Separation/leaving anxiety

[baby_k]

Anyone else suffering from separation/leaving anxiety?

 

I have noticed that I get anxious and drawn when the other person is going to leave for longer time or if I'm going to do it. It happens mainly when leaving wouldn't necessary need to happen on that specfic moment but could happen like 1h later. If leaving is just for small time ( return on same day ) and/or has some specific purpose like going to a store, there is no issue.

 

This anxiety makes situation worse: I get more anxious because I'm acting more distant and therefore the rel starts to seem cold to me. Typically after the leaving I feel bad for while and then bounce back to normal. It however makes these leaving situations rather nasty, and I would wish them to be happy and cuddly instead.

 

Has anyone any tips how to help this?

 

Knowing I see the person in two days doesn't seem to have affect. Them giving me cuddles helps a bit but won't remove this. Any vagueness and supprice in the time of leaving makes it worse.

[LOKittenTexas]

Do you currently have coping mechanisms you use for other anxiety filled situations?

 

Does this happen with anyone leaving or someone in particular? How do they handle it?

 

If abandonment anxiety is going on, I'd definitely suggest a counselor that can help you with learn coping strategies and figure out why you have this anxiety to work on the root cause.

[baby_k]

Do you currently have coping mechanisms you use for other anxiety filled situations?

 

Does this happen with anyone leaving or someone in particular? How do they handle it?

 

If abandonment anxiety is going on, I'd definitely suggest a counselor that can help you with learn coping strategies and figure out why you have this anxiety to work on the root cause.

Umh, not really any coping mechanisms, I mainly go with "f*ck this sh*t, ou well, it will end eventually". Of course doing things, excercising and things that distract help but I don't really use those.

 

Happens only with someone I could call my partner or possible-partner. Person currently holding this tittle is rather fine with it and willing to work with me. So, really understanding <3

 

I have actually seen two counsellors but not that much help there, so i'm asking if other people might have ideas or things that work for them. Main thing they emphasized was to vocalise my emotions which does help a lot  if I'm able to really know what I think and feel. Unfortunately, it can be hard sometimes, and imo this is not too rational, so it irritates me a lot. Reason behind is just fear of abandonment and loosing connection.

[dreamsfromcomatose]

Separation anxiety is difficult to deal with. thank you for sharing with us! for me past traumas have made me worry about even getting into relationship for fear of being left behind. you’re very brave to voice how you’re feeling. communication with your partner is always a great step, it helps a lot to know what times they could be doing things, as well as texting them when they’re away to ease your mind. i’ve tried having them make a list of things to do like, color a pretty picture to show them when they get back, or write out how i’m feeling to help rationalize it. that doesn’t necessarily mean that this fear is irrational, just that having it on paper can relieve stress. time with people that feel like a constant in your life can help you to gain more trust in people in general. i know it’s not an easy process, but you’re already doing amazing!

I hope i could help at least a little bit =^. .^=

[baby_k]

Thanks @dreamsfromcomatose <3

 

It did help, especially talking about the communication as hearing it from others helps me to get it through my thick skull XD I donät always communicate those things as I feel they are so unnecessary but in reality that just makes things worse.

 

Knowing someone is busy helps as I know better what to expect is also good.

 

What I noticed is that if there is sort of leaving ceremony, it gets easier. So, I now have asked this other person to always come and escort me out, and that I do the same to him.

[Guest LittleElizabethBun]

...redacted... Edited November 19, 2021 by LittleElizabethBun

[MysticSand]

BABY K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I don't think I have separation anxiety but I do the same thing as you in terms of getting quiet/distant when I'm upset. In those instances, I find I need the other person to call me out on it because I don't even realize I'm shutting down (communication) and withdrawing. Do you realize when you start to get distant? Do you think if you ask your possible-partner to call you out on it it would help you recognize it so that you can both talk and address it? When I say "call you out," I don't mean rudely. I mean more so in the, "I noticed you've gotten quiet, can we talk about it?" way. Do you think that'd help or would it just make you upset and try to push away further?

[baby_k]

Hiiii MysticSanddddd <3<3<3

 

I think him addressing the quietness is also really good tip. He is reallyreally bad at doing that for he thinks/assumes it's better to let people be and allow them to talk when they are ready. Where as I really need or at least benefit from that sort of fast intervention. I guess not all like it but for me that sort of thing feels like care and love.

 

I do notice it bit slowly but still usually before he has left, so I do feel I benefit also from him encouraging me to say about it.

 

( He is going to try and do this now )

[Lylamul]

I definitely feel this. I won't give advice tho because I need help too