Any polyamorous caregivers or daddies?

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

So I'm a daddy Dom, a caregiver, a sweetheart, agender AMAB, and experienced in general. I'm also polyamorous. It seems like being poly is radioactive to most littles as nearly all the personals list monogamy as a requirement from a DD or CG.

 

I'm wondering if there are any poly DDs or CGs (or poly littles for that matter) just so I feel less out of place. It sucks to find that even within your super niche kink you're still an outsider because of overlap with neurodivergence and falling outside of amatonormativity.

 

I hope everyone has a great day!

[Fuego]

I strongly recommend, when starting a new relationship that you focus your energy on one partner and build a strong relationship from there, before you interject the complexities of mulitiple partners right away.

 

Sure, lots of Doms want a harum full of littles but it's not always very realistic unless you have built deep trust, communication and understanding.

 

If you insist on poly from the start you're just limiting the amount of people who are willing to be in a relationship with you, sure it can be done, it will just take longer than you may like.

 

Hope this helps in some way.

[Little kaiya]

My Daddy, Wife and I are polyamorous and have all been together for almost 5 years. I'll be honest, most of the ads we've seen from littles are actually people seeking polyamorous relationships versus the other way around.

[PapabearNYC]

I strongly recommend, when starting a new relationship that you focus your energy on one partner and build a strong relationship from there, before you interject the complexities of mulitiple partners right away.

 

Sure, lots of Doms want a harum full of littles but it's not always very realistic unless you have built deep trust, communication and understanding.

 

If you insist on poly from the start you're just limiting the amount of people who are willing to be in a relationship with you, sure it can be done, it will just take longer than you may like.

 

Hope this helps in some way.

 

 

I have to, respectfully, disagree with this.  

 

Starting a new relationship should still fall within your normal relationship dynamic. Someone who is polyamorous shouldn’t change to monogamy for a brief period for a new relationship.  It sets false expectations.  

 

Besides, that wouldn’t even be possible except for a 1st relationship.  What if both people are already in polyamorous relationships?  I don’t think they should put their current partners on hold while fostering the new relationship.

 

Doms wanting a harem of littles is not really the standard of polyamorous relationships.  That’s more the stereotype that monohamous people think.  

 

I am a DD and I have been in a polyamorous relationship with by babygirl for over 4 years, and for most of that time, she was the one who had other partners while I did not.

 

I will add that part of our relationship agreement is that she is my only babygirl.  I can have other partners and other littles but no other babygirl.  

 

The important thing is to be upfront about who you are right from the start.  Nothing is worse than starting to get involved with someone and then finding out that you are incompatible because one of you is polyamorous and one of you wants to be monogamous.

Edited March 25, 2022 by PapabearNYC

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

I strongly recommend, when starting a new relationship that you focus your energy on one partner and build a strong relationship from there, before you interject the complexities of mulitiple partners right away.

Sure, lots of Doms want a harum full of littles but it's not always very realistic unless you have built deep trust, communication and understanding.

If you insist on poly from the start you're just limiting the amount of people who are willing to be in a relationship with you, sure it can be done, it will just take longer than you may like.

Hope this helps in some way.

1. I already have a partner I've been with for 16 years. So that ship sailed.

2. You're assuming polyamory is a choice. You wouldn't tell a gay person to start off with a straight relationship and solidify it, then have a gay one. Similarly, ANY relationship I'm in is inherently polyamorous because I'm polyamorous.

 

So no, this wasn't helpful, it was judgmental. Probably you didn't intend to be judgmental though so I'm not upset with you or anything, just trying to explain why it was not helpful. Thanks for your two cents though. But this is why I asked if anyone was poly: I was hoping for takes from poly people rather than lectures from monogamous folks.

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

My Daddy, Wife and I are polyamorous and have all been together for almost 5 years. I'll be honest, most of the ads we've seen from littles are actually people seeking polyamorous relationships versus the other way around.

Fair enough, I guess I need to spend more time reading personals. I've had mine posted for some time and have not had many hits despite bumping it regularly so perhaps I need to massage my ad to be more appealing/less intimidating. Damned Scorpio rising intensity always nails me.

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

I have to, respectfully, disagree with this.  

 

Starting a new relationship should still fall within your normal relationship dynamic. Someone who is polyamorous shouldn’t change to monogamy for a brief period for a new relationship.  It sets false expectations.  

 

Besides, that wouldn’t even be possible except for a 1st relationship.  What if both people are already in polyamorous relationships?  I don’t think they should put their current partners on hold while fostering the new relationship.

 

Doms wanting a harem of littles is not really the standard of polyamorous relationships.  That’s more the stereotype that monohamous people think.  

 

I am a DD and I have been in a polyamorous relationship with by babygirl for over 4 years, and for most of that time, she was the one who had other partners while I did not.

 

I will add that part of our relationship agreement is that she is my only babygirl.  I can have other partners and other littles but no other babygirl.  

 

The important thing is to be upfront about who you are right from the start.  Nothing is worse than starting to get involved with someone and then finding out that you are incompatible because one of you is polyamorous and one of you wants to be monogamous.

Thank you. I feel seen and validated by this comment. Bless you.

[Fuego]

1. I already have a partner I've been with for 16 years. So that ship sailed.

2. You're assuming polyamory is a choice. You wouldn't tell a gay person to start off with a straight relationship and solidify it, then have a gay one. Similarly, ANY relationship I'm in is inherently polyamorous because I'm polyamorous.

So no, this wasn't helpful, it was judgmental. Probably you didn't intend to be judgmental though so I'm not upset with you or anything, just trying to explain why it was not helpful. Thanks for your two cents though. But this is why I asked if anyone was poly: I was hoping for takes from poly people rather than lectures from monogamous folks.

I offered genuine perspective where it's clear what you are looking for is validation. Hopefully you're not this immature in your relationships, despite your snark I do wish you the best in your search

[PapabearNYC]

I offered genuine perspective where it's clear what you are looking for is validation. Hopefully you're not this immature in your relationships, despite your snark I do wish you the best in your search

 

The original poster asked if there were other polyamorous people in the Caregive-little lifestyle. Yes.  They were looking for validation.  They literally said that. 

"I'm wondering if there are any poly DDs or CGs (or poly littles for that matter) just so I feel less out of place."

 

Your response basically amounted to telling them they should either try monogamy or even worse, pretend monogamy until after being involved with someone. 

 

They replied to you, very politely actually, that though they didn't take offense at what you said, it was actually offensive and they offered advice how you can avoid that in the future.

 

There was nothing immature nor snarky about their reply.   Yours on the other hand was completely out of line.

[Kai the Human]

I've seen quite a few poly relationships within the CG/L community, you're definitely not alone. And I'm poly too!

[ForeverFluffy]

My spouse and I are polyamorous and only want to date someone together. We’re so happy together. It would be nice to have an additional partner, but we want that partner to be our friend first because we’re both demi-romantic. (We only develop romantic feelings for people we trust) While we do not have a ddlg dynamic, it is something I thoroughly enjoy.

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

I offered genuine perspective where it's clear what you are looking for is validation. Hopefully you're not this immature in your relationships, despite your snark I do wish you the best in your search

I have given a well reasoned analysis of why I believe your initial comment was unwarranted and not relevant to what I asked for. If being level headed and rational in one's analysis of forum posts is immature, then yes, I am most assuredly "this immature in [my] relationships," and I happily welcome all you other "immature" poly folks to join in a big gay poly parade with me!

 

I hope your proctologist is able to prescribe you something for that raging case of butthurt you've got, because I didn't do anything to you other than explain why your initial comment was harmful and unwelcome. So if you want to turn around and kick me when I am already the OP in a thread about how I'm feeling down and rather excluded from the community, that's kind of a crappy thing to do, my guy. Maybe consider a new policy of *not* doing the crappy thing. Probably you've had a rough week or whatever. Lord knows the last two years have been a LONG 10 years, so I get it. But I'm not the person to fuck about with, mate. So please, desist. I implore you with peace in my heart.

[Submommy]

I wanna join the parade! Daddy and I both have spouses and a tertiary partner. Our little is navigating the existing dynamic. It's really, really challenging.

[PapabearNYC]

On my way to a family weekend away. Me, my babygirl, her other partner and his Mommy (my babygirl is his Daddy). (Plus some other friends)

 

Should be a very interesting polyam DDlg experience. Can’t wait.

[junebug0325]

My Daddy and I are looking to add another to our family! 

 

I have to be honest, I have never had experience being poly as Daddy is my first and only Daddy I've ever had. Along with that, coming from a very strict Catholic household, I've had to overcome a lifetime's worth of religious bias and everything like that, so it's quite new to me.

 

My Daddy and I made the choice in our relationship to focus on each other before adding another to our relationship. That was a choice that we made because we were dealing with quite a few life changes at the time, including sickness, familial responsibilities, and death. But I encourage anyone else reading this to do what makes them happy - not every relationship is going to be the same and they should not be treated as such.

 

I digress, but I just wanted to say thanks for posting this. It's great that there is a community where you can find others with similar interests as you!

 

 

 

 

Junebug x.

[Munchlax Middle]

I am a polyamorous middle with little tendencies. I've had a long distance relationship with my Daddy for over a year now and a relationship with my kitten for over a decade. I'm VERY happy with my current situation, although my Daddy and I are currently working on the long distance factor. I'm mostly posting here to let you know that non-monogamous littles and middles DO exist, and we appreciate polyamorous DDs and CGs sooooooooooo much.

 

When I realized I was polyamorous, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to have a close relationship with a DD because of it. Researching the DD/lg community made me realize that there are definitely polyamorous DDs and CGs out there, which also made me realize I was wrong. I know the polyamory community can feel small and isolated at times, especially within the ever-so-niche DD/lg community, but there are more of us out there than many people realize.

 

I hope you find someone else who's open to/into polyamory!

[PapabearNYC]

My Daddy and I are looking to add another to our family! 

 

 

I would advise great caution here.  It's a very loaded thing to look for a relationship.  I find it works better to simply look for people to meet and socialize with and be open to the possibility of a relationship if you do find someone you connect with.  But looking to add someone to the family puts a lot of pressure on when you meet someone.  Pressure on you, on them and on the situation.

[Little kaiya]

I tend to agree. Most of the longterm, successful polyamorous relationships I've seen developed organically versus people setting out to find an additional partner or partners. In not saying that won't ever work but trying to "make it happen" can create a lot of stress.

[junebug0325]

I would advise great caution here.  It's a very loaded thing to look for a relationship.  I find it works better to simply look for people to meet and socialize with and be open to the possibility of a relationship if you do find someone you connect with.  But looking to add someone to the family puts a lot of pressure on when you meet someone.  Pressure on you, on them and on the situation.

 

Thank you for your advice, however, it was unsolicited. I was not looking for advice on my situation, especially because you just assumed based on one sentence that I wasn't doing it organically. 

 

 

I have always been one to look for friends and others in the community, as I think that is the most important for many reasons. That will continue to be my utmost concern as I think friendship and support in such a community is super important. 

 

When I said, "we are looking" it was more so a, "we would be open to a person joining us if we find the right person", but that is more lengthy in terms of wording, which is why I decided not to write it that way.

 

 

 

 

 

Junebug x.

[PapabearNYC]

Thank you for your advice, however, it was unsolicited. I was not looking for advice on my situation, especially because you just assumed based on one sentence that I wasn't doing it organically. 

 

 

You are right.  So often I see couples that are "unicorn hunting" and I bounced off the sentence about looking to add to your family. I should not have made such an assumption.  I meant no offense and I hope you will accept my deepest apology.

[junebug0325]

You are right.  So often I see couples that are "unicorn hunting" and I bounced off the sentence about looking to add to your family. I should not have made such an assumption.  I meant no offense and I hope you will accept my deepest apology.

 

No worries at all. I know you only had good intentions! No hard feelings there.

 

Thanks for your apology, I greatly appreciate it.

 

 

 

Junebug x.