Being your own CG?

[Guest peach.doll]

Hello ^^

 

I'm not entirely sure how would be best to write my thoughts down other than letting them sort of stream out of me, so I'm sorry if this is jarring or muddled to read. 

 

I have been with my partner for a while now, and after some initial anxiety and consideration, I don't think that he can provide me with the care that I need from a CG. 

My fundamental response to issues within a relationship is always communication. When I first realised that it was more of an issue than just a fleeting thought, I did acknowledge that this could be due to my own selfish needs rather than a joint problem that concerns both of us, but the worry built up in my head, and I knew I needed to talk to him. 

 

I know my partner's schedule, and I know that he is a busy man. His job comes first, and I am actively trying to make peace with that fact. I tentatively made my feelings known about three weeks ago, and the conversation was definitely opened and closed that night. I explained that we rarely had time to engage in CG/L behaviours, and when we did it was always before bedtime, so it felt rushed to me.

Sort of like finally shedding my adult skin and settling into my little self, only to have to shove my adult skin back on, half-asleep and dazed.

My CG reiterated that he is nearly always stressed before bed, and whilst he insists that caring for me is theraputic, he needs support from my adult side far more than my little side. I knew this before we talked, and the guilt is still eating away at me. 

 

We discussed the idea of a platonic caregiver, but neither of us felt as though it was right. I struggle to develop and maintain relationships with anyone, let alone someone that I would need to trust so deeply. 

 

This leads me to the following question: are there any littles out there who sort of... care for themselves utilising techniques that a CG would? Or are CG-less littles by nature?  Admittedly, I'm really struggling to regress into my little self on my own. Due to trauma, it's a coping mechanism for me, and whilst typically I view being a little as a core part of who I am with such positive emphasis, I find myself wishing that I wasn't a little because I hate making my partner feel inadequate.

 

Any advice whatsoever would be whole-heartedly appreciated. 

[Satan]

Short answer is yes. You can be your own caregiver.

Ddlg can be literally whatever you want it to be. There is no right way to do it.

Honestly if your partner is not up to what you feel you need as a caregiver they will have to either step up or get over it. And you realize they can't be that for you and you will need to let go of that guilt as well.

lot of littles find themselves in this situation and struggle on what to do.

I think the process of being your own caregiver is similar to starting a new dynamic with a caregiver.

You "discuss" what you need as a little.

Are you having issues remembering to do things? Do you need rules ? You can make your own rules. You can have your own rewards and punishments too.

Is it just you needing to relax? Set aside time to have YOU time. Pick out things that help you feel little. Coloring , movies , playing with stuffies. Whatever it is that makes your little self feel comfy.

 

I hope that helps

Edited November 17, 2021 by Satan

[clumsy_little]

I just realized I'm having the same problem, the difference is it felt less CG and more like babysitter. Nighttime is the worst since I'm always in the fear of someone walking in on me while I'm in little space. 

[TwistedColors]

Yes, absolutely! For me i picked a fictional character I thought would be a good caregiver and i pretend they're giving advice & such and while it's not perfect its much easier than what i was doing before, namely trying by myself and then feeling rotten coz I was alone lmao so yeah, its possible

[Guest Sweetielynn]

I'm basically my own caregiver. Maybe it helps that I have a middlespace and a littlespace. I can get into middlespace easily. Littlespace is a little tougher though, but I'm learning what works. I have nights that I designate for littlespace time and sometimes it works, sometimes I just end up in middlespace and that's OK. I write to myself in my journal sometimes with affirmations that I can go back and read when I'm in littlespace.

[RavenclawPrincess]

Being an independent little is totally doable! You can set rules/goals for yourself as you see fit and all that jazz, there's even apps for it if that's something you need. Having friends in the community can go a really long way too. Having smol friends to play with and Caregiver friends to hang out/help you as needed can help a lot, so even if you don't have a Caregiver and you're responsible for yourself there's still ways to not be 100% alone. 

 

If you decide to try out taking care of yourself, welcome to the feral littles club! We don't worry about getting rabies shots or pleasing anyone but ourselves 

[Guest Dove]

CG-less little who doesn’t mind being that way here! I regress due to stress, trauma and recreation and my last relationship was with someone who was not a CG. I guess you could say I have some experience, haha.

 

So, I’ve made a basket full of little stuff that I can easily grab with me to bed (my preferred space) together with maybe a fuzzy onesie, sippy, and a movie, an audiobook or a game. Then I just roll around with my plush friends for a while! It scratched my little itch, but I suppose it’s not the same experience as being taken care of if that is what you feel you need. Littlespace for me is completely detached from any dynamics cause, well, I haven’t had a CG for a whiiiile. But I find it quite nice to not rely on anyone else for such a wonderful, fun, and comfortable headspace!

 

Another thing I did for a while was playing pretend I was a witch (not wicca or anything like that). I foraged sticks and pine needles, dried plants, and raided the rest from my kitchen cupboard to make spells and potions. It was a lot of fun, but maybe more a game suited for middles.

[FledglingWren]

Absolutely !

I think I’ve always been a fairly independent person so I’m happy to make sure all my needs are met including my little needs.

I’m not sure how to describe it, it’s very familial, I suppose it’s almost a sibling feeling - caring, loving, making sure practical things are in place.

It’s just part of my natural self care I think.

But I do get little me gifts and seasonal treats (advent calendars, etc)

 

Edit: yes ! Audiobooks are great for bedtime stories, I love the ones on CBeebies too) x

Edited November 22, 2021 by FledglingWren

[Guest RavenHollow]

With me its Fictional Characters that take care of me like Gabriel "from the bible/Supernatural", Loki "From Marvel", Jack Sparrow "From Pirates of the Caribbean", Hades "From Descendants", Poseidon "From Percy Jackson", Sirius Black " From Harry Potter"

[Giuly]

Hello!

I'm a little without CG....i can be little by myself, but I have to make some rules before i go into little space...it's hard for me but I don't have other choice so i try to do it...but for me it's not that easy to go into little space by myself, i need time and some of my little thing