Where to Start....

[setmefree]

First and foremost I am completely new to all of this, in fact until recently I didn't even know this was a thing. I recently started talkin to this guy,( about 3 months into things at this point) and officially we have been dating for about 2 weeks. After a smart remark from him about me being a BRAT (not for the first time either) something clicked and I did a little digging only to discover that he was into this kind of lifestyle...well sort of.... definitley into the kink part of it in that he likes being "dominate" in the bedroom, spanking me etc.. Here is the thing... obviously we haven't talked about how into this he is because when i brought up some things I discovered while doing research about the dynamic he told me I was overthinking things.... and to stop researching things....

 

so I did stop, sort of... I am still on here and reading and the more I read, the more I see on tiktok, on google, on youtube the more I identify with and like what I am seeing... How do you have a conversation with someone about this lifestyle... how do you explore what you like, or dont like with someone who wants you to "stop over thinking."

 

our relationship is so new, that up until a week ago I didnt even know his middle name... we click and he feels like home in so many ways, but Im afraid the more I look into these things, and the more I connect with things in this dynamic the less we are going to have in common, because it feels more like a sexual kink thing for him, and I am like " I need structure, expectations, rules, etc." Which I have said to him before.... but it is always the same.... " stop over thinking it."

 

I dont't want to ruin a good thing, and what we have is VERY good so far. I guess, if you have made it this far, it comes down to this.... How do I gather my thoughts and what I want, when I don't even know what I want...how do we start down this road.....

[Lollipox]

I would wait a little longer before bringing it up and just testing the waters with subtle related actions or behaviours.

Because you can read him by his reactions. That’s if you’re too nervous to bring it up bluntly. Gives you a lil insight beforehand.

 

But I personally don’t like confrontation.

 

I think others will encourage you to just bring it up and talk about it, because they may have had regrettable experiences of being trapped in a relationship where they just want to be who they are. And that because it’s so new it’s better to get it over with before you’re more involved.

 

I don’t think either is wrong or right. It comes down to personal preference.

 

But I hope whatever you decide to do it goes well!

 

And congratulations on your entry into the Community, it’s an awesome feeling when you first discover and find you relate to it. ^^

So, welcome!

[MissPattch]

Call me a pessimist, but if anybody ever told me to stop looking into something that interests me or that i am curious about, i would be a little concerned about why they wouldn't want me to learn about that thing. Surely if this was his kink, he would want you to know all there is to know so you can be better informed about where you both might be headed. I understand this relationship is very new, and maybe he is concerned with things moving too fast, but in my eyes, theres no such thing as too much learning. The more you know, the better you can choose.

 

You said that you feel like the more you learn about this dynamic and community, the less you guys will have in common, because you think its just sexual for him but lifestyle for you. With out having that conversation, you'll never actually find out if you are are really compatible. The excitement of a new beau can be intoxicating and cause us to sometimes put aside our own values and morals for fear of losing something that makes us feel so good, but its important, in the beginning at least, to make sure we think clearly with our head and not blindly with our hearts. 

 

When i first started out in this community, all i did was read and learn. I made notes and list about things i liked, whether they were aesthetics or thoughts and feelings. This helped me get a clearer picture of my headspace looked like, and made it easier and a little less daunting to find a compatible partner. There were Doms and Daddies that i was very attracted to sexually that just didn't match me or what i felt i needed from them on a deeper level. It can be hard to let some one go when you have already started forming a bond, but if you want something thats going to last, you need to make sure you are on the same page for what you both want / need.