Newbies overheating ?

[DaddysMonkey]

……. Hi. *waves*

 

I’m Monkey and I like to make people argue.. just kidding. Or am I ? I am. What I really like doing is making people exercise their C R A N I U M. Or at least what’s inside there.

 

“Information overload is the leading cause of psychological disorders.”

 

I read a lot , and I read that somewhere ^ I’m the type of person where one sentence like that will be the tiny little water droplet that opens the floodgates of my thought process. I read that sentence over and over in my head , and even re worded it a few times. Thought about it some more , and decided to switch it up.

 

My version : Information overload is the leading cause of psychological ABSENCE.

 

Something I notice a lot when people first get into Bdsm or CG/l lifestyles is the urge to jump in feet first. Nothing wrong with that , it’s good to experiment ! Learn what you like and don’t like ! There is however a big difference between seeing what’s there THEN jumping in feet first , and having NO idea what’s under the water and diving in HEAD first. You’ll probably knock yourself out and wake up confused. Which is what happens to newbies at times.

 

Caregivers and littles alike , (can’t make this clear enough , SOME not ALL) get into this lifestyle and do nothing but read a bunch of google documents or information off of a ton of different websites and forums. They soak up all of this subjective information like a sponge without ever putting it into practice in their daily life first.. new caregivers for example. There is a LOT of information on how to be “a good caregiver” , a gross amount. All of it subjective. So what happens when a new person enters this lifestyle and does nothing but read read read ? People can become overwhelmed, overheated.

 

Do I be a soft daddy ? A hard stern one ? How do I punish , well this site says I should do time outs and this site says I should naughty spank. Well this thread says it’s wrong to be sexual and this thread says sex and littles go hand in hand. What kind of little do I look for ? What kind of rules should I make them ? Am I even doing this right ?

 

….. even just reading that is kind of overwhelming… right ? It’s a lot to take in , and what I’ve notice happening with new people is that they’re so busy being sucked up into this fantasy idea of what they *want* everything to be like because they’re reading a bunch of subjective material.. they get burnt out and disappointed… and it’s like they’re not even a person. In my humble opinion , being in this lifestyle is about yourself but it’s just as much about your partner. Being so tied up in the ideas that people have put out there versus what reality is really like can smack people pretty hard in the face sometimes.

You don’t magically find a caregiver or a little within a couple days… at least not anything that’s worth the salt. They lose themselves in this sort of … character they’re trying to play because that’s what they’ve read online instead of just being themselves and letting things happen naturally at a normal pace.

 

Information overload can cause an absence of ones self in my opinion. You get so worked up and sucked into a fantasy idea and something new and exciting that you lose who you are. That leads to a whole other can of worms to be opened… but has anyone experienced newbie burnout ? Feeling lost because of the overload of information that can happen ?

 

My advice would be to take things slow and just learn about yourself. Make some friends in the lifestyle , and create a safe space and don’t get lost in all the hubbub. We’re all just a bunch of lost boys with annoying caregivers trying to tell us what to do around here.

Edited September 27, 2021 by DaddysMonkey

[(not) Narancia]

Goddammit Monkey can you stop spitting truth for one second? Time and time again you fuckin nail it. You're really good at putting thoughts to words.

 

Seriously, every person who is unsure about themselves regarding dd/lg should keep this post in mind, because it is such an important reminder of that fact that this lifestyle is a journey and you will find what works for you along the way. Soak in all the information you can and give yourself space to learn and grow, people.

[DaddysMonkey]

Goddammit Monkey can you stop spitting truth for one second? Time and time again you fuckin nail it. You're really good at putting thoughts to words.

Seriously, every person who is unsure about themselves regarding dd/lg should keep this post in mind, because it is such an important reminder of that fact that this lifestyle is a journey and you will find what works for you along the way. Soak in all the information you can and give yourself space to learn and grow, people.

*big blush so big* thanks narancia

[Guest Teasing Tink]

All great points. 

 

I think the information out there can offer inspiration, but shouldn't be seen as a one-size-fits-all box that everyone tries jamming themselves to fit into. As if you're invalid as a "little" or a Caregiver if you don't do things a certain way. There's definitely no right or wrong way to do things. And what works well for one set of people isn't automatically going to work well for the next. For example, maybe you have a list of rules. Maybe you don't. Who cares? Better yet, just be creative and come up with your own ideas. Some of the stuff out there will resonate with you and inspire, and some of it won't. Put your own spin on it, and just have fun experimenting in your own way.

Edited September 27, 2021 by Teasing Tink

[Guest LittleElizabethBun]

...redacted... Edited November 19, 2021 by LittleElizabethBun

[LittlePupRune]

Frenzy in any bdsm community is definitely a thing to look out for. I'm so glad you brought it up. Frenzy can also be dangerous. Its good to remind yourself that you have plenty of time to explore and that you don't need to do all the things right now. Its also good to practice managing expectations.

[Keiry]

I agree.

 

I take as an example the case of my Daddy, who is totally new at this.

 

Many times he doubts himself thinking that he is not good enough and that I should look for a more experienced Daddy, however I do not think this is about seeing who is more experienced or better, or one way or another. I think that in the end you have to experience DDLG (and BDSM) in your own way.

 

There is no right way to be a Caregiver, just like there is no right way to be a little. You are your own right way, as long as everything is SSC.

[Braidisback]

This is a great point.

 

Another thing to think about is, often when you’re new, and you’re reading and reading and reading — you don’t stop to think, “would I even enjoy this? practically, what steps does this involve before and after? Is this a big commitment of time/energy?” Etc.

 

Tips for being a stern Daddy are good and all, but what if you’re not actually into that?

 

It would be like me reading articles on being a brat. Sure they might be cute, but if I took the time to imagine doing those things myself, in an honest and searching way, it’s immediately obvious it’s not for me.

[HeathG]

Great advice. Far better to 'be yourself' and let it happen naturally, develop your own dynamic, than to force yourself into a pigeonhole because you've read that's what you're 'supposed' to be.

[Kitten&Spice]

This is something I definitely faced when I first joined! I saw so many things and did “research” before joining the community! I have had some “Doms” when I first started but I started to feel disappointed. Luckily I re-evaluated my stand on things and learned from people within the community to know that there is more that goes into it then I originally realized!

 

I love how you basically summed up my first few years of cg/l for me! Awesome post!!