Rushing things?

[Littlecutecookie]

Just wanted to vent a little but also read other people's perspectives, so here it goes:

 

I'm always really shocked to see how *fast* daddies want things. Now I'm not talking for every daddy out there! Some are very sweet, patient and take time to get to know the other person. I've seen cases like those! But what does it make others only seeking for the sexual side of it? Or jumping right away into ddlg? Would you guys say is lack of experience(not knowing what ddlg is) or just interest about the kink?

Thanfully I never had a bad experience here (yet) but in other places I have, people jumping right away and it makes me feel very weird.

 

To me ddlg is way more intimite than that, you share a special bond with your daddy. Someone who makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, makes you feel protected and loved. 

 

Is it too "old school" to see things this way? I'm concerned I have a very *emotional* view of things and maybe I am actually the one that doesn't understand. Maybe ddlg can be different things?

 

Oh I also want to add I don't have much experience yet as a little so is also why I'm posting this here.

 

For anyone who shares their perspective, thank you! ^^

[Vampiress]

I agree with you from what I've seen and experienced in the past, though this goes with other kinks and sometimes even vanilla relationships. I think more often than not it has to do with them wanting something very specific and maybe not really caring about the rest, and sometimes it has to do with insecurities and wanting to lock something down really quick without realizing they're shooting themselves in the foot by taking things too fast. I think inexperience also plays a role with some people, but experienced people do this as well. I know this happens on all sides, littles/middles/brats/subs do the same thing but sometimes for different reasons. Ultimately, if it's happening to you take a step back and examine what they're seeming to focus in on and why they might be rushing it, and then figure it out from there. If it's inexperience or insecurity you might be able to work through that, but if they're single minded and maybe only looking for sex and you're not down for that then just pass and move on. You're not  being unreasonable, though. I think it's a very good and mature thing to take your time and get to know somebody before diving into something too fast.

Edited September 18, 2021 by Vampiress

[D&Daddy]

Hiya it's good to vent now and then, and we've each got our own way of seeing things so I think posts like this are a great way for people to see different sides and opinions.

 

My early thoughts were that people who jump straight into ddlg and/or the kink side were wrong or fake because they shouldn't rush things like that for the same reasoning that you wouldn't go and meet someone in a pub and after 10 minutes of talking to that person claim they're now your partner and they have to obey you etc. Also as just an extra note I'm keeping things general because I have seen both daddies and littles doing this; which is also part of why I changed my perspective down the line.

 

So now I have 3 views:

 

1st is my personal view. I don't think it's right to rush into a dynamic. I want to get to know someone - via text, calls and especially in person to know we have something there before I will ask a girl to be my little. If you don't take that time and get to know each other it will likely not last long. I do get the incentive to rush during that new phase when I'm getting to know someone. I do feel that happy closeness feeling of getting attached to someone I'm enjoying spending my time and attention on, but I will not jump ahead based on that, I'd like to think I've learned from my past mistakes on that one.

 

2nd is my general acceptance view. While I don't agree with it personally I acknowledge that rushing head long into ddlg or into the kink aspect is something some people are willing and open to, and they are consenting adults, so I'm not going to fault or critcize them for making a decision. If two people want to rush into something then I may raise concerns if one is a friend but otherwise I'll wish them the best and hope they're one of the few that it works for.

 

3rd is my view on people who strong arm and how that's not ok. I know there are people out there who will try to force a dynamic (I haven't yet heard about a little being the strong armer in this one anywhere near as bad as I've heard some daddies doing so I'd be curious if someone has a story about that). They will demand submission/domination, sexual favours, pictures, things like that when the person they are talking to is not open, willing and wanting of that - basically they're trying to take, take, take rather than create something together. I think there is something wrong with people who do that, not mentally (although perhaps there is in some cases) but a serious lack of understanding on what ddlg is, or perhaps they do understand and are just looking to take advantage. In any case I don't like this kind of attitude and it's not ok in my mind.

 

So there you go I'd be interested to hear what other people have to say - and as I was writing this Vampiress posts with a usual very insightful post. I have to agree with you on the insecurities, they can play a big part in people rushing into things. There's a need for a lot of people in ddlg I think to want to claim someone as 'mine' and fear losing them to someone else. Also yes have your standards and requirements and remember them; it's not unreasonable to pass on someone because they're not meeting them everyone has their preferences.

[Guest Teasing Tink]

I consider rushing and love-bombing and such to be red-flags. Things should move at an organic pace that is comfortable for both parties. And this goes for vanilla and non-vanilla relationships alike. At the end of the day, some people are just looking for a play partner (casual sex), while others are looking for a serious relationship. 

 

You're emotionally intelligent for seeing things the way you do. It's good and normal to be in tune with your emotions and not cut yourself off from them. It's usually the broken people who cut themselves off from their emotions and seek out superficial relations where it is more about exploiting one another than forming a meaningful bond. This is probably considered a controversial opinion nowadays though. But who cares? Just because many people are doing a thing one way, doesn't make it beneficial.

[PapaGrayWolf]

As a Daddy I haven't experienced that from other Daddies but I have experienced it from littles and non little subs.  Point being; it's not Daddies per se nor littles/subs but rather any faker in any capacity in the world of kink or relationships. 

[SmolAetherr]

"But what does it make others only seeking for the sexual side of it?"

 

people exist that dont for whatever reason pursue a relationship, how they express/communicate that is often the issue

not to mention more often than not they fail to recognise the other party is likely not interested but thats not to say people like that are not valid, everyone is allowed to be who they wanna be its just a case of finding someone who shares those interests and wants to make something of it with you at that point in time

 

"Would you guys say is lack of experience(not knowing what ddlg is) or just interest about the kink?"

 

jumping right into things often leads to heartbreak but sometimes not, i feel i have a gift myself for reading people and while its not flawless i can often trust my gut about people and its proven quite successful for me so jumpin in isnt much of an issue/fear for me, if i feel some kinda way ill express it and allow the other person to have that information to act on in their preferred way based on their desires/needs at the time

 

"Is it too "old school" to see things this way?"

 

Nope, i do myself i'm a self identified demisexual which means i require an emotional/romantic bond to feel any kind of attraction to a person i need to know they share my values and life goals or i can easily turn cold but if i meet that person then it doesent matter who/what they are.

 

"Maybe ddlg can be different things?"

it can be and should be unique to each person, there is no rulebook its not a label people should strive to fit, as with all labels in my opinion it should be made to fit people who share common interests that metality works for me as someone who prefers labels for clarity and allows me the room to stretch those labels to cover people and offers the flexibility im looking for

 

 

my perspective is, people are complex and looking for different things at different times, i myself have progressed from a dominant in ddlg exclusively to expandin my interests into bdsm traditionally, then to becoming a switch (dom & sub) to then being a sub leaning switch (means im still a switch but i prefer the submissive role generally) its evolved with me and allowed me the flexibility to be who i am while i can still say "i'm this and i'm that" and i will say at this time its worked out well i have a long term parnter who fits my wants and needs perfectly just like i fit his and at that point i dont feel the need to worry about who/what i am, i trust this person will leave room for me to grow while i encourage their growth

 

 

in summary, be who you wanna be (try to avoid putting yourself down if you just don't know yet, who really does know?), accept people want different things or may not even know what they want at any given time (this took me some time to work out while i was exploring and it helped me find peace with alot of the experiances i had in the past that werent so healthy for me), dont compromise on what you want especially if it hurts you, tell creeps to jump in a icy lake

[Mk__92]

I have come up with a few more explanations aside from the ones already given.

 

I'm also new to ddlg, but I've experienced in D/s and hetero sexual dynamics in general.

 

I think that when it comes to any sex related stuff, always with exceptions of course, men on average are just more ready to go. It's in our, biology, hormones and probably because society encourage men to have sex in a way it doesn't for women. (If you have lots of sex you're cool and you don't have any sex you're a loser).

 

If I just look at myself and am completely honest. I'm almost always ready for sex or any sort of playtime I like. I could play with someone I just met without any issue from my side. As long as I found her attractive. That's not a choice, that's just something that's a fact in my case. And it can get pretty annoying honestly. How you choose to act on those impulses is of course a choice and shows in my opinion what kind of person someone is.

 

So I would argue that your potential playing partner wanting things fast isn't necessarily bad. Pushing someone to do thing faster than they're comfortable with is.

 

I would also say that one shouldn't necessarily assume that because someone is interested in play early on, it's the only thing that person is interested in. Speaking for myself again. I'm very interested in finding a partner, with shared interest, values, who I just like as a person and want to develop a very close personal relationship with. But if she wants to start having some playtime while we are still getting to know each other, the I wouldn't have a problem with it. I personally wouldn't jump into like something serious like 24/7 quickly. But maybe having a playdate early on the see if we like each other's style of play could even be helpful and fun. If both parties want it and you both communicate well what you want out of it.

 

More specific with ddlg or D/s in general. I think it's a lot easier to just want to jump in and get power than just jumping in and giving someone power over you. I think subs are very courageous for playing at all sometimes, especially those who have misplaced their trust in someone before.

 

So there's my two cent's. I hope a different perspective can help you in some way.

[Josei]

I agree!

 

I feel like some of them just want the sexual aspect DDLG so they give you 4 days of "trying to make it work" then start to make more and more sexual comments. And like someone said above it's just like their shooting themselves in the foot because the feelings you may have developed Start to wither away.

 

For me I can't do anything sexual without a connection so I just don't even try. But, like you said above maybe its inexperience, maybe it's trying to lock you in, or maybe it's just a pretend daddy.

Edited September 19, 2021 by Josei