Determining Whether Relationship is Abusive or Healthy

[Guest LexiGremlin]

Not sure if this is where to put this or not, but I see A LOT of posts on this site from Littles about advice on whether things that are clear warning signs are healthy or not. This list is for BDSM, but just replace Master/Mistress with Mommy/Daddy and it's the same thing! With ANY dynamic, these are red flags and you should get out IMMEDIATELY. Hope this helps! The source is https://bdsmfordummies.wordpress.com/2008/07/07/ds-safety-and-signs-of-abuse/

 

Does your Master/Mistress scare you and make you feel fearful?

 

Has your Master/Mistress threatened to kill you?

 

Do you think you can never do anything right or please your Master/Mistress?

 

Have you ever been hit, pushed, choked, had your hair pulled, or been slapped by your Master/Mistress while He/She is angry and that these acts were at the time non consensual?

 

Does your Master/Mistress yell at you or tell you that you are worthless or no good, again outside of a scene and without negotiation or consent?

 

Do you believe you have to tip-toe around your Master/Mistress to prevent an outburst of anger?

 

Does your Master/Mistress try to limit the amount of time you spend with friends and family or on the phone or Internet?

 

Does your Master/Mistress make you do things you don’t want to do? I.e. push beyond your limits and demand you perform hard limits?

 

Have family or friends expressed their concern about your relationship?

 

Are your children afraid of your Master/Mistress?

 

Do you believe you deserve the abusive treatment you receive?

 

Do you realize you are abused but don’t know where to get help?

 

Has your Master/Mistress ever ignored or refused you the right to use a safeword?

 

 

Tips:

If you answered yes to several of these questions, please contact your local domestic abuse shelter. They can help you determine your options and will assist you in finding a safe place to stay while you sort things out.

Make an emergency kit that you can easily grab. It should have money, checkbook, credit cards, health records, school information, birth & marriage certificates, driver’s license, social security numbers, house & car keys.

Do not tolerate abusive behavior from your spouse. It won’t go away by denying it. The situation will only grow worse. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger.

Another source of help is the National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.) at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TTY). (UK Freephone) 0808 2000 247. Help is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

[Guest Pouty Kitten]

This is a great thread. Thank you so much!

[Guest LexiGremlin]

You welcome!

 

I was browsing around reading posts and I noticed a lot of Littles were asking advice about things that are clear red flags. And I feel like emotional/verbal/mental abuse is very under-reported or taken too lightly by people. Because a lot of people consider abuse to just be physical. And ESPECIALLY in a s/M or pet/Owner or little/Caregiver dynamic where one person has a large amount of control over the other, it is very important for people to know about what is part of the dynamic and what is the Dominant partner abusing their power in the relationship.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

Its a terrible thing when anyone believes any of that kind of treatment is "normal" or ok. To give one basic example, a guy calling himself a daddy to take advantage of needy, naive and vulnerable girls. Disgusting. Of course its not just guys, but they get worse press for it.

[OhioDaddy76]

It never fails to amaze me how, in our search for connections, humans can accept such terrible treatment. I've watched friends be neglected, emotionally abused, and far worse.

 

I think this is a great post and such a great place to draw awareness for what dominance is/isn't.

[Guest LexiGremlin]

@MyDaddyMyWorld -- It is a shame. But sometimes people, especially people new to the Lifestyle and Community, get wrong information. Especially if they meet a predator or an abuser who trains them that abusive behavior is NORMAL in a relationship. Espefially when you have certain things in the media [50 Shades of Grey] portraying abuse as a healthy aspect of BDSM or ANY type of relationship.

 

@OhioDaddy76 -- Thank you! I thought so too and when I realized there was no posts about it, I made one. In my experience as a Mistress, I find that a lot of the submissives/Littles/slaves/pets who get abused the most are the younger ones. 18-21 that just got into the Lifestyle and don't know what it really is. And they meet inexperienced Dominant partners or just straight-up predators who do not understand or don't care about contracts, safewords, etc. Especially with Total Power Exchange Relationships, where the Dominant party has FULL control of the other person, but no safe word. It's important for people to know WHEN to get out. When it goes beyond the dynamic and into abuse.