Some advice please...

[Daddy_Joe]

Hi all, so a few months ago I started chatting to a little who as it turned out lived very close to me. We developed a strong bond and had met a few times and got really close. It was always a bit difficult as she has an abusive ex who was still contacting her so we had to be a bit careful but the main issue was her son who for various reasons has gone off the rails and is causing her a huge amount of problems. We were doing ok but hadn't seen each other for a while as she had her kids for a week, went away for a week and then when she got back things with her son had taken a turn for the worse and she has been forced to make arrangements for him to go and stay with family to try and keep him out of trouble. Understandably this made her a bit distant as she was overwhelmed by all this. After the weekend she took her son away she messaged me ending it saying she had too much on her plate. I said I was disappointed but accepted it which she thanked me for and then a few days later I messaged her saying I wished she wouldn't push me away and that I wanted to help but she didn't reply. I've since been going out of my mind trying to work out what, if anything I should do.

I deleted her on FB thinking it would help me move on but now I feel worse and wish I hadn't. I know she has strong feelings for me, and I've come to realise I love her.

So the question is do I tell her and risk pushing her away all together, or just give her space and hope she comes back to me? I can't help feeling she will see my deleting her as rejection on my part and she won't contact me even if she wants to. This is too important to get wrong again. Please help...

[SmolAetherr]

i would just tell her how you feel, if you want to wait for her, let her know that and give her time if she asks about facebook literally just tell her what you told us "i thought it would help and i regret doing it in hindsight"

 

emphasize that you dont want to contribute complications to her life but you are serious and feel its worth waiting, but be sure she understand that there is no expected timeframe or even the expectation she will reach out just that you want to leave the door open and she can pick when to go through

 

obv you have to be true to your heart and respectful in how you speak to her, it seems to me like a friend is what she wants

Edited February 18, 2022 by SmolAetherr

[DaddyDomination]

Even if hearing the truth appears it doesn't help the situation it's always better than lying. Lying takes too much effort better spent elsewhere. I've deleted people I care for and regret it. 

 

One thing I noticed though since it takes a lot to get Me to the point of deleting someone I have feelings for. It's almost Never worth it to take them back once I've deleted them. I use the same criteria for deleting people I know online or in real life. Either live up to the definition of friend or good luck in your life without Me in it. 

[BrassyBabyGirl]

Hello, I just wanted to give one little's opinion on this. I have bolded your points.

 

1) as she was overwhelmed by all this

When I am overwhelmed, I run tooooooo my Daddy not away from him. I am not saying there are not times I need space (work, mental health issues full-time college)  so I tell him, not break up with him. He is aware I need space but at the same time, he is my constant anchor and support. That is what you deserve. Period. Life will always be in the process of happening. I do not know her or you but it seems she needs to really do some life work to get to where she needs to be to even be in such an intense and intimate dynamic (or a relationship at all). That's not putting her down, I have had to do work on my own for yearssssssssss before this type of relationship and still have to do work to stay healthy. She also knows it...that is why she ended it.

 

2) It was always a bit difficult as she has an abusive ex who was still contacting her so we had to be a bit careful

I have been in abusive relationships and understand the caution. Yet my spidy senses wonder if she is completely done with this guy (mentally, spiritually). The contact may be fully on his end but it seems she is still allowing him to exert some sort of control over her life. How is he contacting her? By phone? Ummm why can he do that? Through family and friends? Um why can't she have the boundaries to let them know not to tell her shiznizle coming from him? Email? Facebook? Why isn't he blocked? Just saying......Even if he is the father of the child...police station drop off and pick-ups. P.S these are rhetorical questions..I am not asking for clarification. Honestly to me, they would just look like excuses to me. Abuse is serious and if it is like he is sneaking around her windows and following her, relocation through DV resources is needed...not dating.

 

3) I know she has strong feelings for me, and I've come to realise I love her.

If I had a dollar for people I love but know I have to love from afar....I would have a bigger stuffie collection. Sadly feelings of love are no way an indicator that a relationship is healthy and conducive to your own growth.

 

So in summation, I am a brat and feel you should say deuces sweetie. You were willing to be there for her and she rejected that. I would not add her back as a friend to keep my own mental health strong. I would maybe email my feelings or text and leave it at that. You either (A) dodged a bullet if she does want to be with you and that's how she acts. We all go through heavy stuff yet do not go around breaking up with people because of it. If that is the mental tool in her toolbox, her coping skill, expect it to happen all the time. Or It B., seems she did what she thought she needed to and let her do it. She wants being your little over with and it is what it is. Let her see what your absence brings and if it is what she does not want she can contact you back through another avenue other than Facebook.

 

I would want my Daddy to be strong and let me suffer the consequence of my choices even if it hurts him or someone I broke up with to respect that. I would not want Him to be wishy washy blocked on fb...back on fb.....I would though want Him to send me his feelings in a closure email (respecting that I ended it) and a way to respond (the email or text idea). But it looks like she does not want you for a Daddy because that is NOT how to treat one if you want to be with them. You deserve better if that is the case. Too many sweet littles out there orphaned waiting to love and cherish their new Daddy while He is out there trying to pursue one that is obviously moving on.

 

On behalf of your possible new little you have yet to meet.....don't be that guy...................

Edited February 21, 2022 by BrassyBabyGirl