Asking for things:/

[MissPattch]

So as the title suggests, this one is about asking for things from your Daddy / mommy / cg.

 

I hate asking for things. No exceptions. I never need to ask my Daddy for anything usually, because he is always attentive and looks after me really well, but today I'm finding my self with a want, and I don't know how to deal with it.

 

We are longish distance and meet ups are when ever we both have free time. So far we have only met twice. Obviously I'm eager to increase that number, but I feel uncomfortable asking for his time because I know he has a high pressure job and other commitments on his time and I feel bad for wanting to take what little bit of down time he has. It's hard to schedule regular time together because of those other commitments and I just feel like I'm being pushy by even thinking about asking for more.

 

I just spent 5 minutes typing and deleting a text because I keep second guessing and overthinking the whole thing and I don't want to come across as needy / desperate. Should I just keep my mouth shut and wait for him to say its a good time or should I speak up and risk making him feel pressured to spend time with me?

 

Help please...

[Envui]

Hey!

 

It's really considerate of you that you're thinking about his busy schedule and not wanting to trouble him. But I think why not? He could just say no, and then plan it another time. If anything, since he's attentive to you then he must like/love you a whole lot, he might actually be even happy that he knows you want to spend more time with him! Even if he wouldn't be able to! I think you should go for it and throw in a "I miss you" hahah I don't think it's selfish of you to be "needy" so hopefully it works out, and the both of you get to spend time with each other again soon!

[D&Daddy]

Patch you're an expressive person and you don't shy away from giving your thoughts, he must love that about you considering how well the two of you are doing, so don't stop being yourself now

[Nymph]

I hate asking for things too, but sometimes you just have to. If the issue is him having a busy schedule then offer you be the one visiting, that way travel time is not wasted and you spend more time together.

 

If the issue is more that you don't actually know when you are going to meet next and you are just waiting for his schedule to open, then explain to him that you miss him a lot and feel anxious not to know when you will meet again, ideally he can give you a date or at least something like "middle of july" kind of thing.

 

How often have you met so far? and was it his town or yours?

[MissPattch]

Thanks for all the replies, every body <3

 

Envui - I know i should just ask, but sometimes its crazy hard and a few past experiences have made me hyper aware about what i request of people. I know its a little irrational, and its something i need to work on >.<

 

D&Daddy - haha! Yeah, i give my opinion quite freely most times, but this feels a little different, because i worry about asking too much of somebody i care for and who i know already has a tonne of stuff going on :/

 

Nymph - We've met twice so far, once at a half way point between where we live and the 2nd time i went to where he lives. I'm ok with travelling the whole distance, just as much as he is with coming this way or meeting in the middle again. There is an element of the uncertainty thing i think, specially given my ability to majorly overthink every minute detail and catastrophise what should just be a small bump in to the biggest mountain of disaster >.<

 

Im not  a particularly patient person either, which is something my Daddy has commented on plenty already, so im nervous about coming across as pushy, as that is something i have been accused of before. So maybe i should just try and wait a little longer? I don't know. PArt of me thinks that just waiting patiently will get me rewarded with what i desire, but then the other side of me over thinks that if i don't tell him that i really want this, that he is going to think i'm not really interested and not invested in where this headed...:/

[Barney048]

I'll weigh in here as well ... With most partners, be it bdsm or vanilla, I could pick up on my partner's needs and wants without her needing to ask for it. A good Dom usually has a high EQ which enables him/her to do so, I'm sure that's the case with your partner as well. But sometimes life gets in the way , and we neglect the people around us without meaning to. We prioritize and tell ourselves that we'll make it up to our partner down the road. At times like these it's important that you express yourself, otherwise there'll be issues. Tell him how you'd like to schedule another meet up when some time frees up in his schedule. Tell him how you know how busy he is, and you do not want him to give up anything. Express your understanding of his sittuation while asking for some time together.

[MissPattch]

So i talked to him last night about how i was feeling and it turns out that we were both having the same kind of thoughts about how asking for each others time might impact each others lives >.<

 

I'd spent 2 whole days tying myself up in knots about how to approach this and when i finally got the courage (thanks to you guys <3), turned out it was easier to deal with than i was expecting. He was really understanding and we had a good talk about schedules and planning in advance so there is something to look forward to I went to sleep last night feeling so relieved that i spoke up about what was bothering me. 

 

<3

[Vampiress]

I'm glad you spoke up. Since you're so independent and hate asking for things, remind yourself that you do so seldomly and give yourself permission to ask for something every now and then. You don't do it often, so no one should really see that as being too much coming from you.

[DerbyNerd]

As someone who currently has to travel to see their partner (and both of us are in high stress jobs) I can tell you that any second of the day I'd drop everything to go to him. Travelling to him during my downtime isn't a chore or concern because every moment I spend with him is so relaxing and happy. I know he feels exactly the same about travelling to see me. 

[Lollipox]

So i talked to him last night about how i was feeling and it turns out that we were both having the same kind of thoughts about how asking for each others time might impact each others lives >.<

 

I'd spent 2 whole days tying myself up in knots about how to approach this and when i finally got the courage (thanks to you guys <3), turned out it was easier to deal with than i was expecting. He was really understanding and we had a good talk about schedules and planning in advance so there is something to look forward to I went to sleep last night feeling so relieved that i spoke up about what was bothering me. 

 

<3

I'm really glad you both got to talk about it and were both eager to see each other irl again. ^^

I hope you get to meet up soon.