Am I Wasting My Time?!

[Kitten&Spice]

Hello~ Adrian here!

 

I got a few important questions for all caregivers or anyone who wants to add to this question. It is mainly pointed towards caregivers since it does relate heavily on caregivers and getting to know them!

 

I have been in the community for years and have only had a few caregivers! Although wonderful sometimes it is good to know what works and they were all ones that ended peacefully and with nothing but support and understanding. Of course I want to be open to a caregiver again however I have found some frequent behaviors from each one and I don’t know if it is just me or not.

 

The main thing is the short and sweet text. The one’s that don’t carry any conversation and just drop then and there. For example:

 

Me: “Morning! What do you have planned for the day?”

 

Them: “Not Much”

 

Or a common one

 

Me: “How are you feeling today?”

 

Them: “Good”

 

Honestly being an introvert and socially awkward I have no idea how to really start conversations and I am always one to talk about anything if you can get something started. I just hate those short answers. I always get bored quickly and just tire of them as it makes me feel like they don’t have interest at all. And yet when I say anything they act surprised!

 

My questions for the Doms and caregivers is this;

Why does a good portion of caregivers and Doms not carry conversations? And am I wasting my time?

 

I am sure there are plenty of people who have dealt with the same! I just want to know how to avoid it and if this is a signal to me that they are not interested! Thanks in advance!

Edited May 26, 2021 by PupAdrian

[Guest AlisonS23]

I hate when that happens. Or they just leave you on read haha I can relate to this. I’d first tell them how you feel about their communication “style” so to speak. I mean when I get those one word answers like that it just shows me they are not interested in the conversation.

[Alaskan Daddy]

as a daddy I have had the same experience from different littles. My advice to you is the same advice I give to myself. When ever this happens to me I just realize that this is not the little for me. If he doesn't find you interesting enough to give you more than one word responses then he may not be the right daddy for you.  I know how hurtful it can be but I try not to take it personally. It has nothing to do with who you are as a person. I hope this helps a little bit.

[Guest Teasing Tink]

Agree with the above. Anyone can be guilty of this. It sounds like you're just fine with initiating conversation. It's not on you if the other person doesn't ask you questions about yourself in return. That's the polite, socially graceful thing to do. That being said, you don't sound like the one who is socially awkward here. One word answers are just lazy and yes, incredibly boring -- especially if you're someone who connects more so through conversation. I would assume the person is distracted, not interested enough, has poor social skills or simply doesn't connect well through the written word. Maybe all of the above. Regardless, that's a hard pass because reciprocation is important in any relationship. Invest in those who invest in you. If you tend to be a giver in relationships, find someone who can match you there.

[SmolAetherr]

daddy or little it matters little if you don't engage with someone then you remove any chance of being engaging to that person

 

so if someone doesn't sound like they care about talking to you then they are very likely not worth talking to

[Guest Daddy’s Back]

I have been on both sides of the fence...

I have experienced quite a few of the ‘one word responders’ and I have either quickly or eventually allowed the conversations to end. Those type of conversations don’t offer any promise.

 

But that being said, my Little now responds occasionally with one word replies but she also occasionally gives lengthy answers as well. That is entirely different from those who almost never respond with a sentence or more.

 

Now the other side of the fence is my own responses. I tend to give lengthy replies whenever possible. I like to converse in that manner. BUT... in the past I have conversed with people who have far more time on their hands than I do. They also enjoy giving lengthy statements, but often those statements also require an immediate response. They seem to have nothing better to do than hold a continuously lengthy conversation. Since realistically I am not able to keep putting my not-available time into similar responses I actually become a one or two word responder!! I have had one person get mad at me and accuse me that I must be seeing someone else because I didn’t give her the time she desired... daily 24 hour time which I never had.

 

I guess if I have a point is that one or two word responses are occasionally acceptable but should never be the norm.

[Guest AlisonS23]

I can agree with this becoming a one or two word responder at times! So yes that’s a good point! But not constantly ya know? If it’s constant then for sure he doesn’t care haha

[KayBee]

I'm guilty of the one- or two-word responses from time to time. I'm the worst with it when I'm feeling low/blue, but I also tend to feed off the energy my conversation partner is putting out. When I'm feeling good, I can carry the conversation and hopefully inspire whoever I'm chatting with to speak up more, but if I'm down and getting those one- or two-word answers... The conversation fizzles entirely. It's sad.

[Guest LonelyLovelyLibra]

I'm newbie. So I can say on ddlg aspect. But I can advice you as a human. I think you should observe if he does this always or sometimes. And you should observe if he communicates you and have a good long conversations in other times or not. If you two has good conversation but sometimes he behave like this, he maybe busy at that time. He maybe at work or have some suties or focused on sth. And replied your message just not to make you wait. Sometimes people has som much on their plates. Even if they are daddies or mommies, there are times they struggle too. And also you have your needs ofcourse. So you should also be open about your feelings. Directly ask the reason. If this is his attitude, then he may not suitable for you. Cause you have some needs too. But if this is sth temporarily, and if you really like him, be patient.

[ktownDaddy]

When conversation is like pulling teeth it’s time to find another dentist. I think it’s a societal trait that we have become accustomed to instant gratification and also lazy when it comes to commonalities of good conversation. I am old fashioned in that way. I remember the days when I was very young and used to hand write letters to friends and pop them in the mail - hand written .... can you imagine.

 

I remember the excitement of trying to figure out the time of delivery, time to read, respond and mail the response. It was anticipating and waiting for an entire week. Now it’s all instantaneous. The disappointing part is the lack of time people put into the responses. I still approach my messages from that letter perspective and yet most responses are a single word or at worst an emoji.

 

I have reverted in trying this and hopefully this works for you. Try to avoid open ended questions and if you are sending a message offer multiple questions. I find 3 will gain at least one response.

 

If you only keep getting one word or single sentences - move on. This is a trick medium to get to know someone, if the reader is not willing to invest the time to get to know you, then find someone who is. If they can’t engage you through words and thoughts how will they engage you in person.

 

That’s my 2 bits for the day.

 

Drew.

[Guest rainbowglo]

I see it as a reactive vs. responsive situation. People interact one of the two ways. Reaction does not allow for emergent open-ended thought-provoking discourse. In some ways we do set ourselves up for reaction with questions like "How was your day?" When so many people view it as a single-word reply type of an invocation.

 

Perhaps try "So! *Plops down in front of you in the most adorable way with perked ears* Tell me about your day!" ... This can invigorate the person you're speaking with and overtime gets them revved to interact at a similar energy level as well.

 

Of course not everyone can match your energy. Not everyone is meant for you! If they are right for you, they likely will be responsive at least to some degree from the start. That's part of chemistry in pairing.

 

Don't settle for less than what sets your soul on fire. Ever.

Edited June 1, 2021 by rainbowglo