What am I supposed to do?

[Guest ~LittleStarLight~]

Just posting for a bit of advice…my Daddy messaged me and told me that he thinks he is going to start talking to other people. Says he loves me still and wants to still talk. He said it so casual like it wasn’t a big deal or wouldn’t hurt…I don’t think he intentionally hurt me but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I don’t know what to think…

[Little kaiya]

What were the relationship parameters you had in place? Were you in a closed relationship where it was just between the two of you? Is the relationship strictly Ddlg or is it also romantic/emotionally intimate?

 

Depending on the structure of your relationship his actions are either out of line if him talking to other people was not negotiated or his choice if it was allowed.

 

It kind of sucks but without knowing more it's hard to give any advice or perspective.

[Guest ~LittleStarLight~]

We were in a monogamous relationship. Very intimate and romantic with each other, it definitely wasn’t just ddlg. I guess he has just decided that he wants it open or he is leaving? I’m not sure. He knows I am possessive and so is he so it’s weird but I just feel like I don’t have much of a choice at this point. Thanks for reaching out Kaiya.

[SmolAetherr]

Talking to other people could mean he just wants other friends, i dont think i would assume he wants to open things based on that.. if he wants other friends i dont see an issue that is if that is all he wants

[Guest ~LittleStarLight~]

He didn’t mean just as friends. I did ask him to clarify that part. Thank you for trying.

[Little kaiya]

As the relationship is closed it is pretty ignorant and arrogant, in my opinion, of him to just unilaterally decide to change the relationship dynamic. I remember approaching my Wife when my now Daddy/boyfriend asked if I wanted to date. In no way would I ever have said yes without her consent.

 

If he has decided he us going to talk and look for relationship ms with other people without your consent that's pretty disrespectful in my mind. If you aren't comfortable with an open relationship then please don't force yourself to settle for that just to make him happy. Just as he deserves to be happy you deserve the same.

 

It sounds like the two of you may need to have a conversation to determine if your needs are still aligned and if not then what next step best respects BOTH of you, not just him. Don't settle for just anyone or you risk not finding or being free to find the right one.

[~LittleVixen~]

Oh my! (((hugs))) I agree with whoever said that this was a horrible way for him to approach you about opening your relationship. Do you think an open relationship is something you can handle? 

 

I would first go to him and tell him how upset and scared you are. He needs to know your fears and that he hurt you. And then you need to have a conversation about your relationship and what you are comfortable with.

 

Honestly, I'm mad for you. What a crappy way to communicate!

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

If he has decided he is poly, he has done it in an abrupt and shitty way in my opinion, if you'll pardon my saying so bluntly. So this leaves you with two options basically: 1. Accept that he is poly and move on to someone who will be monogamous with you

2. Accept that he is poly and try to adapt but all him to explain why he was so abrupt and tell him that was hurtful and inconsiderate and you aren't sure you can maintain a vulnerable dynamic with him because of his behavior

 

Based on how he responds to 2, you either achieve a new normal or revert to 1. Nothing else you really can do in a situation like this. I know from trying for 3 years to make a monogamous person happy with me despite me being poly and them knowing about it from day 1 that there is just no satisfying a mono person with anything other than reciprocal mono which is smothering to me. So I imagine the converse is true, that you'll feel smothered by his poly. 0/10 points for daddy here though in my opinion. Boo this man!

Edited January 25, 2022 by DeadStarsStillBurn

[DaddyDomination]

Sometimes the best thing, is to let people happen to someone else. It's always more Intense in D/s DDlg when it comes to break ups. Good luck no matter what you decide. Remember you have as much right to be happy as he does. 

[Guest ~LittleStarLight~]

As an update for everyone, we did talk it out and I just jumped to conclusions a bit too fast. It has been a hectic month and I’ve been a bit absent from him and I think I put off the impression I wasn’t serious about our relationship anymore. I can understand that and once I let him really talk to me, we got it settled and are working on things. He is a really great Daddy and I didn’t mean to make him seem less than that. Thank you for everyone who responded though, it is great to be able to lean on a community and seek help when needed. I apologize though for my misinterpretation.

[~LittleVixen~]

I am so relieved for you! 

 

As an update for everyone, we did talk it out and I just jumped to conclusions a bit too fast. It has been a hectic month and I’ve been a bit absent from him and I think I put off the impression I wasn’t serious about our relationship anymore. I can understand that and once I let him really talk to me, we got it settled and are working on things. He is a really great Daddy and I didn’t mean to make him seem less than that. Thank you for everyone who responded though, it is great to be able to lean on a community and seek help when needed. I apologize though for my misinterpretation.