Mad little? how do you handle it?

[ghadijay]

Yesterday my little was mad at me because I promised her we'll talk and we didn't, I apologized and I admitted that it was my fault, but she was just so mad and I didn't know how to react. We're LDR so I'm trying not to ignore her, but I really have no options yesterday because I did all what I could.

 

The thing is, when she's mad, I try to communicate and explain so she can understand me then we hopefully stop arguing and start talking nicely, but even when I explain everything, she keeps the attitude and I hate it. What should I do?

 

Any ideas? how do you treat your littles when they're mad?

[Flip a doodle]

This is my opinion coming from a little POV. I think youre looking at this in the wrong way, 1 it can hurt when youre LDR and youre promised time and it doesnt happen( even if theres a valid reason) so making sure youre acknowledgeing that even if not on purpose what you did was hurtful tends to go a long way 2 when she is not mad you need to talk to her and ask her how is best to handle when shes upset/hurt/ mad because everyone is different some want space, others want to talk it out, some need a mix of both, 3 i think the main thing is knowing that you cant just apologize and expect that to fix everything and make it instantly better some things take time especially if there is any type of trauma or attachment issues behind it and you just need to give her some time to not feel as hurt.

 

I hope that helps

[Guest LittleElizabethBun]

...redacted... Edited November 19, 2021 by LittleElizabethBun

[Guest peach.doll]

In addition to what Flip and Elizabeth are saying, perhaps you can agree on a phrase that takes you seconds to type, even a word, that indicates to your little that you're busy and genuinely can't talk to them, and indicates that you'll message her when you can.

When my ex-partner and I were in an LDR we simply texted "LY," if we were in a rush, and we agreed that it would translate to "I love you, but I'm too busy to talk right now. I'll answer you as soon as I physically and possibly can."

It proved useful in emergencies, and when we got migraines that meant we couldn't stare at a screen. 

I hope this makes sense, I'm not the best at explanations. 

I sincerely hope that you and your little are okay. Take care!

[bigPapaBeard]

From my personal experience as a Daddy, Littles tend to be very needy. Of coarse all relationships and people are different but as a general rule littles need a lot of attention and reassurance. You should try to set up systems of communication with your little that work for you both and tend to keep them feeling connected. A lot of littles can't put it in that wording but it's not always about direct attention and having you all to themselves but feeling as though they are still connected to you on a day to day basis. Depending on the little this can come in the form of jewelry, stuffies, pacis or other things that were gifted from you but some littles might need more.
Depending on your job you might even be able to keep a slight line of direct communication open with your little while you work. I work as a computer scientist which means I'm already at the computer and we can chat online while I work. I just made sure she understood that it may take me a few minutes or more to get a response back and she is understanding about that.
What I've seen also help is setting up known times that you always communicate, it may not be an exact time but instead tied to an event, for example my little sometimes has to sleep away from the house due to her job and when she does we've agreed we call right before she goes to sleep, I've even forced myself to stay awake before so I could call her and tell her good night for that night. This gives you both something to look forward to and a max amount of time to wait before the next time you talk to each other.

[Accountable Daddy]

I'm curious why you two didn't talk when you said you would. Something came up? Just felt lazy? Didn't want to talk? Completely forgot about it? I think we've all done that, but it's something to consider for the future in getting more organized.

On top of that, I keep my communication open and available all day, including while at work (to be fair I'm an accountant and have my phone in front of me to text all day anyway), but I get that that's not an option for everyone. So make that clear if you haven't already and when you are available, leave it an option. Or like what I had in the rules with my last little was she can text me many times or "spam" messages and I'd get back to her when I could and not be mad about it. Honestly I really liked that usually.

From there, you apologized and accepted it was your fault, in whatever way that was. And that's good. But it sounds like she's really doubling down on being upset about it. Has this been an issue in the past where you don't get to talking when you said you would?

It sounds like you made a mistake and owned up to it. But she's not coming down from it. She had good reason to be upset it sounds like, but if she's dragging it out, that's not okay. I'd sit down and talk to her about it. Let her know it's bothering you that she's still upset over it. And definitely address chronic issues if there are any around this.

[MysticSand]

There's two things that have me concerned here.

 

"We're LDR so I'm trying not to ignore her, but I really have no options yesterday because I did all what I could."

Ignoring someone is a really good way to make the situation 100x worse. I understand you didn't know what to do, but please don't ignore someone if they mean something to you.

 

"I try to communicate and explain so she can understand me then we hopefully stop arguing and start talking nicely."

I think this could be the issue. You're trying to explain and talk and tell her xyz reasons when in reality you're shutting her down and just trying to tell your side of things. She wants to be heard. She wants to vent. She wants you to know you hurt her. She doesn't care why - not in the moment anyway.

 

When you're hurt and upset and angry and frustrated, do you want to 'talk nicely'? Empathy goes a long way and should be the first step in diffusing a tense situation. Assure her you're sorry, you understand, and then there might be an opening for you to explain why you weren't able to keep the appointed talk time.

 

And like the above posters mentioned, make plans explicitly tentative unless you're 1000% you can commit.

[Guest BrassyBabyGirl]

Going off of the other post with a little pov I am looking at it like a little and a grown woman. Grown woman works 2 jobs, goes to school off and on and runs her little house. She has to schedule time for Papa and gets irritated if things fall through. She is sooooo going to bitch and moan. He lets her get it out and we move on. While grown woman is crushing life, little me has a constant song of Papa, Papa, Paaappaaaa. We are going to play video games, we are going to snuggle so if it falls through that really is the part that is screaming even though I am moaning about time management.

 

He has had to learn as one of the Daddys here stated, time management and to take engagements seriously. I did not glean much from your post but do think sometimes littles including me can be demanding and not always reasonable. So what we do is if I am to get a call or something, I will write him a letter to be read when we can talk. But he lets me know. Text, email, voicemail...quick note as stated before that he is thinking of me though it may not be a good time to talk. He has a life. I am his girl but not his world. Really it is like I save all this up for him and that missed call or connection is such a humm drop from the elation of waiting for him. But I hate sorry... I love when he lets me get it out and not get ruffled. Also if that one call was like the only contact for the day? Yeah wow, heartbreaking. But if you make contact often in little was even LD, it would take the sting out a bit more.

[Pookee]

Hello, Ghadijay! I hope by the time you read this, you're having a wonderful day, and even better, a flourishing relationship with your soulmate. I know this may be a late reply, but if you don't mind me, I would like to give my answer on this matter to not only you but for any incoming Caregivers and Littles that peruse this section with the same situation needing advice to help them.

So please take what I say with a Little puny grain of salt, pun intended. this is not to be nasty or off the wall with you. this reply post is merely personal opinion, not a matter-of-factual solution.

 

Yesterday my little was mad at me because I promised her we'll talk and we didn't, I apologized and I admitted that it was my fault, but she was just so mad and I didn't know how to react. We're LDR so I'm trying not to ignore her, but I really have no options yesterday because I did all what I could.

 

In short, You and your Little Missus are in a Long-distance relationship and you both had a falling out due to you promising her that you would be able to communicate, in which you weren't able to deliver, so she threw a fit and now it is hard to express your feelings of regret to her?

 

As a Middle myself, I don't like the sound of that. just like secrets, promises aren't meant to be broken. remember that Littles are Littles. we thrive off of the foundation of our relationship: Trust, Protection, Love and Obedience. a promise is a place of Trust, in high hopes you keep it. when you break one, it's kinda hard to let go of that and even harder to make it up, emotionally and mentally speaking.

You can work on yourself and how you respond to said things but to teach a Little your busy with, lets say work, is almost unteachable given the circumstances you're in. make it up to her for that.

 

 

We're LDR so I'm trying not to ignore her, but I really have no options yesterday because I did all what I could.

 

You're trying not to ignore her but you broke a promise pertaining to not ignoring her through messages. what you said you would didn't and what swear you're not doing did. whether involuntarily or not. with your quote and your long distance, it's not the thought, it's the text that matters.

 

Ignoring a Little and a Long-Distance Relationship does not go hand-in-hand. even if she knows that you're not intentionally ghosting her, it does not close the book on the fact that she does not physically have you and that's where that frustration meddles and those negative emotions start to stir. and that's what's happening X2 since silence is now speaking in place of you and she's alone through that all the while.

 

You have to go the extra mile to make up for the Long Distance. schedule a time with it being only you and her to let her vent about that and other things so she knows you can and are willing to still hear her. talk to her about the little things because they do matter.


Speaking of that...

 

I did all what I could.

 

 

 

....

 

 

 

I did all what I could.

I did all what I could.

'I did all what I could' period mark and 'I tried' period mark is almost never enough. what started out as a little turned into a BIGGIE. that little promise you gave her was something she held close because that's the closest thing she has to you. now, that's taken away. that feels like a punishment if I ever saw it, heard it, felt it, wrote a Shakespearean poem about it...we don't want that. what could have been and what is now are two separate ball parks. again, it's not the thought, it's the text.

 

Even if not keeping a promise wasn't what you were trying to do, it happened. that denotes failure to comply and Littles break the rules, not you.

There is always something that you can do. it's not why, it's why not. it's not what, it's how. just like how you can create a post describing the situation and ask for insight from other strangers of this community, you too can sit down and resolve a disagreement with your Missus.

 

The thing is, when she's mad, I try to communicate and explain so she can understand me then we hopefully stop arguing and start talking nicely, but even when I explain everything, she keeps the attitude and I hate it. What should I do?

 

'Talking nicely' with you was a promise broken. and NO SASSY PANTS FROM ME but it's kind of ironic when you say "I try to communicate and explain but she's mad at me because I promised we would talk but didn't so now she's giving me attitude."

 

That is a big sign if I ever seen one. between the broken promise and the "She's not willing to hear me out" is the hurt. why should I talk to you nicely after you rejected me through a promise? why should I give you my attention if you couldn't 'promise' to give me yours? she's showing you how she felt, even if it's an attitude away.

Nobody should ever have to 'hopefully' get along with their special someone just like she shouldn't have to 'hope' you'll talk to her eventually. break the silence, talk to her and understand where she's coming from.

Any ideas? how do you treat your littles when they're mad?

 

Let her text you. as in, let her vent to her provider. at the end of the day, she needs you and that neediness is showing. every Little needs their Caregiver. she loves you and she wouldn't be giving you an attitude otherwise and the only way she can is via electronics. that's tough.

 

I'm not saying you're at fault because you're not. I'm not telling you as a Caregiver you suck or don't care about her because why else would you be reaching out to the community about your Little Missus situation? you're a good person and there's no buts about it!

 

Personally, to me, there's a lack acknowledgement and communication (A lot of lacking on that, to be honest..) that's hindering you from understanding your Little and providing care in that field. work on yourself and be the best 'Giver you can provide for her. she needs that.

and always keep a promise. lol, we're maxed-out capacity SSDs when it comes to remembering the bad so keep tabs on on her moods throughout the day, even if it's over text.


Don't forget, tell you and your Little you are valued and loved regardless. my PMs are always open and stay safe!
 

Buh-bye for now!

Edited November 6, 2021 by Pookee