New and looking for advise

[Tinkerbelle67]

Hi I'm new to all this and nervous as hell. I've known I'm a sub for years and had a dom a while ago that honestly needs to be locked up I should not have learned from him. But Ive been realizing lately that I might identify with this side of things. I don't really understand it all and I've tried doing research but I'm always left feeling like nothing is really answered. I don't really get the categories of subs and was hoping for some clarification. I've been looking for a daddy for years but I'm realizing that I need to figure myself out first. Hoping some of yall can help

[Accountable Daddy]

Hello and welcome! First off, don't feel bad about being nervous. We were all new to this and other things and it's not unusual to feel overwhelmed. And second, no matter what anyone tells you, there isn't a one-size-fits-all to how DDlg or other relationships work. Lots of overlap, but say one person likes pacifiers and diapers while another only likes pacifiers while another likes neither and only likes DDlg because they like to lay down on the floor and color.

 

From there I'd also point out that DDlg is much like most any BDSM relationship and traditional relationships. In that there's a power exchange. And really it's just a matter of what flavor you want in the power exchange. So you MIGHT not identify in being a little as much as just being a sub or just wanting to be a housewife or some other interest. But again there's no wrong answer when it comes to how it works, as long as it works for you. What it ultimately boils down to is as a sub/little/etc, you're looking for a man (assuming you're straight) who will take control. Now that could be just in the bedroom, like many kinks have, or it could be daily life, like in a trad relationship or things like TPE (total power exchange) or 24/7 lifestyles. The focus in a DDlg is...I feel like someone is going to correct me when saying this, but it's about age play. This can be sexual or not, in the bedroom or not, 24/7 or only certain times. But it comes down to you want to feel like you're significantly younger (and again that has a wide range of options to specifically what age you want to feel, and can shift around, or not even be specific at any time) and that he's going to take care of you like you're that age. Usually. 

 

So in the end the question comes back at you. What do YOU want out of this? And just about any answer to that is going to fit in just fine.

[SmolAetherr]

Hi there, Switch here ( someone who is both dominant and submissive at different time or at will)

 

i've been involved in bdsm for 5 years now, its safe to say i have picked up a thing or two.

 

 maybe you can start with some question you have?

[Tinkerbelle67]

I'm not really sure how to reply to you but @accountabledaddy thank you I think that was the most clear way I've seen it. My first dom told me I wasn't aloud to be little and said I wasn't so I convinced myself for a long time he was right but he wasn't. But I did have someone tell me that if I'm a little I won't have a daddy that will be into harder play and I don't know if thats true or just true a lot of the time. How do I even tell a dom that thats what I'm looking for with out them getting mad?

[shadowrider]

I'm not really sure how to reply to you but @accountabledaddy thank you I think that was the most clear way I've seen it. My first dom told me I wasn't aloud to be little and said I wasn't so I convinced myself for a long time he was right but he wasn't. But I did have someone tell me that if I'm a little I won't have a daddy that will be into harder play and I don't know if thats true or just true a lot of the time. How do I even tell a dom that thats what I'm looking for with out them getting mad?

I'll try and keep this short and sweet but I'm sure will fail.

 Anyone that tells you that you are not "allowed" to experience something you want to such as being a little is not someone I would keep in my life. You are free to be whoever you want to be in this life. That is why we have so many different groups and sub groups. If you want to be a little, be one. If you want to be a furry by all means be one. Wanna get tied and spanked, go for it. Wanna be the one doing the spanking, have at it. This is your life and no one, "Dom" or otherwise should try to restrict your seeking happiness.

 As for being a little and having a "hard" Dom. Yes you can. I know littles that have softer Doms and some that are considered hard by my standards. Again, it's your life. Simply explain clearly what you are seeking to anyone you are considering as a partner. They will either be down for it or they won't. If not, move on. 

 The key to any relationship is communication. Discuss everything you feel you are open to trying and let them give you their list. Compare notes, discuss hard and soft limits. But talk, talk, talk, also do not rush, you have your whole life to find the perfect partner. 

 If someone gets mad at you for saying what you want or need from a relationship, RUN. It's that simple RUN.

[Tinkerbelle67]

I'm going to cry thank you so much. I've never felt like I could talk about this stuff even within the community