When your Little just can't call you "Daddy"

[Guest Account deleted]

Hello to all Caregivers and Daddies, and also Mommies of course eh! 

 

I would like to know how you would feel, or what would be your reaction if, for some reason, your Little was unable to call you "Daddy".. Or "Mommy" or whatever term of your choosing, that your Little would have a really hard time to say, no matter how he/she adores you. Would you be disappointed?

 

As we were trying to figure out what elements could help us enhance our new DDLG dynamic, I realized me calling my partner "Daddy" would never happen. For many different reasons that I won't discuss here of course, that range from past family issues to current self-consciousness because I'm an older Little. My partner did take the time to reassure me about this and told me he had no real desire to be called "Daddy" anyway.. The word - or the lack of this word I should say - doesn't influence the way he sees me, or us and I have other terms of endearment for him that he enjoys. Also, yesterday, he told me that so far this new dynamic has been very fun and enjoyable to him and it really made me so very happy!! =3 It has been to me too!! 

 

But really, it bothers me. A lot of Littles use the word "Daddy" and I envy them. By being unable to use it myself, I feel like I'm missing the point.. I guess I also feel a bit guilty.. Do you think I should force myself to get out of my comfort zone and just say it? In a similar context, would you expect your Little to do so? How would you handle it..? How important is that word to you? I don't want to bring this issue to my partner yet another time because I'm afraid it would get old and boring but I would appreciate if caregivers here could share their thoughts with me. 

 

Thank you!

Edited June 6, 2021 by Crafty_Pink_Bee

[SmolAetherr]

you dont need to use the title of daddy to get the most out of ddlg

 

i think most people prefer daddy because of the fact most people use daddy there is no reason for it other than other people do it from what i can see, but i have seen many people who just dont use "daddy" for whatever reason instead they get creative with names

 

no i dont think there is any need to force something as small as that so if you cant use the word i would try to not worry much about it, besides your partner doesent mind either way as you said so i mean at least from my perspective i don't see any issues aside from you feeling the pressure to conform to what others do which personally i dont understand since i never felt the desire to do what people do but to avoid rambling on about myself in summary:

 

keep doing what you are doing, try to accept and love who you are and your dynamic and know there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing so long as its consensual and legal

Edited June 6, 2021 by Aetherr

[AussieMelbourneDaddy]

Daddy, Master, Sir... /Princess, Sweetheart, Kitten - Are they labels or terms of endearment? What feels right for you and your partner is right for you.

 

There is no right or wrong answers with pet names and all of them need to come from a place of comfort and safety.

 

Every dynamic (as with every little/middle/cg) is unique and you need to be focused on what works and what feels right... not what is considered ‘normal’ or mainstream.

 

It sounds to me like you have an amazing dynamic with your caregiver and by focusing on what others have, or what you think is the ‘norm’ (or that you don’t have) might sacrifice a small part of what makes your dynamic special and unique.

 

I feel I need to reinforce the fact that every dynamic is unique and works best when both (or all) parties to the relationship are safe and comfortable to be themselves... to feel safe... and can communicate freely without judgement or ridicule.

 

Don’t let the little green eyed monster create doubt in what you have and share with your caregiver. FOMO can play with your head if you let it but in this instance... are you really missing out on anything?

 

I hope this helps...

[Vampiress]

CG/l is what you make it, so don't force yourself to do uncomfortable things. Plenty of littles call their Caregiver something else. We don't all need to be experiencing this the same way for it to be valid or fulfilling. Since your partner doesn't seem to mind at all, no reason to feel guilty at all. I think you're absolutely right to decide for yourself that term doesn't work, and I hope soon you can feel more comfortable allowing yourself to experience this dynamic the way that works for you and your partner.

[Guest Account deleted]

(...) no i dont think there is any need to force something as small as that so if you cant use the word i would try to not worry much about it, besides your partner doesent mind either way as you said so i mean at least from my perspective i don't see any issues aside from you feeling the pressure to conform to what others do (...)

 

(...) There is no right or wrong answers with pet names and all of them need to come from a place of comfort and safety.

 

Every dynamic (as with every little/middle/cg) is unique and you need to be focused on what works and what feels right... not what is considered ‘normal’ or mainstream.

 

It sounds to me like you have an amazing dynamic with your caregiver and by focusing on what others have, or what you think is the ‘norm’ (or that you don’t have) might sacrifice a small part of what makes your dynamic special and unique. (...)

 

(...) We don't all need to be experiencing this the same way for it to be valid or fulfilling. (...)

 

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read and answer my question in such a thoughtful manner, I really appreciate it. It is very good for me to be reminded of these things. It is true that I very often forget there is no need to conform to what other people do.. I try to fit in so much.. These are insignificant details but for some reason they become such big issues in my mind sometimes! And then I forget to focus on what truly matters..

 

You are right, all three of you! What I already have is amazing and fulfilling to me, and to my partner as well. Thank you for taking the time to reassure me! I'm sure there will be other times when I get worried and confused but for now, I really feel like I got a good boost of self confidence! THanks!! 

[Pupperoo]

Having a special name for your CG is something that brings a lot of reassurance to some Littles. But there are plenty of Littles out there that don't need the reassurance from that. Besides, there are plenty of other things you can call them and it's really just up to you what you feel comfortable calling them and then checking whether they like it or not.

With the risk of sounding harsh, but I really think you're overthinking it We're all individuals with different preferences and capabilities within DD/lg after all!

[Guest Account deleted]

Having a special name for your CG is something that brings a lot of reassurance to some Littles. But there are plenty of Littles out there that don't need the reassurance from that. Besides, there are plenty of other things you can call them and it's really just up to you what you feel comfortable calling them and then checking whether they like it or not.

 

With the risk of sounding harsh, but I really think you're overthinking it We're all individuals with different preferences and capabilities within DD/lg after all!

 

Thanks! No no, don't worry, you didn't sound harsh at all, you are very right, I am totally an over-thinker!

And my biggest issue is that I often start overthinking and fretting about things that are really NOT super important at all.. 

I don't know.. suddenly, not being able to call my partner "Daddy" did feel like a major frustration and something to worry about..

I'm all good now! Thank you for your answer! xxx -Bee

[Pupperoo]

Thanks! No no, don't worry, you didn't sound harsh at all, you are very right, I am totally an over-thinker!

And my biggest issue is that I often start overthinking and fretting about things that are really NOT super important at all.. 

I don't know.. suddenly, not being able to call my partner "Daddy" did feel like a major frustration and something to worry about..

I'm all good now! Thank you for your answer! xxx -Bee

I am glad we could help!

[Kittykat83]

Hi!

I know you've probably come to put your mind at ease re calling your daddy 'daddy' but I thought I throw my 2 penny worth in. As for calling him that I honestly wouldn't bother your head about it. Ddlg isn't all about a name it's how you are feeling. If your both in the same page, if you enjoy yourselves, if he is able to take the 'daddy' role and you the little, then that's great. Also it doesn't necessarily have to be the title daddy, I know you said you have other pet names for each other, but are these to be used in little time or just general such as darling or sweetheart etc. If you want something to call him specifically in these little times, that does not involve the word daddy there is a great link here (which I know you've probably read) but some of these names can be used specifically for ddlg time. I don't know if that helps, but I just saw this and thought of you.

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/17009-alternative-names-to-daddy/

[Guest Account deleted]

Hi!

I know you've probably come to put your mind at ease re calling your daddy 'daddy' but I thought I throw my 2 penny worth in. As for calling him that I honestly wouldn't bother your head about it. Ddlg isn't all about a name it's how you are feeling. If your both in the same page, if you enjoy yourselves, if he is able to take the 'daddy' role and you the little, then that's great. Also it doesn't necessarily have to be the title daddy, I know you said you have other pet names for each other, but are these to be used in little time or just general such as darling or sweetheart etc. If you want something to call him specifically in these little times, that does not involve the word daddy there is a great link here (which I know you've probably read) but some of these names can be used specifically for ddlg time. I don't know if that helps, but I just saw this and thought of you.

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/17009-alternative-names-to-daddy/

 

 

Thank you! For taking the time to share this link with me because you thought about me, that is SO kind! Thank you!    Yes, I feel much better. At the beginning, we used our regular pet names but now with the DDLG dynamic developing, we became more creative and there are some names I use for him only when I am in Little Space so he knows I'm there, and my partner will also call me "Princess" or "Little One" only when it's clear for the both of us that we are both in the right mindset for the Little time (sometimes he's very busy with work and I can be in Little Space without him being mentally available so the way he uses pet names for me is always a good indication, so we can respect each other's mental space - if it makes sense). I remember reading this thread at the very beginning when I signed up 2 months ago, so thank you very much for the link and reminding me it was there! xxx - Bee   

[Righan]

looks like this topic hasn't had anything new in a month ... so might be a bit late to be adding any thoughts ... but this is something me and my girl went through. She can't call me Daddy either ... but having a 'title' to refer to your partner can be important to some people for a variety of reasons ... and it was important to her ... so she came up with Papa or Papa Sir ... and that works.

At this point we've been using it so long, sometimes I think its my name ... and any D/s reasons for using it have probably faded away ... but when we started, we had already been together for several years, and we needed a little help to change how we saw each other and ourselves ...so it was partially there to help trigger the mental shift into the dynamic and assert the change in our relationship ... calling me papa was a subtle way of re-affirming who we were to each other ... a kind of keystone or touchstone ... admittedly, it also helped to remind me of my responsibilities and put me into the right mental place myself  ... "can you help me Papa" requiring a different response than "Can you help me dear" ... or hearing her yell out "Papa!" after she has a nightmare summons a different kind of reaction from me than if she were to yell "Righan!" (my name) ... I also think there can be something exciting about the titles ... its not something normal couples do ... it feels a little taboo ... a little jarring mentally ... which can be somewhat fun in some ways ... not only in the sense of how it effects us personally ... the slightly taboo nature of it in our minds ... but also because we've been using them in public for years as well and we get funny looks ... and that can be a little embarrassing but also a little bit fun ... a reminder we aren't like other people ... making it something that bonds us more tightly to each other than we are to other people ... helps us feel different and part of something special ... not that we wouldn't know that anyway ... but its just a mental tool in the tool belt so to speak ... or another penny in the dollar ... I could go on ... but you get the idea.

As I think about it ... I do believe that for ME it would be an important part of the dynamic to have some kind of title ... and I don't know if I could have the dynamic with someone without it ... but that's ME ... everyone is different and ultimately the only thing that is important is you are doing what is right for you ...
 

Another part of your question could sort of paraphrased as "are you missing something by not calling him daddy" ... does the title 'daddy' have some magic itself ... I don't think so ... words only have the power you give them ... their impact to you has a lot to do with how you see them ... on the other hand ... if you reverse it ... and ask yourself "how would it change things emotionally for you if you called him daddy" ... then whatever the answer to that question is ... that is what you are missing out on ... do you need that? will it make your life better? I have no idea. Every choice we make means we miss out on something ... right now I could be sleeping ... watching TV  ... but I'm doing this ... so I'm missing out on something ... would my life be better if I did those things instead of this ... that's a question that is super hard to answer ... because you can't do both and you'd have to do both in order to know for sure if one was better than the other ...

So I would pick a direction ... one you like right now ... one that makes you feel comfortable ... and follow that path ... do that for a while ... and if it works and your happy eventually you'll forget there was a different option ... but if it still eats at you down the road and you want to try something else ... you can do that too ... decisions don't have to be forever ... particularly right now while your still growing and trying out this new dynamic. If you decide to try out a title or specifically 'daddy' as a title ... it could be like a three bite rule at dinner ... try saying it once ... or more for an hour ... or a day ... and see how it makes you feel ... if it doesn't add anything or bothers you a lot ... then maybe that is your answer ... its all an experiment and just do what works until it doesn't ... then do something else.

You can also try other titles besides Daddy ... like papa or da ... I've seen several different names because its not that uncommon that little's can't call their caregiver a name like Daddy or Mommy ... it can just be too taboo and has to many personal meanings ... it might just be too weird ... I can't remember all the different names I've heard ... I think one girl I met was using the word for daddy in another language ... but really just pick something your comfortable with that has meaning to you ... its a symbol ... that's real job is to help you feel all the things you want to feel about yourself and about your caregiver ... so maybe something that makes you feel safe or protected or loved or submissive or young ... something that reminds you of your relationship ... helps you get into little space ... helps them get into the caregiver mindset ... and remind them of their responsibility to love you and watch over you as a caregiver ... rather than as the 'equal partner' they are outside the dynamic ...

 

So look for something that gives you those emotions ... that has that meaning and connection for you and him ... it can be anything ... even something that isn't usually a title ... like an animal name ... 'leo' maybe ... or a mythological character like 'dagda' ... or something derived from a fictional character you like ... it can be a fun activity to work on it together ... talking about names of things together ... discussing what they mean to each of you and how they make you feel ... a great way to learn more about each other and cultivate greater intimacy and deeper understanding of what your both looking for ...

 

Then it can also be fun to try out those names ... see how they work ... you both might get a laugh over trying out some 'titles' ... the most important part is to do it together ... to have fun ... learn and grow ... just build a better shared experience ... because in the end ... your relationship and your dynamic are what you really want to grow ... the title is just a tool to help you do that ... so focus on the relationship.

Edited July 8, 2021 by Righan

[Guest Account deleted]

(...) so might be a bit late to be adding any thoughts (...)

 

It is not too late and I am absolutely very thankful for your thoughtful answer and very interesting input. I am planning to share this with my partner. Our relationship is developing and sometimes, I find myself feeling a genuine, almost innate urge to call him Daddy. I have to quickly get a grip to stop myself from doing that. But I am very much afraid one day I will call him Daddy before I know it and the thought makes me feel so awkward.. Thank you very much for your help and in-depth answer. - Bee

[Righan]

I'm glad I could be of help.

I have been thinking about this and one thing I wanted to talk about is that in your initial post you talked about not wanting to talk to him about your concerns because you didn't want to be boring ... didn't want it to get old ... and I understand that ... it certainly can happen in any relationship where it becomes frustrating that someone just can't get over an issue ... particularly when you feel like you've been clear about it and you don't know why the person can't get that ... on the other hand ... little ones by their very nature tend to be insecure ... tend to worry about things and struggle with things ... it is part of the relationship that issues keep coming up ... and you don't reassure them about something once ... but three or four or twenty times ... its okay ... its part of the relationship ... now, it sounds like this is a new thing for both you and your partner ... so maybe they aren't there yet ... but it does sound like YOU are in need of reassurance multiple times ... and that is normal for a little one .. so maybe you should consider that your partner is more ready to deal with your need for reassurance than you realize ... and if they aren't ... you need to know that too ... because whether it is this issue or another one ... I expect that a need for reassurance and worrying about things is going to be a normal part of being in a relationship with you ... and if they can't handle that ... then ... that could be a problem. I suspect they are going to be more patient and loving than you anticipate ... because it is also common for little ones to be afraid to talk about their issues ... to feel some how inadequate or bad ... and that is okay ... its your nature ... but hopefully you can learn to trust this person with all of who you are eventually ... but its also not bad to require them to earn that trust through experience first ... even a little one shouldn't be reckless ...

I also saw that you said that you have the desire to call him Daddy ... and that it makes you feel awkward .. but I would not fear that feeling ... part of the point of this kind of relationship is feeling awkward ... to challenge the idea of normal ... to push your boundaries ... people build walls around themselves in tradition and habits and normalcy ... it cuts themselves off from their feelings, from their vulnerability, from their emotions, from pain ... but you can't connect to people through walls around your heart ... it keeps you safe ... but not connected ... not really ... and so feeling awkward means those walls are threatened ... thats what it means when you feel awkward and vulnerable .. that the sense of control and normalcy you've built is being challenged ... so maybe it isn't a bad thing to feel that way ... maybe its a risk ... but also a risk that might pay off ... because when you do call him daddy and it feels scary and awkward ... but he likes it and confirms your faith ... maybe you will be closer than you were before ... because you exposed that vulnerability and found it rewarded ...

Good luck ... not that my opinion really matters ... but I think you are on a good path ...

[Guest Account deleted]

I'm glad I could be of help.

 

(...)

 

Good luck ... not that my opinion really matters ... but I think you are on a good path ...

 

You really did I need time to process but I agree with you. I will definitely share your input with my partner! As our dynamic evolves, some things will need to be re-discussed and explored.

Yes, your opinion does matter to me. And it means a lot to me because it is very encouraging, thank you! - Bee