How to become more aware of what I like as I explore DD/LG?

[Flawda Guy]

[Guest LittleElizabethBun]

...redacted... Edited November 19, 2021 by LittleElizabethBun

[Flawda Guy]

This is interesting. Have tou done the BDSM.org test?

It has been suggested to me as a newie to make 3 lists - Yes (things you would definitely want to try or know you are interested in) Maybe (things you might explore), No (your limits and boundaries - things you know you are not interested in/turnoffs)

Videos and reading helped me, as did solo play. Hopefully this helps?

 

Actually I haven't done the bdsm.org test yet, that's a good idea though! I'll have to get on it! The 3 different lists are a really good idea too, as I find out things I do and don't like I could definitely make a list! Thanks! 

Edited September 23, 2021 by rghjtag_1

[DaddyDom3238]

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Edited September 23, 2021 by DaddyDom3238

[Mommyslilmasochist]

Hey there! There's lots of resources out there from the general BDSM community that may be of use to you. There are kink checklists, so to speak, that you can use to categorize your interests and limits. This one is kind of like a personality test for you and your partner.  This is a Google Drive Document that goes SUPER IN DEPTH. 

 

u/_Molecular_  on Reddit had a really good comment I'm gonna copy and paste for you. Link included cus I feel like without it I'm stealin or sumthin. 

 

 

I don't like using a checklist because I find that it's too difficult to remember which of 300+ activities are okay versus not okay, desired vs. hated, etc. My brain just doesn't work that way.

Instead, I like to have a conversation that starts with what we want at the high level and gradually works down to more detail.

At the highest level are things like what sort of outcome or goal a person wants out of play. Do they want a sexy time, to experience pain, to be scared, to feel loved, etc.

With that context in mind, I then I ask about five general categories:

1. restraints (rope, cuffs, leather restraints, boxes, etc.)

2. sadism (impact play, clamps, electricity, etc)

3. sensual touch (kissing, being stroked, touched places other than genitals, bitten, etc)

4. sexual touch (digital penetration, orgasms, vibrators, intercourse, etc.)

5. mind play (CNC, degradation, etc.)

I try to understand how comfortable they are with each of those areas, how much experience they have, how deep they want to go, and whether they want to use opt-in or opt-out negotiation in each of those areas.

Then I drill into each of those areas and get to the next level of detail.

At the end of this, what it usually looks like is varying levels of detail in each of the areas. As an example, maybe they are really into restraints and game to try everything there, but no mouth rope or gags. For sadism, they are okay with certain toys that they'll pick out, and a moderate level of play, and marks anywhere that can be covered with clothing, and nothing on the feet. For sensual touch they are okay with anything. For sexual touch they are okay with vibrators, orgasm control, but no penetration.

Rather than trying to remember hundreds of things, I only have to remember a handful of categorized things.