Moving on from your first little/gf

[JMAlexandre]

[DELETED]

Edited July 18, 2022 by JMAlexandre

[Guest Teasing Tink]

Hey, that's rough. I think it's hard to move on and heal when you're constantly reminded of it, and especially when you feel like they don't empathize or get why it's upsetting for you. If the situation were reversed, I'd be surprised if they were just fine with it. But I dunno, maybe they're just that unusually chill.

I'm glad you weren't willing to be used as some side thing.

 

You're afraid of losing your only support network, but I think in some ways, you've already lost it because you don't feel very supported. I obviously can't tell you what is best for you, because only you know that, but perhaps you could try finding a new guild on another server or something, so you have the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends. I think it might help you move on and heal if you gave yourself a change of scenery in some way. It doesn't mean you have to immediately go cold turkey with everyone else, it would just give you another place to focus your energy and at least get some space from it so you don't feel so alone.

 

I wish you lots of love and healing. Losing your first love is always hard, but I'm glad you were able to discover yourself through it all.

[MysticSand]

A very big BRAVO to you for being so mature and handling things so well - honestly. The way you reacted, the way you think, the way you feel even, is all very impressively mature for the great amount of emotional turmoil I'm sure you're feeling.

 

I'm someone who works very hard to keep separate every aspect of my life (to the extent of separate emails for different groups of people/purposes) so I truly felt a knot in my stomach when you laid out exactly how intricately tied your friend and ex are to your gaming and overall life. I think my only advice for the future would be to try your best to keep different aspects of your life separate; it may be a foreign concept for many as I can totally see the upside of gaming with people you're actually friends with (because it's a bummer to have to look for good parties in the gaming world), but I personally find it healthier to keep distinct groups of people for different purposes.

 

One possible suggestion for the now, would be maybe try to look for another game to get in to? Or if not another game, maybe try to look for another solid group of friends in the same MMORPG. Lots of games have Discord servers where you could probably look for other players and just get out there to experience what it's like to play with others with the hope that you'll click with someone(s) eventually. I'm not going to lie, it's really sucky and hard to find good (gamer) friends, but eventually it pays off.

 

In regards to you feeling upset, of course you have the right to be upset! Seeing them is a constant reminder that that could be you. But it's not. So yes, you have the right to feel upset, and no, you shouldn't feel guilty about those feelings. We're sentimental beings as a species, nothing we can do about it. We can only control ourselves and what we decide to do after. What helps me to get over these kinds of bumps is to remember that everything and everyone serves a purpose. Your ex has made you so much more self-aware and insightful about what makes you happy and what you are looking for in a relationship/friend/Little. That was her purpose.

 

As to whether her purpose has been served or if she has a further purpose for your future, that's for you to say. Just know that sometimes people serve a purpose, and that's that, and that is okay. (I've used this as a type of philosophy to make peace with my own ended connections.) It is okay to take the lessons learned (both positive and negative) and to continue your life.

 

Drink water, go for a walk, eat snacks, cry, scream, and then breathe deeply. Do what you need to to take care of yourself. Best of luck sorting things out. 

[Vampiress]

I don't have any advice, but I totally sympathize with your situation and can't even imagine how hard this has been for you. Your feelings are totally valid and I feel like you've handled this very maturely. Some people can handle that kind of situation without feeling weird about it, and other people can't. It's normal either way, in my opinion. Some people also don't seem to believe in the idea that the partners of their friends are off limit even if they break up, while others are very respectful of that boundary and never cross it. Just seems your ex and your friend have very different ideas about all of this than you do, and that's okay, but it does bring up some level of incompatability in your friendship with them now. I'm not sure if you can come to some kind of compromise with them or not, but whatever you decide do what's best for you and your mental health regardless of what anyone else thinks.

[JMAlexandre]

[DELETED]

Edited July 18, 2022 by JMAlexandre