originally posted this on another side - but after my other post about “What Dominance Means to Me” I thought this was a fitting addition or follow up).

 

I am frequently reading posts about potential Dominants starting conversations as “Daddy” or instructing the submissive to address them as “Daddy” in the first few messages.
 

They begin conversations with orders and requests, feeling they a level of entitlement because they have given themselves the name “ Daddy” and feel fully confident in that role. As someone who takes pride in the title of “Daddy”, who takes pride in the community - I have issue with this. 

 

Imagine this scenario. You are sitting in Starbucks (one of my favourite places to hang out - judge me if you must) and you see a women walk in, that you are attracted to. You watch her order a coffee and sit down, she’s attractive and exhibits submissive tendencies. (Now, if your next question is “what are submissive tendencies” then I think you need to do some homework before becoming fully immersed in this site). 

 

Now walk over to her, take her by the hand and say “hello little girl nice to meet you, I am your Daddy, I will tell you what to do !

 

How do you think you will fair?

 

Probably not so well.

 

This is the approach that many are taking and though some may have the best intentions, it’s truly inappropriate. 

 

Let’s try to imagine the world for a moment from a little girls point of view. I am going to share a beautiful example someone shared with me many years ago. I have changed it somewhat … (poet license allows that) It’s a metaphorical story on how a little girl sees the grown up world - how she (my good friend) saw it.

 

A little girl is all alone standing on the edge of a path, looking into a dark foreboding forest, it’s late at night, it’s cold, dark, rainy and wet. She is frightened, lost and unsure of what to do. Deep into the forest she sees a faint light flickering inside the window of a keep. She calls out “Hello” directing her voice towards that light, asking the keeper of the light for help. 

 

Off in the distance she hears a comforting voice that says “how may I help”? 

 

She calls back, “it’s dark and I am scared”. 

 

The figure off in the darkness moves his hands and pushes the clouds away and says “let me be your light ”.

 

As the clouds are move away and the darkness dissipates, she feels less afraid. The path ahead of her is less foreboding but still unclear.

 

“But, I am still cold and alone” she cries back. 

 

He moves his hands again and storm subsides slowly the rain eventually stops. “Then let me be your warmth” he says showing her the sun. She smiles and feels his warmth. 

 

“Is that better” he asks?

 

“Yes” she responds

 

He waits and a few minutes later he hears her voice again. 

 

“I am confused and lost” she says, “I can’t see where I am going - everything is overwhelming”

 

He moves his hands and the dark trees and obstacles become a green and open field, with a winding path leading to a small brick and mortar keep. 

 

She giggles and says “thank you, now I feel better and I can see the way”. 

 

“My pleasure” he says and again patiently waits.

 

“Who are you” she says, “I can’t see you behind that wall. I don’t know who you are”. 

 

He takes his hands and meticulously removes each brick stacking them in a pile, giving each one a name “fear, doubt, insecurity, anxiety…. so eventually, she can see who he is. 

 

“Thank you” she says, “now I can see you”. 

 

He smiles at her and waits. 

 

“I am still unsure” she says, “I am still a bit frightened”.

 

He takes this as his cue and walks slowly forward, meeting her in the open field. He lays a blanket out for her. He sits on the on the blanket and offers her a place to sit. He opens a large basket and offers to share the contacts inside. Over the next few hours, he feeds her, talks to her and comforts her. 

 

After a period of time, she builds up her confidence and speaks. “This is nice” she says, “where are we”? 

 

“This is my world, this is the big world”, he responds, “would you like me to show you around”? 

 

She nods and agrees, curios to see what his world is all about. 

 

He waits but she sits on the blanket looking at him. He waits and finally she speaks. 

 

“I am still hesitant” she says, “I still do not feel safe”. 

 

He stands and offers his hand and tells her the following.

 

“While you hold my hand, I will look after you, I will protect and cherish you, I will guide you and will give you my word that nothing will cause you are harm”.

 

She takes his hand and says, “your a nice man what shall I call you”?

 

“My name is Sir - but you can me whatever you like. You can call whatever makes you feel comfortable little girl”. 

 

She thinks for a moment about what he’s said, how he’s made her feel and what he’s done for her. She thinks about what he’s promised to do and how that makes her feel safe. She smiles and says “thank you sir, if it’s okay, I would like to call you Daddy” ? 

 

He smiles back and squeezes her little hand.

 

“I would like that ‘little girl’, I would like that very much” he replies, “here, let me show you my world”. 

 

Now, yes it’s a bit of a corny and romantic tale, but remember who the reader is. Remember who you are addressing and how they may see the world. It may not be perfect but it’s a far deal better than full on “Dominance with sexual intentions”. 

 

So in a nutshell and go back to my original question, “When should she call me Daddy” the decision should be hers. Be that amazing man and she won’t want to call you anything else but her Daddy. 

 

I hope you have enjoyed my words and hope in some way they have resonated with you. As always positive feedback is always welcome and I encourage all of you to write and post on the site. Education is vital to understanding what this dynamic is truly about. 

 

“Thank you LG for the stories you shared and how you helped me see the world through different eyes”.

 

As always, thanks for the read. 

 

Drew. 

Edited October 19, 2024 by ktownDaddy

[Kitten&Spice]

First off loved that story!! That was a wonderful interpretation on how many can see life! It also established something that isn’t brought up much but I think is just as important; patience!

 

I have had my fair share of people who rush into things wanting to be called “daddy” and it has always made me feeling used! I am sure it is not the intention but being “asked” to call someone daddy without even knowing them has made me even less trusting! Personally I think it should be something that is cherished and like you mentioned an honor! Overuse of the word takes it’s true meaning and purpose. The perfect timing really depends on the little/sub! I even know some people who prefer to use other names besides daddy/mommy!

 

In its entirety I have never called anyone daddy/mommy! I actually get happy knowing that I have a name hidden and kept for the one who really deserves that title in my eyes!! I know when the time comes I am sure it won’t be something that is expected but rather a name I can smile and take pride in saying!! And I think that applies to when someone finally calls someone daddy/mommy!

[ForeverFluffy]

What a lovely story! I know that more than a few littles on here would love to make that a bedtime story, complete with pictures and homemade book binding for the pages. It could be a CG-L activity!

 

Anywhozzle, after my years of experience, I completely agree with you. The little should decide when they are ready to call their dominant their title. (And ofc all parties should be comfy with said title) When I was younger and felt pressured to call someone Daddy or rushed into the process, it ended in disaster! So when I got together with my primary partner and started exploring, we had a conversation and established boundaries. And as time went on, we readdressed things as needed. We're both switches, so we call each other by a few titles depending on the headspace. 

[ktownDaddy]

Thank you for your kind words they are appreciated. I think the idea of a bedtime story is a great one - I would be flattered if someone took that idea and ran with it.

 

Though the term Daddy is something I love to hear it’s not the be all end all. I also have various nicknames for friends and partners. I think it’s what we all feel most comfortable with.

 

Drew.

[Bumbl3B33]

What a magical story. I myself have only called one man, and one man only "Daddy"  My Daddy is not a Dom but a protector or as he puts it a Keeper. Because he keeps me safe, protected and very loved. But I choose to call him Daddy and it was his choice to take on that *Keeper* role.

The longing to be protected and cherished is powerful motivation to jump into something we wish could be true. But I also believe that the title of Mommy/Daddy should be earned and wanted by the Dominant

[Keke123]

I've never had a c/g before so I wouldn't know what that was like however I have had people just suddenly think they can order me to call them daddy which I find a red flag as they should want to get to know me and I do believe it is earned not required xxx

[lilpincess]

Such a beautiful story!

[beanbean]

To me it whenever they are ready I never try to force it when there ready and comfortable 

[ktownDaddy]

Thanks for the recent - love. I forgot all about this story and thought I would reshare.

Have a great weekend everyone!

D 

[weirdunicorn]

thank you for the parable. It really resonates with me. i have a serious aversion to anyone who expects to be called daddy. however, im completely fine with being inspired to call someone daddy if i feel truly cared for when im with them. 
 

now let me mop myself back. i feel like i got hit with a title wave. 🌊🌊🌊

[Sammykins]

That story was so beautiful and heartwarming! I agree with most of what everyone has said it should come to the little naturally when they are ready to use it. I feel like that is something that shouldn't be rushed and would lose its importance if its used to early or frequently when getting to know new potential partners. I would saying being a daddy, just as being a little, is an honor when in that dynamic and the name and its use should reflect that! 

[ktownDaddy]

Thank you all for the kind words. I agree 100 % with what you said and the importance of such titles aka terms of endearment. We warn littles to be cautious if a (potential Dom) asks to be called Daddy immediately when the relationship starts. A real Dom/Daddy would understand the respect behind the title and not be that brash or foolish. 
 

Even from my perspective, if a little or potential partner is calling me Daddy after a few emails or conversations, I get weirded out. It’s like how many other people have you done this with. I think the exception would be role playing or a kink session but not when you are trying to build a friendship.

It’s the same thing about rules. I am asked do you have rules for me. My response is - I have a general understanding of what I want and ask that you be respectful but until I know you, know what you seek, need and desire, how the F can I give you rules. If I give you rules out of the gate it shows that I haven’t give you the time to get to know you, nor do I truly respect that little girl who is part of you. 
 

It’s a world of instant gratification that we live in - I get it we all want to be cared for and loved, but don’t you want that love and respect to be honest and no to be a stop gap of the flavour of the week. 
 

I have said before that out of all the dynamics in the BDSM spectrum that Dd/lg is the most amazing and the closet bond you will ever have in a power exchange relationship. It’s also the closest to that paternal role that you are going to get - without getting creepy. The impact that you can have, can and should be life changing and thus it should be positive and done with good intentions and respect. 
 

That’s my two bits - for what it’s worth.

Thanks for the read and positive feedback is always welcome.

Much love and have a great weekend everyone.

D.