New to everything....

[Sunshine Daydream]

I’m really not in a space to be doing anything here but exploring.

Im in my super late 30’s and I’ve been in a really unhappy relationship/marriage for the past ten years. I’m in the planning stages to end it, so I’m in no position for a new relationship. However, I do know that I want my life to be different going forward. I don’t want to try to fit myself into a box in life that I just don’t fit in because I feel it’s what is expected of me.

I’m still not sure whether this is what is right for me, but I feel like it fits better than what I have been doing. I’d like your thoughts, for sure.

Here is what I know:

I love caring for the people I love. I love meeting expectations and doing a good job. I do well when I know exactly what is expected of me. I do well when there are clear consequences when I don’t meet expectations. I identify with the angst of adolescence; I want to be emotional and irrational and have boundaries to reign me back in.

I am a hard worker irl. I am a wonderful mother and I am good at my job. What I don’t want to do when I am at home, however is to take care of my partner as though they were a child. I don’t want to manage his finances. I don’t want to buy the cars, own the house, save the money- although obviously I will for my children. I want a partner who takes charge, who I respect and trust. I want to be owned and cared for and pushed to succeed- not the other way around. When I’m home I want to just relax my mind and have someone else make decisions.

I know a lot about who I am- I know what I believe, I have strong opinions on some things. I don’t drink or use drugs or smoke. I am angry in a lot of ways, but ways that stay inside. That’s why I definitely identify more with an adolescent. I’m not sure if this fits with this lifestyle, however. I do know that I have always been attracted to the dynamic, I just didn’t know how to put it into words, or that anything out there existed to fit it. As a result I have ended up in relationships with people who truly did not respect me and didn’t respect themselves.

So please tell me what you think!

[setmefree]

First, Hello and welcome!

I was instantly drawn to your post because like you I am new to this, and when I say new..I mean I never even knew this type of thing exsisted....I was pretty sheltered and I also only ever saw the "fifty shades of grey" type BDSM things online and in movies and literature....obviously I have discovered there is so much more to the world and so many more dynamics since I begun exploring ( very little ecploring as I have no sense of where to turn or where to go) I also live in the midwest and havne't seen or even heard of any of the things some people have talked about, such as "meeting places" or "safe spaces" most people around here are either closeted freaks and would never tell a soul, or if they are

"open" it is to only very little in the very big world of alternative living styles.

 

I cannot believe how much of what you are saying resignates with me and how many times I nodded my head and agreed with what you were saying. So many things in this post is me! I hope that you find what it is you are looking for. My story is definitley similar to yours....My current boyfriend likes the kink aspect that comes with this, but we are SUPER new into our relationship so I honestly don't know how into this lifestyle he really is... he calls me his babygirl and his brat, and I am 100% sure I am a brat if you looked up the general discription of what that is according to urban dictionary.... my picture and name would be right there. I too am here in hopes of finding a place of to start looking, to find if this is my "safe place," to hopefully get answers and discover things about where I belong....

 

Again good luck and I hope you and I find a bit of happiness in this crazy world....

[Sunshine Daydream]

First, Hello and welcome!

I was instantly drawn to your post because like you I am new to this, and when I say new..I mean I never even knew this type of thing exsisted....I was pretty sheltered and I also only ever saw the "fifty shades of grey" type BDSM things online and in movies and literature....obviously I have discovered there is so much more to the world and so many more dynamics since I begun exploring ( very little ecploring as I have no sense of where to turn or where to go) I also live in the midwest and havne't seen or even heard of any of the things some people have talked about, such as "meeting places" or "safe spaces" most people around here are either closeted freaks and would never tell a soul, or if they are

"open" it is to only very little in the very big world of alternative living styles.

 

I cannot believe how much of what you are saying resignates with me and how many times I nodded my head and agreed with what you were saying. So many things in this post is me! I hope that you find what it is you are looking for. My story is definitley similar to yours....My current boyfriend likes the kink aspect that comes with this, but we are SUPER new into our relationship so I honestly don't know how into this lifestyle he really is... he calls me his babygirl and his brat, and I am 100% sure I am a brat if you looked up the general discription of what that is according to urban dictionary.... my picture and name would be right there. I too am here in hopes of finding a place of to start looking, to find if this is my "safe place," to hopefully get answers and discover things about where I belong....

 

Again good luck and I hope you and I find a bit of happiness in this crazy world....

Thank you so much for your response. It’s so good to know I’m not alone. Totally agree about the only idea I had about this came from fifty shades- which from everything I’ve heard is not a great representation.

I hope you find everything you are looking for, too!

[Xtal228]

As a single mother myself, I relate with everything you are saying. Being the responsible one gets old fast. I know that's why I continue to explore little space. Being able to disconnect from adult responsiblities helps bring me peace. As much as I like the dynamic, and wish I had a "Daddy" type to take care of me, I haven't had much luck. I've had to accept that my perception of what my life should like look is unrealistic. Maybe I only explore little space alone? Maybe I'm the only person that supports my family financially? And maybe I'll never get married? It would be nice if I found what I was looking for in a man. Someone that makes the effort without being forced or nagged at repeatedly. But I can't make it happen for me. I guess my point is, the idea of this dynamic won't automatically give you what you are looking for. Which is something I've had to wake up to recently after several attempts over the past 3 years. 

[setmefree]

I absolutely get this. No matter how excited I was to discover this, I have also braced myself that while some people are able to find the things they want in this lifestyle, it doesn't mean that happens for everyone. Its hard because as a person with my personality traits, I want nothing more than to be live and accepted. Good luck hun, everyone deserves happiness even if that looks different from what we think it should be

[Sunshine Daydream]

Thanks Xtal228 for sharing your experience. It is helpful to remember that just because I may be interested in something that doesn’t mean it will happen or go the way I hope. In everything the actual experience is usually different than what I imagined. It helps me to remember that my main priority is to be true to who I know myself to be in the moment. No one else needs to be involved. Thank you again, and I hope that you find everything that you want and need!

[Kittykat83]

OMG that could be me writing that post. That's me, totally. I too am super late 30's, married in a very unhappy marriage where I feel as if I've been ground down to nothing. I too am starting to get myself sorted to break away and end it for my sakes and the sake of the kids. I really don't want to look after someone else as if they are my child. I have three of my own, I just want to be able to have the utmost respect for my daddy, be taken care of, have him take charge and just be.... Thankfully I've found that. I have a big heart that I want to share. I wasn't sure if this was me and I still am not sure if I fit, but this is the place where I feel more comfortable and be a place where I can be myself and it not seem weird. My little only comes out when I am in little mode or I feel secure, otherwise its buried down deep and feels so repressed. I have too many responsibilities that I feel I can't afford to shake them off and become the little one. I need to remember that I can bring my little out more with daddy and it's OK he won't think me strange.

All I can say is talk to people on here and just find out what you think, how you react to people. With many daddy doms that you talk to I found it can turn sexual straight away, if that's what your drawn too and need at the moment fair enough. But, taking your time and just talking you can find out if there is anyone you can click with and who you like. Then meeting up, bringing out your littlesness/middley, any sexual talk etc can just come naturally!

Good for you for wanting to get away from an unhappy marriage, just all I can say is just talk to people, be upfront and honest and willing to be guided, learn etc and you'll have a great time on here finding out about the so many interesting people on this forum xx

Edited June 27, 2021 by Kittykat83

[Guest Leanne]

I'm basically in the same situation. I hope you can find what you need. I work as someone who takes care of everyone else. It would be nice to be taken care of for a change. It's nice to see others in the same situation. I don't feel so out of place. Thank you for posting this. Edited June 27, 2021 by Leanne

[MusicNoteGirl]

Even though I'm not married with children, I can relate to some of this. I care so much for the people I love and try so hard to meet their expectations of me. I get oh so happy knowing I've met and made them happy. I totally agree that I meet the angst of an teenager hence why I've decided I'm a Middle. I've known about this dynamic for a while but was trying to find how I fit in. So I can understand why it's hard to figure out where someone can. I'm still learning myself!

 

Either way, I hope get out of your unhappy marriage and find all the happiness you deserve! Take some time to learn more about yourself, find some people here to talk to (so far everyone on here has been nice) and just be true to who you are!