flying solo :/

[MissPattch]

I've been with my wonderful Daddy for just over a year now and everything is going so good and he is coming up in a few weeks for an overnight stay and i can't wait. Being small when he is around is the best feeling in the world and he always makes me feel so looked after and safe. Thing is, i'm having a hard time with feeling small when he isn't / can't be around. Like when he has his family / work commitments and stuff.  It's not jealousy, i am totally okay with him having his own time with others, what i mean is how different it feels now to be small on my own again after spending so much time being looked after. I was in bed the other night, getting ready to go to sleep and that's always a trigger for me to feel little, and all of a sudden i was absolutely terrified of being on my own even though he was just a text message away if i needed him. It made me feel scared of the dark and extremely vulnerable. It was not a pleasant experience. Before Daddy, solo-small time was "normal", now it just doesn't feel so good. I can't decide if this is a me thing i need to deal with on my own, given my history of abandonment issues or if this is something that other littles go through too.

 

If anybody has any experience or advice they feel like sharing, i'd be eternally grateful <3

[RavenclawPrincess]

Oh no! I'm so sorry that you're experiencing bad feelings with little space when you're on your own. I think we've all been there and can relate to how difficult that can be to deal with. 

I don't have any personal experience with this but I've heard of people utilizing items/activities as a way to control little space. So for example, "when I have this specific stuffie/outfit on/music playing, it's time to be little". I'm not entirely sure about details on how to condition yourself that way, but it might be worth looking into utilizing new triggers to gain some extra control over when you're feeling little. That way, if you aren't with your daddy and don't want to enter into a little headspace because it doesn't feel good, you can choose to avoid it by not having that trigger item. I'm sure controlling triggers might not work for everyone and I'm sorry to say that's the only thing I can think of besides re-learning how to enjoy little space independently, but it's a potential lead on a solution. It sounds like your bed when you're getting ready to go to sleep is a trigger, so maybe reflect on how that trigger came about to see if you can work out how to develop a trigger that you can have more control over. It's worth a shot, anyway. Good luck and I hope the situation gets better for you

[Guest littlebunny84]

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling with this.  I don't think it's a you thing, I think that lots of littles struggle with this sort of thing.  I do think it's important for littles to be able to care for themselves because we can't always have our daddy around.

 

It sounds like you found this most difficult at bedtime.  I know that feeling.  And I've found that the best way to deal with it is to create a bedtime routine that includes little things.  A bath with bubbles and toys, a snack and warm milk, some cartoons, story time with my stuffies, a night light, etc.  One thing that I do when I'm feeling very vulnerable at night is to keep something on like an audiobook, YouTube or Netflix.  I can turn the screen off but still listen to something to distract my mind and lull me into sleep.