Needing Advice

[gkempf8]

Sorry if this post is me ranting on about lots of different things, but I am having issues with my daddy and I have no one else to talk to about this stuff and I really need some guidance. Me and my daddy have been together for a year and a half, soon to be two years. When we first started dating he was a completely different guy. He was caring, affectionate, and had all the other traits I desired in a daddy, everything was perfect and I was genuinely happy. It was close to a year into our relationship that he asked me to move in with him and I did. Things were a little rocky in the beginning because his brother also lived with us and it led to a lot of fighting between us because me and his brother did not get along. His brother was very mean to me and my daddy never truly stood up for me when his brother was being mean, so it led to my trust being broken. But his brother ended up moving out and I thought things would be so much better because we would be able to have a full ddlg relationship without having to be secretive of it because of his brother. This is where some problems started. When me and my daddy first met, he was just a daddy, never really had a little side. It wasn't until I moved in with him that he expressed his interest in wanting to having some little time. I said sure, I didn't mind and didn't want to hold him back from expressing what he was feeling, so I acted more of the caregiver when he was in little space and did lots of stuff for him, such as bath time, reading to him, watching Disney movies he picked out, put him in diapers, etc. Yet when he was in this little space, my little side vanished I wasnt able to be little while he was little, I dont know why, it just never felt right. Anyways, he continued being more little while I wasnt having little time anymore, which upset me but I wanted him to be happy. Fast forward a couple of months, he quit acting like a daddy. Im the only one that does the housework, takes care of all the animals we have, and cooks. This stress of him not helping out at all led to me kind of resenting him tbh. I didn't want that for our relationship and sat down and told him how I felt. He said he would try and help out more, and he did for like two weeks then it went back to him doing nothing unless I pester him about it. I am frustrated he doesn't help out, but if he acknowledged all I do around here and praised me for it, I'd be a little happier, but he won't even do that. He just kind of ignores it. I talked to him again about how I was feeling and mentioned how he hasn't been a daddy to me lately, that he's completely different than how he used to be when we first met. He said sorry that he's depressed. Which I get, and I feel sorry for him that he's depressed and I wish I could do something about it, but it doesn't mean that I don't deserve love right? Another issue is that we never have sex anymore. Like we haven't had sex for months. I have a very high sex drive and would be more than happy to have sex several times a week, but he doesn't want to do it, he's not in the mood. I have tried to respect how he's feeling but when he wants sex he won't put any effort into it. He'll just reach over and immediately start touching my privates. Like that's nice but come on, we haven't had sex in months and that's the best you can do? He used to try during sex, like we would do different things like edging, rope play, different positions, toys, etc. Now he won't do any of that. He'll touch my parts, ask for a bj, then stick it in, quickly fuck me till he cums and thats it. How am I supposed to get any pleasure from that??? I've tried to talk to him about this and he just gets mad and says I'm trying to hurt his feelings. I'm not trying to do that, I just want to enjoy sex like I used to. I have all these fantasy sex scenes I would love to experience, and I've told him about them, and he'll say yeah that sounds fun but won't do them to me. He won't randomly do anything to me unless I ask, which kind of ruins the moment for me if I have to ask for all this stuff to happen. I've told him to surprise me with stuff but he won't. An example of one thing I would love to experience is a creampie, I have always wanted one and just think it would be so nice feeling that close to my daddy, yet he's terrified of me getting pregnant. I have an IUD and promised I would take plan B immediately after sex, could we please have sex without a condom just once. He won't budge on it. How's it fair that I try and do all this stuff for him sexually, like BJ's, buying lingerie, teasing him, and he can't even do one thing for me? Like am I in the wrong for asking for sex without a condom? Another thing that's upsetting me is before we started dating and were getting to know each other and talking about what we want in a relationship, I said I would love to get married and have kids in the future and he told me he's always wanted that too. Here we are, close to two years and nothing. He says he wants to have kids with me and get married, yet he completely avoids it. I try and ask if he still wants to marry me and have kids, and that I'm not trying to rush him I'm just curious he says yeah I want to, just not right now. I'm trying to be patient yet he won't do anything regarding those two things. If I'm in the store and I happen to walk past a really cute baby onesie, I'll say isn't this cute, and he'll say sure, but don't get any ideas, we're not having kids yet. I told him that I didn't mean it that way, it was just a cute onesie is all. There was another time that we were in the mall and they were having a sale on engagement rings and I was just curious and asked if we could just look, he said sure,we went and looked but there wasn't anything there that fit my simple style, so we left and he said well that store didn't have much and that he'll take me to a different store to look at rings. This was months ago, and he still hasn't taken me to, just completely ignores the fact that he said he would take me. I know what ur thinking, well ur rushing things and maybe he just needs a little more time. Here's why I'm irritated, when we first started dating he told me about his little before me. That they were together a year and she ended up cheating on him, and this really hurt him because he was planning to propose to her around the time she cheated on him. Ok I get that's something that really hurts someone. But this happened to him years before he met me. He was going to propose to his ex only after a year of knowing her, and I can't even get him to take me to a ring shop, and I will have been with him for close to two years, live with him, let him express his little side, lived with his horrible brother for six months, met his very judgemental family that wasn't nice to me and don't like me yet I put a smile on my face and spent time with them for him. When I talked to him about how this made me felt all he had to say was that he was still hurt from his ex and he needs time. This was years ago!!!!! I told him have you thought about talking to a counselor? And he says well I can't afford it. He can't afford a counselor yet can spend lots of money on his play station and Xbox. I know this was a lot of rambling on about things. I don't know if anyone can help me, but I would love some advice on what I should do.

[CollateralBeauty]

My advice would be to sit down with him and talk about what you are both wanting from the relationship right now. The expectations you may have had at the beginning of the relationship may have shifted, especially if he is taking on the role of a Little now instead of a Daddy. That would be perfectly fine, if you were also okay with switching roles. But it sounds like that is not what you were wanting from the relationship. If it helps. you could make a list of all of the things that you want to discuss with him, just to make sure you do not forget to talk about something specific. 

 

From what you have shared, he has some things that he needs to work on. As much as we sometimes wish we could help, it is ultimately their choice to fix what is broken in their lives. If he is depressed, he needs to figure out a way to cope with that. If he is still having commitment issues because of his previous relationship, then that is something that he needs to work on. You can certainly be a support system for him while he is going through the motions, but you will not be able to make the changes for him. He has to be willing to put in the effort. 

 

If you ever need someone to talk to about all of that, please feel free to friend me and message me. I do not feel as though I am very good at giving advice, but I am a good listener and can offer you some support. 

[Vampiress]

I wish I could give you advice but I think you've done literally everything you can... it seems you have tried plenty of times to communicate your wants and needs and tried to compromise. You've bent over backwards to try to make him happy. He isn't over his ex and won't do for you the things he'd do for her. All I can really say is now to put yourself first because all he does is put himself first. Are you willing to keep wasting time on this man if he doesn't change his ways and try to do better in making you happy, too? How long can you keep waiting? Or would you rather move on with your life and try to find what you really need with someone else who will compromise, make your needs a priority, and would happily marry you and have kids at the appropriate time? I know you care about this guy, but don't let him waste your time and force you to put your life on hold because he's hung up on the past and only cares about himself.  You deserve SO MUCH MORE! Time is a precious commodity that we can never get back, choose wisely how you spend it.

[Alaskan Daddy]

based on everything you have said, your daddy has shown you who really his right now in his life. It does not make him a bad person; I feel he really tried to be the daddy you desired in the beginning. His personal struggles have made it very hard for him to be the daddy you desire. I don't see things changing anytime soon. I feel you have done everything you can do to make things not so one sided. I feel you have two choices. One is to wait it out and see if things get better. The other is to read your posting and I feel you will see what the best choice for you is.

There is nothing wrong if you decide to leave. It just means you and your daddy are not compatible for the relationship to work for both of you.

I wish you the best of luck.

[gkempf8]

I just want to say thank you for all the advice and support you have given me. I really appreciate it. I took your advice and have made a decision on what I'm gonna do. I just have to be brave enough to do it. Thank you all so much again.

[PapaGrayWolf]

Moving on is sometimes the hardest thing we have to do, but also the most necessary.

 

You seem intelligent and knowing of whet you want.  If you do move on take your time when meeting a new Daddy. 

 

Good luck to you in all that you do and whatever that may be.

[MasterPhotog]

I fully agree with Vampiress. 

 

Even though you missed more than a few red flags, however I hope that you would agree that your 'Daddy' has been taking you for granted and it seems he doesn't plan to change anytime soon.

 

Sorry but I'm going to be straight to the point, as I see it, here are your choices: 

1. Talk to him again, however continue to expect more of the same.

2. Learn from your experience, move on and don't look back. 

 

Best wishes going forward.